


Falling Over You

by VulnerableSunflower



Category: Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:22:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 54,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23416657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VulnerableSunflower/pseuds/VulnerableSunflower
Summary: AU. Just a (not so) simple love story
Relationships: Blake Shelton/Gwen Stefani
Comments: 144
Kudos: 224





	1. The Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know what’s gonna happen with this one. I’m still getting used to writing multiple chapter stories, despite having finished one already. I’m also experimenting with making my chapters longer. I’m anxious to post this and don’t know when I’ll post again, but here goes yet another attempt to write a full blown story. Hope you like it!

He was sure out of all the decisions he’s ever made, moving out here ranks high on the list of things he should’ve reconsidered before actually doin g it. His business partner keeps nagging him about expansions, his own conscious feels bad about leaving everything behind back home and he’s pretty sure the new waitress had dropped a drink _again_. 

  
The bar was packed despite the trials and errors and that’s one thing he thanks God for every day. Opening a music bar wasn’t something he grew up wanting, but it became much more than a passion over the years. His father was a country music executive and he got to see first hand how hard it was for artist to get their break. Blake didn’t have the heart to work in the music industry himself, the rejection and politics too much for him. He always wanted to do something for these artists he respected so much though and for the people who, unlike him, had the guts to enter the crazy industry anyways. Opening a bar where up and coming artist could come and play was the best he could do, and it made him happy. He spent each night socializing with guests, coming up with new ideas to make the place more inviting, surrounded by music from talent that hasn’t been tainted yet. 

It had been a risk opening a bar in LA, especially a _country_ bar, but the risk paid off. There was an increasing amount of bodies pressing into the establishment, drinks being passed around like a college party, but the ambiance was always friendly and inclusive. 

That was the most important thing to Blake. 

Create a safe space for these people, these artist, and have a place for his own problems to disappear like ice on a hot day. 

“Oops, my bad.” A girly voice exclaims with a giggle, having just crashed into his chest and spilling a few drops of her drinks on his clean shirt. 

He waves his hand, brushing it off and the girl flutters her eyelashes in response. 

It’s flattering, will always be. But he’s no longer interested in the one night stands that made him feel more guilty than satisfied the next morning. 

“Don’t worry ‘bout it. Enjoy your evening.” 

He makes his rounds like he always does. People like talking to him, it’s been like that ever since he can remember. And he likes talking to people. Though there have been quite a few days where he wished he could hide away from the rest of humanity, he’s mostly always up for some socializing. 

Jake pushes against his arm suddenly, forcing a drink in his hand. 

“Man, business is booming tonight.” 

There’s pride and surprise in his partner’s voice and he doesn’t blame him. It’s been a weird time for music, but somehow the bar hadn’t felt that yet. 

“Yes it is.” Blake confirms, lifting his drink. 

“Moving out here wasn’t such a bad idea after all.” 

“Tell my mom that.”

Jake relents, clicking his tongue. 

“Parents never like it when their kids leave the nest.” 

“I’m twenty-seven.” 

His friend laughs. “You know what I mean.” 

Blake shakes his head, his attention briefly interrupted  by some microphone feedback. He was usually aware of the bands that were supposed to play each night, random artist rarely taking the stage, though it wasn’t prohibited. 

  
From the lack of cheers in the room, he could tell no one was expecting the artist and it only piqued his curiosity more. 

He expected a band to come up behind the artist, but that didn’t happen either.  


A solo artist. No regular. Not planned. Blake scratches the back of his head, the stage light softly hitting the girl’s features. 

It feels like he’s struck by lightning. 

Everything but the image of the singer fades away. He is no longer thinking about the drink in his hand, or the girls fawning over him in the back. It seems like everyone else is doing something else, focusing their attention elsewhere as the singer starts to get herself situated on the stage. Their sound engineer helps her set up, while she readjusts the mic stand to accommodate her height. 

Blake couldn’t tear his eyes away from the girl. 

She had on low waist jeans, a ratty black top that revealed her bra on both sides. Her hair was up in a high ponytail and she wore the reddest lipstick he’d ever seen. Nothing about this girl screamed country music, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to hear her sing, see her move. 

  
“Uhm hi … ” The girl started saying, sounding as hesitant as she looked. “This is my first time playing here. I just thought I’d play you guys a little cover of a song I love so much.”

Her voice sounded heavily, though all she did so far was speak a few words. She sounded like she comes from here, everything about the mysterious girl awakening something primal inside him. 

“My name is Gwen by the way. Gwen Renee Stefani.” 

Blake chuckles at the way she introduces herself, not coming across many artists who feel the need to say their whole name. It was clear that nothing about this woman was ordinary. 

There’s a faint sound of applause to cheer her on, but nothing overwhelming. He doesn’t understand why it makes him feel so bad. It doesn’t even look like she notices, the intro to The Police’s Message in A Bottle playing loudly through the bar. 

Not country indeed. 

He never cared less about that than he does in this moment.  People fell quiet the minute the musician opened her mouth for those opening lines. She was mesmerizing, from the way she sang to the way she moved. 

Her hands slide up the microphone stand before deciding she no longer needs it. Blake finds it hard to swallow after that, every fibre in his being totally tuned in to the girl tearing up that small stage. She doesn’t belong here, that’s clear. And he doesn’t mean the bar – she deserves to be performing in stadiums, millions of adoring fans fawning after her, record breaking music flying up the charts while she smiles that flashing smile of hers. She doesn’t deserve to be playing here in his bar, but he thanks his lucky stars that she is. 

“I’d like to invite my friend up on this stage with me real quick, so we can play one last song for you all.”

He hadn’t even realized the song had ended, too entranced by her to even notice. He feels a rush of something agonizing wash over him as a lean looking guy graces the stage with her. The man holds a flimsy guitar and Blake feels a small tingle of pride as he realizes he has much better guitars waiting for him at home. 

“I wrote this one myself. It’s called  Hey You.”

He recognizes a rasp and rawness in her voice that wasn’t there before. Something about the personal aspect of this song, the words coming straight from her heart as she pours them out on this stage right now. She sounds incredible, raw, and it tears straight through him. He feels something in his heart cracking when she sings subtly over the guitar chords. 

It was clear everyone else in the bar was under her spell and there was no way she wasn’t aware of that herself. Her smile grew, her confidence growing on the spot. She started moving her hips as if she was unable to help it and he could do nothing but stare at her like he’d never seen something as magical as what he was witnessing now. And he hadn’t.

He could barely believe there were people in the world as talented as her. It was almost cruel to think about. The fact that she revealed to have written the song herself only made his infatuation for her grow. Every word was so on the money and her voice was exactly what the song needed to make it that much more emotional. 

She was everything he couldn’t handle all wrapped in one tiny, gorgeous human being.  


He could barely make sense of the overwhelming feelings crashing into his heart at hearing this girl sing. Seeing her made him feel like a sinner- sex, lust and greed surrounding his heart, combined with a strange urgency to protect and care for her.

And then it was over. Her voice stopped singing into the microphone, the applause had died down, she was stepping off the podium, everything was returning to normal. 

Everything but his heart rate.

“Hey man, you okay?” 

It was Jake’s voice and Blake realizes he hasn’t said a word since the singer had graced the stage.

Blake clears his throat. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“You sure?”   


Ignoring the question, Blake asks the only one that’s on his mind.

“Who was that?”

It takes a while for Jake to realize what he’s talking about. 

He shrugs. “Girl named Gwen? She came in here twenty minutes ago, begging for a spot in tonight’s schedule. I didn’t wanna say yes initially, but she said she didn’t want any money, just a few minutes to play some songs. I thought why the hell not? It’s not like we had any other acts lined up for tonight.”

Blake let him ramble a bit.

“She’s great.”

Jake shrugs again. “She ain’t country.” 

“Did you hear her just now?” Blake asks dumbfounded. “Who the hell cares  _ what _ she is when you’ve got a voice like that?”

His friend gives him a dubious look. 

“I’m sorry man.” 

Blake bites his lip, scolding himself for getting too passionate too fast.

“I want her to become a regular.”

The words aren’t out of his mouth for more than a second before Jake starts sputtering against the idea.

“Blake, she’s not a country singer. I know you just said that didn’t matter, but it matters to _this_ place . People come here to have a good time and listen to country music. Besides, no one knows her.”

“People will _get_ to know her.” Blake counters. 

“Blake— “

“—I’m sorry if I gave you the impression this was a request.” He cuts him off, getting riled up again. “She’d be a great addition to our usual line-up and it would draw a different crowd to this place too. That’s never a bad idea. You were talking about expansions before – this is it. I’m gonna ask her.”

Jake rubs his temple. 

“You’re serious about this?”

“Dead serious.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

Blake tries not to go off on his friend, knowing this business rides on the both of them. He can’t go making decisions without Jake’s approval, as much as he wants to right now. He thinks technically, he can overrule him, since most of the money to even start this place came from his wallet, but that’s not the kind of business partner he set out to be. 

“Listen, let me ask her if she’s interested. If she says yes, we’ll have her start on a trial basis. If it turns out to be a horrible fit, we can always  change our minds.”

Blake’s heart feels like it’s balancing on a tight rope. Never before has he had such an intense reaction to another singer. He never felt this intense need to take care of her, be close to her. 

“Fine … .” Jake relents, throwing his hands up. “But if this goes wrong, don’t come crying to me, man. I’ve warned you.”

He could see it in his friend’s eyes, that surely he found Blake’s idea ridiculous. A part of him agreed. Maybe he’d wake up in the morning and realize the feeling had passed, this intense reaction weakening overnight. But something told Blake that Gwen was different in every way. 

Lust had never hit him so strongly, neither did pure admiration. 

“I hear ya, brother.” 

Blake’s pushing his way through the crowd the next moment, excusing himself to every person he gently bumps into along the way. 

There was no sign of the girl anywhere and he was starting to panic, thinking he missed her. There’s no way she’d come into his bar again on her own volition and he can’t believe he missed the chance to speak to her because he was too busy debating with his friend. 

Then out of the corner of his eye, a flash of blonde hair makes it into his view. The door closes behind her and  _shit shit shit,_ she’s leaving. 

He’s almost out of breath when he makes it outside, his heart hammering when he spots her standing against the wall. The man that accompanied her on the guitar is standing next to her, looking like they’re saying their goodbyes.

Blake stands back, not interrupting the moment. He feels a shimmer of hope when the guy takes off in an Uber, leaving Gwen standing in the evening air alone. 

He wasn’t prepared for what it would do to him to see her from up close. He was as tempted to walk up to her as he was to running away from her as fast as possible, hoping he’d never see her again.

He inhales sharply when she looks his way, eyes locking and her sweet smile directed to him. Her red lips stretch higher into her cheeks and just when he thought he’d look away, he finds himself starting to walk towards her.

He simply greets her with a gentle smile. 

“That was amazing.”

She blushes. 

“Thank you very much. You’re the owner of this place, right? Your friend pointed to you when I was asking him to let me sing.”

Blake nods. “I am. I was positively surprised to hear you tonight, Gwen. Do you sing professionally?”

She bites on her nail, looking a bit uncomfortable by his clear fascination. He doesn’t care though, isn’t able to hide his admiration for her at all. 

“I don’t.” She says bashfully. “I want to though! Really badly. It’s just very hard. I just finished college and I’m taking this next year to really focus on music, trying to sing wherever they’ll let me and just see what happens.” 

“You belong on that stage. I could tell.”

Something in her features softens and relaxes.

“Thank you so much. That means a lot to me.”

He tries to think of a way to ask the question he wants so desperately for her answer to be yes to. He finds himself damn near blushing, diverting his gaze away from her so his eyes don’t continue to run over the entirety of her body, which is even more spectacular from up close. 

“Uhm Gwen, I  have a proposition for you. I’d love for you to hear me out for just a few minutes.”

The young woman looks confused but nods sweetly, always polite. 

“I just talked to my partner after your set ended and we think you can bring something fresh to this place, something special. I would love for you to come sing here more often; you’d get your own scheduled time slot, giving you the opportunity to sing more than just two songs. We’d obviously compensate you for however much time we agree on having you on that stage. It’s up to you of course, but Gwen, you deserve to have a stage to call your own, even if it’s not the biggest one yet. I think Ole Red can give you that.”

Her eyes widen, stunned.

“But … . I’m not a country artist. I don’t write country music.”

“I know. But quite frankly, I don’t care about that at all.”

She looks distracted, diverting her gaze to her feet and back up to him. 

“I’ll get paid?” She whispers. 

He knows he’s got a few years on her, that much was clear from the start, but she looks especially young when she gets nervous. He feels that sudden need to protect her kick in again and it causes his throat to tighten uncomfortably.

“Of course.”

“How many times will I be able to perform?” She asks, tilting her head. “If I’d say yes.”

“That depends on how much time you’re willing to give us. We have a few regular acts that play here throughout the week. If you agree on becoming one of them, w e could schedule an appointment to talk about the specifics; schedules, stage time, everything you want and need to know.”

She bites her lip and Blake fights the urge to groan out loud.

“What about Tony? He’s my guitarist. We’re a package deal.”

He feels something deep inside of him darken at the mention of her friend. Though he has no right to be jealous, no right to think _anything_ about the people she hangs out with  at all \- it’s a bitter pill to swallow. 

“I hear you. I’d like to meet up with you both, see what we can come up with.” 

He doesn’t know what possesses him to go with it, why he can’t just let this girl go and continue with business as it is. But he can’t.

“I’ll talk to him.” Gwen says. “Ask if he’s interested.”

Blake nods. 

“That would be great. Let me give you my number, that way you can let me know what you come up with.”

She bites her lip again, this time not out of nervousness, but … excitement.

“Okay.”

“Great.” Blake says, taking a deep breath before rattling off his number to her. Her long nails make a thin sound against her phone screen, before she nods at him again. 

“Got it. Thank you.” 

He nods.

“Thank  _ you _ .” 

“It’s getting quite late; I should probably go.” She says softly. 

“Of course. I hope to hear from you Gwen.” 

And God, how he means those words. 

“Have a great night....” She looks at him nervously and it takes him a few seconds to understand why.

”Blake.” He smiles.

She giggles and he knows he’s in trouble.

”Have a great night, Blake.” She says before walking off, leaving him hot and bothered and yet completely satisfied.

He doesn’t know if she’ ll call, but the thought that she might would be enough to get him through these following days. Love and lust were two things he swore off since his divorce that led him here, but both these emotions came rushing back the moment he heard Gwen Stefani sing. 

He is gonna fall in love with her and he doesn’t know  who is more screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

Blake pulled his truck into the parking lot of the bar down the street,  grabbed his case  and hauled ass across the gravel and into the back door. His boots were scuffed and he didn't have any extra strings, but at least he was there.   
  


When he got to the end of the hallway, he was surprised to see Mason running through an up-tempo country song with sad lyrics. From the sounds of it he was at the end of his set and he wondered who made the decision to book him on the night he was supposed to meet with the mesmerizing female artist and her friend . 

The whole night had been poorly scheduled, his own set supposed to close out the night. But he did love getting to sing up on that tiny stage and so did many girls-  _ and _ guys- who would watch him. 

He took off his hat, putting down his case in the back room. 

  
He said hi to Bobby, who handled the sound system and found Jake already sitting around, waiting.

  
Blake ran a hand through his hair and over his face, today starting like any other. Though it was early in the evening already, he hadn’t seen much of the day yet and it was a struggle to muster up any faux excitement.

“Gwen here yet?” 

Jake nods. “She came in early. We’re just waiting on her friend.

“He’s not here?”

“He’s running late.”

Blake snorts.

“ _Of course.”_

Suddenly, something hit him in the chest. Pulling his hand away from his face, he saw a guitar pick ricocheting from his chest onto the ground.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.”

Blake grumbles. “Shut up man.”

Two knocks on the door  got their attention. He saw her blonde hair before her sweet face revealed itself. 

She stood there nervously.

“Tony is here. Can we come in?”

Blake stood quickly.

“Have a seat.”

Gwen smiled widely and motioned with her hand behind her, prompting her friend to walk in after her. They closed the door, taking a seat on the black lounger in front of the small desk he and Jake were sitting at. 

It was almost a little awkward the way he couldn’t stop staring at her intense brown eyes, everything about her making his heart ache. 

“I’m glad you guys could come in today, I know this offer came out of nowhere and there‘s  gotta be a million questions swirling around.”

Gwen nods but stays silent. Her friend follows suit.

“People were thoroughly impressed by the performance you two delivered last week.” Jake said. “We wanted to see if we could come to a beneficial agreement that supports all our causes, with the most obvious one being exposure for the two of you.”

“We couldn’t help but wonder what made you guys want to book us. I mean, this is a country bar. We knew when we played here last week that it probably wouldn’t be appreciated.”

Jake looks at Blake.

The Southerner clears his throat.

“I think you’re wrong about that. Your music was greatly appreciated and I know it will be again if you decide to  join us. There’s nothing I love more than good music, no matter the genre. This is a _music_ bar first and foremost, run by people who have country music running through their blood. I think we can all agree that listening to different forms of art and different sounds of music is one of the greater pleasures this world has to offer. I think it would be a crying shame to miss out on the pleasure _yours_ can provide.”

He’s aware of the way his words came out and there’s a sparkle in her eyes that he finds hard to read. Her friend, who he should  really start calling by his actual name, looks at  him confused.

“So what you’re saying is that we can play our own music at this bar, country music be damned?”

“Tony!” Gwen whispers, gritting her teeth.

“I’m saying that you can play whatever the hell you want, as long as it’s good and you can manage to arrive on time.”

The slight dig doesn’t go unnoticed and both Jake and Tony flinch.

“How many times a week will we play?” Gwen asks.

“We start with once.” Jake responds. “It’s standard procedure to start new acts  out with one performance a week, just in case things don’t go as planned or unforeseen circumstances make it not work out.”

“You mean you guys need to see if we are well received before you want to commit to giving us more stage time.”

Blake is seriously starting to get annoyed by Gwen’s friend  but he tries not to let it show.

“Yes. It’s like a probation period. It’s so both parties can test the waters, see if it works and feels like the right fit. If all goes well, we have room for one or two more nights, depending on the schedule at that time.”

Gwen nods. “When would we start?”

“When  _can_ you start?”

Her face lights up and then loses its childlike excitement again at the words of her friend.

“I don’t know, Gwen.” He says. “It’s not exactly the type of place we thought we’d start our careers off at. No offense.”

“Tony, we both loved it here last week. This is a great opportunity.”

“You guys don’t have to decide right now. Take some time to talk about it, sleep on it and let us know before the weekend. That way we can start working on your schedules on time.”

Blake’s grateful for his partner taking over the conversation. He’s too thrown off by Gwen sitting so close to him and Tony being a pain in the ass. If he could, he would hire Gwen alone. But she made it clear they were a package deal and he wasn’t about to jeopardize his chances of having this magical force of a woman sing in his bar.

“Thank you so much.” Gwen says, biting her lip. “We’re beyond grateful for the opportunity. I will give you guys a call tomorrow.”

Blake smiles when he hears Gwen talk about tomorrow, not even considering to take the other three days before the weekend starts to ponder over the idea. He secretly believes her decision has already been made. He just hopes she can get her friend on board too.

Or ditch him. He wouldn’t be mad  at that either.

* * *

He’d played his set until his hands started aching and the people in the bar were either going home or too drunk to notice he was still playing. He had witnessed his fair share of rowdy evenings here and this one proved to be one of the tamer ones. There was a rumbling of applause and woos from the crowd once he stepped off stage, putting his guitar back into its case.

“Nice set, man.” Bobby says.

Blake tips his hat.

“Thank you brother man.” 

He’s grateful for Jake closing tonight as he feels the exhaustion battle his body like it’s declaring war on him. He hasn’t been sleeping well, or at all and it’s starting to catch up with him. 

He’s one foot out of the bar already when a female voice stops him right in his tracks.

“ That was beautiful. Were those your own songs?”

He turns around to find Gwen standing near the bar’s exit, her hand housing a watery looking drink that looks like a mixed vodka concoction from where he’s standing.  She’s wearing her hair down this time but rocks the same shade of red on her lips as the first time he ever laid eyes on her. He figured she’d be gone after their meeting before his set, knows for a fact he saw her friend leave minutes after. But she must’ve stayed and watched him play. He tries to recover from that information quickly.

He chuckles. “I’m afraid not, darling. Those songs are written and sung by the greats Conway Twitty and George Jones.”

He’s perfectly aware she has no clue about who these artists are and he finds it hard to be mad at her for it. He much rather enjoys the sight of her feeling slightly bashful and buzzed at the same time.

“And  Wildflowers . I enjoyed that one the most.” 

He doesn’t have to fake his surprise.

“You know that song?”

“Do I know that song?” She repeats. “Of course I know that song.  Tom Petty? A little bit of rock, little bit of folk?  That’s like, my thing.” 

Blake chuckles. “Were you even alive when that song came out?”

“How old do you think I am?”

She asks the question with a smile on her face but he can tell she’s expecting an answer from  him .

“I know I’m old enough to know you never answer a question like that, especially when it’s coming from a gorgeous lady like yourself.”

“Oh get over yourself and answer the question.” She smirks.

He’s once again thrown off by her, only for completely different reasons this time. He has yet to figure her out and there’s a big possibility that he never will. For the life of him he wants to try though.

“ Twenty  two .”

She smiles.

“Close.”

She starts walking past him and he barely recovers in time to gently grab her arm. He looks at her confused, entranced, enamoured, lust-filled and she simply stands there and  _lets_ him. 

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“You haven’t even told me your age yet.”

“You were supposed to guess it. You didn’t.”

He wanted to aim for easy banter but he couldn’t come up with a confident witty remark. Not when his blood was buzzed by alcohol, arousal and the earlier timbre of the songs he sang. 

“Twenty  four?”

Not locking  eyes with him again, she takes a sip of her drink and draws it out. Her lips hover against the glass to try and conceal her smirk.

“How did you know?”

“ I didn’t.” He smiles. “So you really weren’t born when the song came out.”

“ Blake, the song came out in 1994.  I was eight years old by then.”

He can’t stop looking at her and he feels a prickly sensation crawling up his arms and neck.  He’s also very pleased to find out she’s a bit of a music nerd and recited the exact release year of the song without hesitation.

“My math has always been a little off.” He offers, not willing to admit he was messing with her for the sole reason she looks beyond adorable when  she’s  being teased.

He can think of a few other ways he’d love to tease her  too.

“It’s okay, at least you can sing.”

The comment makes him feel strangely validated.

“How about you stick around for a while longer and I’ll buy you  another round?”

She cocks her head.

“The bar is closing in….” She checks her phone. “Forty minutes.”

“Enough time for another drink.” Blake responds. “And as you might’ve noticed, I’m the owner of this place. We close when I say we do.”

Gwen grins.

“Just one more drink.”

“Just one more.”

He tells her he’s gonna load his guitar in the truck before meeting her inside but she decides on walking with him. He’s tempted to push her against the car door and make out with her and feel those pretty red lips moving against his own, but he knows he’s gotta thread carefully. 

They make their way back inside and sit down at the near empty bar. He signal s to the bartender and orders a ‘whatever she’s having’.

Gwen smiles.

“Dry Martini.”

“I hate those damn things.”

He finds himself saying the things he hopes will evoke a reaction from her and it’s almost addictive the way she never disappoints. Her face is extremely expressive and she can’t hide her amusement for shit. It’s the most endearing thing he’s ever seen. If not the most, it must be a close second.

“Blake, why are you buying me a drink?”

The bartender comes back with their two drinks and Blake traces the rim of his glass with his index finger.

“Cause I think you’re interesting.”

“I’m interesting?”

Blake nods. “Very.”

“Why?”

She must be able to see the hunger in his eyes when he raises his glass to his lips and lets the liquid sear down his throat and warm his chest. He relishes in the feeling and quietly exhales. He’s bought himself a little bit of time to think her question over, but none of his answers feel like t hings he can say out loud. 

“Cause you’re extremely talented but look surprised whenever you hear yourself sing. And because you seem to be quite shy and reserved off stage, but proceed to talk and sing to people in a very raw almost unusual kind of way. And because you’re kind and humble and none of these things necessarily sum up LA for me. And because you could’ve easily taken this offer I did you and  made it your own but instead you told me you were a package deal. Which tells me you care about people and you care about this…friend.”

With fingers that are steadier than he feels, he lifts his glass back to his lips and closes his eyes to savour the taste of the rich liquor across his tongue. He can tell she’s taken aback by his words and quite possibly surprised. Her eyes become this piercing gaze that he can’t and doesn’t necessarily wants to escape. He can feel her gaze through the thin cloth of his shirt.

“You say very interesting things as well.” She whispers.

He smiles.

“You must like that since you write songs.”

“I like a lot of things.”

There are too many words swirling around in his brain, too many questions. He won’t ask any of them  but damn it he’s losing control quickly and they both know it.

What she doesn’t know though, is his god-awful track record when it comes to the ladies in his life. It’s impossible that she hasn’t figured out he’s a few years older than her, but aside from the obvious she must consider him safe. And safe is a word that he hasn’t associated with himself in years. 

“You and…. Tony?” He asks a bit unsure.

“He’s my friend. What about him?”

Blake ignores her question for a moment, the corners of his lips curving upward without meaning to. When she notices, she chuckles.

“You thought we were dating.”

Blake shrugs.   


“Would it bother you if I said yes?”

“No. I just don’t see why you’d care.”

“I don’t.”

She falls quiet.

“ I got the sense you were flirting with me.” He says, his voice a mixture of a tease and something darker. “You can’t blame a guy for wondering- “

“I’m not that type of girl.” Gwen cuts him off and she seems rightfully pissed right about now. “Maybe I was flirting a little but that was obviously a mistake.”

He’s not even surprised to have screwed this up already but that doesn’t keep the disappointment from settling deep in his gut.

“I didn’t mean to offend you, Gwen.”

She gulps down the last sip of her drink before sliding off the barstool.

“I think I’m gonna head home now. Thank you for the drink.”

“Alright. Again, I’m sorry Gwen. Really, I hadn’t meant it.”

She nods.

“Goodnight Blake.”

He blinks after her warily, unsure if the godly woman was actually sitting with him for a while or if he dreamed the whole ordeal. With the way it had ended, that might not have been the worst thing.

He stares down at the glass in his hand, sealing his lips over the rim once more.


	3. Chapter 3

“I think it’s commendable.” Jake comments as soon as Blake reads him Gwen’s email. “She’s obviously not backing down from any genre and that takes guts. Especially in a place like this.”

Blake frowns, sitting back.

“I feel a  _ but _ coming.”

“But I’m worried about her friend, Tony. I don’t think he’s as excited about this as she is.”

“They’re  _ her _ songs.” Blake shrugs, scared by how easy it is for him to fight for her even when she’s not aware of it. “Why do we care about what he thinks?”

“Because they’re a duo, man.” Jake says. “Art suffers when one half of that due isn’t fully in it.”

Blake knows and is enough of a music snob to care about this, but he can barely stand the thought of rejecting Gwen’s idea.

“Look, she asked us if she could sing a few country songs and it’s not like we’ve ever told an act what they could and couldn’t sing before.”

“She didn’t just ask to perform a few country songs.” Jake argues. “She asked us to  _ promote _ it, put it on the bill.”

Blake smiles when he thinks of her audacity, her youthful confidence shining through every syllable of that email.

“How about I talk to Tony?” Blake asks. “See where his head is at, if he’s cool with the narrative Gwen’s pursuing- assuming Gwen hasn’t already done that.”

“You sure you wanna do that?”

If he’s sure about one thing, it’s that he doesn’t want to do this. He has no desire to talk to the man who’s close to the girl he wants nor does he feel necessarily fond of the man after his blunt remarks towards country music.

“Of course. Trust me, I’ll take care of it.”

Jake nods.

“Okay. That’s settled then.”

* * *

He drinks a glass of whiskey before he comes in. He smiles at the bartender and flirts with a regular who comes in every Thursday night. There’s friendly banter going on between colleagues backstage and he wishes like hell he could participate, but that’s not happening today.

“You good to go for tonight, Blake?” Darius asks, the man permanently rocking a smile on his face and the tall Southerner has no idea how he does it.

“Always.”

“You playin’ a set or what?”

“Not tonight I’m afraid.” Blake smiles. “Might take some bar duties though, Jake’s been a real pain in the ass about it.”

  
“You behind the bar is good for business.” His colleague points out. “Crowd goes wild for it.”

Blake wonders if Gwen would like it.

He chuckles. “We’ll see about that.”

He throws his hat on backwards, walks into the small back room and hears the chatter all the way through the closed door. He knocks twice out of courtesy before pushing open the wooden door and poking his head in the room.

Tony and Gwen are going over the set list while Jake takes it upon himself to inform them about the schedule one last time.

Gwen’s eyes glimmer when she sees him and Blake’s relieved to see no animosity anymore. They kept their distance ever since that night in the bar and they hadn’t said much to each other aside from the professional chatter that would occur briefly.

It wasn’t strange either - most of the acts that perform at his bar aren’t his friends and the only contact he has with them is professional.

“Tony, can we have a word?” Blake asks.

He can tell Gwen’s surprised and her friend appears less than excited but he doesn’t give a damn. He wants to give Gwen what she wants and what she deserves, even if that means talking to the slightly arrogant, fiercely annoying man in her life.

Tony rubs at his knees before getting up.

“Sure, why the hell not.”

He can hear Gwen whisper an encouragement to her friend, or maybe a warning, and Blake chuckles.

He doesn’t need her protection, but he won’t complain about being on the receiving end of it either.

Tony closes the door behind them and walks after Blake. The tall Southerner doesn’t stop walking until they’re almost at the exit, the exact same spot he and Gwen talked that night after negotiations.

“What’s up man?”

Blake rubs his temple, standing still.

“How are things going here?” Blake asks. “The performances still fun for you?”

Tony looks surprised at the question but considers it with serious determination.

“It’s good. I like performing with Gwen and we write great songs together.”

“There’s no question about that, no question at all. Y’all are in quite the demand it seems. I take it that Gwen talked to you about the developments she wants to incorporate in these next performances coming up?”

Tony chuckles and Blake doesn’t like the sound of it. Not at all.

“‘Think this place is rubbing off on her. That’s okay, I can play whatever she wants me to play. If she thinks that playing some country tunes will make us more popular, I can deal with that. As long as we don’t start making these honky tonk songs ourselves.”

Blake grits his teeth.

“It’s important to be on the same page. Gwen’s asking for quite the commitment from us so we need to make sure you’re totally behind her ideas. We can’t have it blow up in our faces- business depends on the chemistry of every artist we’ve got playing here.”

“It’s all good here.” Tony affirms confidently.

“That’s all I needed to know.”

“I have a question for _you_.” Tony says.

Blake’s brow raises, feeling some disappointment at realizing the conversation isn’t yet over.

“Alright.”

“ You think our songs are good?”

Out of all the questions the young man could’ve asked him, this one he did not expect. 

He’s quiet for a few purposeful seconds before nodding. 

“I think they’re great.”

“Just great?”

“It’s mighty fine lyricism you guys got going on there.”

Tony nods.

“She wants to impress you, you know?” Tony states, showing no sign of emotion as he says it. “That’s why she wants to do country covers now. She feels like her songs aren’t good enough.”

The new piece of information rattles his soul and shakes up his entire being. There’s an overflow of emotions that suddenly crowd the space in his chest and it’s an uncomfortable and pressuring ache. 

“ That shouldn’t be her reason for wanting to play country songs.” 

It’s a weak response and he’s not proud of how hard it is to force words out all the sudden. Her friend just nods at him and keeps talking like he didn’t just throw Blake completely off his game. 

“Exactly, that’s what I’m saying. I admire Gwen, I admire her writing and her passion for music. She has these strong emotions and figured  out  a way out to share those through her music. She shouldn’t feel forced to sing a genre or different kind of song to appeal to  _ one _ person. It will only hold her back.”

Blake tries to ignore how much admiration dripped of her  _ friend’s _ words and focuses on the real issue at hand. 

“I thought you said you were okay with this?” Blake asks. 

“I am.” 

“Then what are you sayin’?”  
  


“I’m saying that you should let her know her songs are fine the way they are. I’ve heard some of her new songs too and it’s amazing. She just needs some encouragement.”

“From me?” Blake asks shocked.

“You ruin it, you fix it.”

Blake barely engages with the comment at first, anger and confusion mixing into one boiling pile of heat in his throat. 

“Excuse me?”

“You said something to her a few weeks ago, right after we decided to sign on. She hasn’t been herself ever since and when I asked her about it, she said nothing happened. You and her just had a talk and that’s it. I’m not stupid, I ’ve  known this girl for years. I know when she’s rattled by something and I don’t know exactly what you said but I can assure you that whatever it was messed with her head.”

“She and I didn’t have a conversation of that kind. I didn’t mention any of her music.”

“Then what did you say?”

Blake wants so badly to rub it in this guy’s face. Tell him that he tried hitting on his girl and how she had let him up until the point he mentioned Tony. He wants to see the smug smile on her friend’s face disappear when he realizes he’s no longer the only man in her life. But he can’t say any of those things and it pains him more than hearing Tony’s words does .

“Look,  just make sure you’re on the same page about these songs she wants to do. I’ll handle everything else.”

Blake’s tone makes it clear he’s in a no bullshitting kind of mood and he’s not at all interested in more conversation. Tony shrugs and scoffs, throwing his hand up. 

“Fine.”

He glances at the younger man before he turns around.  He can finally relax slightly when he’s no longer faced with the man, his shoulders dropping an inch. 

“Tony, one more thing…” 

Her friend stops and turns.

“What?”

“Don’t come at me like that again or I’ll assure  _ you _ that it’s the last time you’ll set foot in this place.”

* * *

He goes home about once every two months .  It’s not enough to satisfy his mother, but it’s the best he can do. Or at least that’s what he tells himself. Living out in LA and owning a popular bar is one hell of a commitment. He decides to spend most of his downtime hiding away in his West-Coast apartment or strumming guitars with his friends. It’s a nice contrast to a few months ago when falling in to the beds of lonely women and drinking to the point of blacking out were his go-to. 

Needless to say, his mother has been worried and he should’ve come by much sooner. His mom doesn’t waste any time telling him this too and he promises he’ll change. He’s staying in Oklahoma for a long weekend and tries to appear as together as he possibly can. It’s no surprise that the older woman sees right through him and knows him way too good to fall for his act. There’s a lingering sadness hiding in the depths of his eyes. 

Going through a divorce could do that to a person. He’s feeling much better than he did a few months ago when it was still fresh and that’s something to be happy about. He can’t dwell on the past too much without the urge to grab a bottle.  


Going home every so often to see his mom and Betty and making sure his bar remains steady is the best he can do and he’s proud of those accomplishments.

He likes talking walks out in the woods and not coming home until it’s threatening to get dark out. It’s what he misses the most when he’s living the city life. It’s no different this time as he enjoys another afternoon walk with Betty while his mind tries to shut off everything he’s got going on back in LA. 

There are ploughed fields of brown and green and the pastures that are still dull rather than having the bright hue of new growth. There are tightly folded petals in their green casings, swelling and ready to bloom.

The smell of fresh air in abundance has become nearly a rarity to him these days. The sound of the earth’s voice singing without words is soaring high like the birds and it makes him feel at peace even when his heart isn’t. 

Maybe he should try and write another song. 

He made it his goal to not think about the bar while he was out here, but he’s got music running through his veins and thinking about his performances at Ole Red is what gives him joy. 

She had asked him if he wrote his own songs once and he had told her he did covers. Now he’s thinking about writing more and performing them.  


He might even write a song about her.


	4. Chapter 4

Blake would argue that a bar is  _ the _ place to lure out sinners.  Alcohol goes down nicely in the shady darkness and guards are dropped because of it. He’s often tested by temptation here but these days he’s only tempted by one. 

Bar duties have him more focused than usual and that’s a good thing, because it proves to be a small distraction from the knowledge Gwen and her friend will be performing later tonight. 

He fixes the brunette at the bar a Moscow Mule and gives her his best attempt at a smile when sliding it towards her. She responds by flicking her hair and biting her lip. 

“Can I interest you in having a drink with me?” 

It’s an open invitation to more and there was once a time where he would’ve damned his professionalism to hell and gotten the sweet little thing out of there, but not this time.  


The attention remains flattering and he tries his best to be gentle while letting her down. 

“I’m on the job.” He says sweetly. “Enjoy your drink.”

“How about after?”

Her elbows are pressed on the bar top, her body leaning forward so he looks directly into her cleavage. The girl is pretty and though she doesn’t take his breath away, he must say it’s a tempting offer.

“I ain’t looking for that, darling.” 

She hides her disappointment well – or maybe she’s not disappointed at all and just pushed her luck for the thrill of it. A shy smile appears on her lips before shrugging. 

He looks down uncomfortably as she grabs her glass and makes space for other guests, disappearing into the crowd. 

“I don’t know what they all see in you.” Jake says suddenly, bumping into his arm. “You’re like a magnet to these women or something.” 

Blake shakes his head.

“Don’t be an idiot please.”

“I’m not. I have eyes, you know?”

Blake rolls his. “Can we focus on the _job_?” 

“Gladly. You’re on bar duty till closing time tonight, I gotta head home early.”

Blake grunts.

“You couldn’t have told me this before?”

“Something just came up. Is it gonna be a problem?”

His friend looks quite nervous and Blake immediately feels like a class A jerk. The amount of times Jake has gotten him out of a rut by filling in for him or simply letting the Southerner drunkenly rant over the phone had been downright embarrassing. 

“No, it’s fine. I got it here.” 

Jake smiles. “Are you sure?”

“ Go take care of business man.”

His friend pats his shoulder. 

“Thank you.” 

Blake’s in the process of fixing another drink for a customer when a familiar voice catches his attention. 

“Can  you take my order, bartender?”

He turns around to see Gwen sitting at the bar, smiling. She’s wearing a silky smooth top that reveals all of her shoulders and he’s probably in luck he’s unable to see what she’s wearing below, her lower body hidden behind the bar. He inhales sharply before sliding down a drink to the customer next to her. 

His attention shifts back to Gwen as soon as he’s able to. 

“Dry Martini?”

She smiles. 

  
  
“You remembered.”

Her smile makes him feel validated in a way that probably needs some assessing and the whole time while fixing her drink, he can feel the heat of her stare on his back. 

He tries not to smirk. 

“Here you go.” He drawls, placing both hands on the bar top in front of her and leaning in close enough to spark a private conversation with her. “Aren’t you supposed to be performing in a few minutes?”

“One drink won’t hurt me.” 

“Why do you need one?” 

She smiles.  


“Who says I need one? Can’t I just sit here and spark up some simple conversation with you just for fun?”

“Nobody drinks for fun.”

“I do.” Gwen says.

He wants to make a scene when their conversation is cut short by another customer. Especially since the man isn’t asking Blake for a drink like most people that sit down at his bar do, but this one is not interested in Blake’s services and only has eyes for Gwen. 

His jaw tenses as he looks ahead. There’s not much he can do about this since he has no right to lay claim on her.  


He’s overstepped once - he learned his lesson.   
  


She tips her drink in a small gesture of acknowledgment to the man and though it was merely meant as a formality, Blake hates the sight of it. His gaze flickers to the man now leaning much too close to  _ his _ girl and shows no signs of backing down. 

Blake can’t hear what’s being said and the next customer whisks him away when he’s asked to make another drink. He slides the rum and coke too harshly over the bar top perhaps but he doesn’t care. 

His hot gaze assesses the situation from a little bit of distance but remains close to Gwen. 

He looks at her while she seems to gently let the guy down but unfortunately nothing happens. No space is made between his body and hers. She looks  almost... uncomfortable.

Awareness flashes through him like a backdraft. Behind the bar holds probably the most space as the establishment is crammed full of people and feels close and hot. But even though he has quite some space to move, he feels like he can’t breathe. 

Jealousy, possession and lust. 

Time must have crawled to a halt because their visual exchange has suddenly changed from uncomfortable to a rather angry looking Gwen. He’d seen enough.

Blake leans forward  over the bar top , ignoring the guy’s death stare.  “Is he a friend of yours, Gwen?”

She shakes her head. 

“He  was just leaving.” 

The death glance that was first reserved for Blake now shifts to Gwen and he can feel the anger rise in his throat, feeling ridiculously protective over her. 

“What can I do to change your mind sweetheart?” He pushes. “A girl like you shouldn’t have to go home alone.” 

Blake can tell the words startle Gwen and she visibly shifts away when the strange guy reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. 

Before he gets that far, Blake slaps his hand away forcefully and shivers with the burn of his rage. 

“Get your ass out of here now.” Blake threatens in a growl. “You’ve got two seconds before I make you. And trust me pal, you won’t like it.”

Gwen takes a sip of her drink as the guy quietly drifts off. Her eyes don’t meet Blake’s until she’s absolutely sure they’re alone and then she smiles gratefully.

“Thank you.” 

“Has he bothered you before?” 

Blake’s still on edge by the whole thing and can’t help his eyes from wandering after the man who was way too pushy just now. It’s nothing new for people to get a little inhibited in his bar, but he was two seconds away from grabbing the man’s fingers that were reaching out for Gwen and snapping them like twigs. 

“No. He’d been staring at me when I came in though. I don’t know what all that was about.” 

“Tell you what…” Blake groans. “If he bothers you again, come straight to me. I’ll have him escorted out and banned from this place immediately.”

His hand moves to her shoulder in an act of comfort, squeezing lightly.

“Thank you again Blake. That was really sweet.”

“I’m just lookin’ out for you, sweetheart.”

She bites her lip and Blake’s fixated by the soft pink gloss that stains them tonight. 

“I’m sorry for avoiding you before.” She says. “Our conversation the other night left me feeling…judged.”

He cocks his head at her choice of words but doesn’t argue it. 

“That’s not what I intended to do, but I apologize for coming off like a jerk.” 

“It’s just…. I’m younger. People don’t take you as seriously when you are, so when you insinuated that I was just this silly, young, sex crazed girl, it struck a nerve with me.” 

If he’d been sipping a drink, he would’ve undoubtedly choked on it. 

“That’s not….” He shakes his head. “ _Young_ _ sex crazed _ girl?”

He suddenly can’t help the smirk that appears on his face, amusement quickly replacing his shock. 

“You thought I was flirting with you while also banging Tony.” She accuses him. 

“I wanted to be sure nothing was going on between you two, yeah…” Blake admits. “That was it though. Honest to God Gwen, I had no thoughts of that kind about you.”

He can see a flush starting to cover her cheeks.

“Can we start over?” 

“ One condition.” He teases.

“What’s that?”

“You tell me why you’re sitting here getting drunk instead of getting ready backstage for your set?”

Gwen huffs out a bitter laugh but her smile appears genuine.

“Tony and I had a fight. I haven’t even seen him come in yet, so I might have to get up there by myself.”

Blake’s eyes widen. He did not talk to the guy a few days ago only to hear he’s possibly gonna be a no show tonight. 

“What happened?”

She shrugs. “He thinks I’m being insecure, that I’m not believing in our music.”

“But you’re not?” He asks. “Insecure?”

“I’m passionate about our music so I want people to like it.”

“Most important thing is that _you_ like it.”

“I do.”

“Does he?”

Blake lets the question linger for a second, trying to get a clear picture of what’s going on here.

He’s had quite a hard time figuring out why Gwen would care about his opinion so much she’d wanna alter her complete set because of it, but now it becomes clear that her friend might’ve been wrong about more than one thing.

“Promise to keep this between us?” She whispers, as if Tony is actually there to overhear them.

“Promise .” 

“Tony and I used to date. Most of my songs are about him, which I think he likes. There’s something quite appealing about being someone’s muse.”

It comes as no surprise that Tony and Gwen were at some point intimate. It was hard to ignore the static between them even though he tried. He should be happy about her using past tense, but he can still feel the bitterness coat his tongue at the thought of Tony ever having had the chance to be with Gwen in that way. He doesn’t deserve her, never has, but Blake can’t say any of it.

“Okay, how does that translate into what’s going on right now?” Blake asks slowly.

“My songs are no longer just about him. Performing here, it made me realize that I wanted to experiment with different styles, different subjects. I feel like my world expanded quite a bit since starting here and I don’t think he likes it. It makes him feel like the little world we built together is quietly collapsing, instead of being excited about the growth.”

Suddenly Blake gets it and it shines a whole other light on things. He’s yet to find out if he likes it.

“What do you write about now?”

He wants to ask  _ who _ , but refrains himself.

She takes another sip of her Martini. 

“I write about everything I _wish_ I could experience. People I wish I’d meet. People I wish I could get to know better.”

“Why can’t you?”

Blake’s breath comes out shorter and he feels a bit lightheaded. His hand leans on the bar top to keep him steady on his feet.

“I really liked Tony, he would make me feel great, but I always knew that this wasn’t what people wrote songs or books about. I love him but it wasn’t magical, you know? He would touch me and it wasn’t anything show-stopping. It didn’t inspire me to write. The only thing that made me feel enough to write songs about was his rejection. I want to write songs about love, about passion, but I can’t write about something that I haven’t experienced. So I say I write songs about things I  wish I knew more about.”

Blake takes a long breath, bites his lip and stalls. 

Her words make him feel alive and kill him all at the same time. He can hardly suppress the need to make his claim on her, make her feel everything she so desperately craves to experience.

She’s much too precious for him to taint – he knows that too. It’s the torture of _that_ knowledge that keeps him up at night.

Gwen looks behind her as if someone called her name, slamming her glass on the counter just the side of too hard.

“He still isn’t here.” 

The clock on the wall behind him shows she’s got ten minutes left until show time. 

He gn aws at the inside of his cheek.

“Do you play?” 

Her eyes portray surprise at his question before she shakes her head.

“No, not really.”

“Not really or not at all?” 

“I wrote this one song on the guitar once, but I’ve never played it for anyone other than Tony. I don’t understand anything about chord progressions,  but  the s ong just kind of flew out of me .”

“If you can play it for him, you can play it for us.”

She looks up at him panicked.

“Blake no, I can’t.”

“What are you so afraid of?” He asks.

“I want to prove myself here, not make a fool of myself.”   


“That’s your problem - you think too much about other people. You wanna prove yourself? Go up there and show everyone your full potential. You don’t need him to do that.”

“I can’t go up there without him.” She argues, visibly upset. “People know we’re a duo. How would that make me look?”

“Like someone who makes the best of every situation. Like someone who doesn’t let anyone hold her back from greatness.”

“ Blake …” 

“Come with me.” He says, tapping his colleague on the shoulder and quickly letting him know he needs a five minute break. 

Gwen looks confused but intrigued and he’s surprised when he’s not met with any resistance. He leads her to the backstage area, pushing open the door that reveals his office.

She keeps standing close to the door, her hands nervously toying with her finger nails. 

He grabs his guitar case from the leather sofa and retrieves the instrument. Soft and velvet sounds echo through the room as he tunes the instrument until the chords come out crystal clear. 

Her eyes widen when he hands her his Takamine. 

“Take it.” He encourages her softly and her fingers brush his’ lightly when she does. “Play the one song you know. If Tony still isn’t there after that, I’ll  play your songs for him.” 

“Do you even know how they go?” 

He scratches the back of his head while letting a sly smile coat his lips.

“I’ve been here for every single one of your performances, Gwen. I know your songs.”

He doesn’t tell her how he’s been obsessing over each one he heard so far and how he can dream these songs in his sleep. 

“Are you sure…?” She asks, looking down at the instrument in her hands.

“Never been more sure of anything darlin’. It’s in great hands with you.”

“I doubt that.” 

Her insecure voice pulls at his heartstrings so much- common sense flies out of the window. 

His finger slides to her chin and tips it up enough for her big brown eyes to look up fiercely into his. He lets his gaze drink her up, feeling the lust and desire well up inside him again. 

“You’re way too talented to doubt yourself like this, Gwen.” 

He caresses her smooth cheek and smiles, his thumb softly pressing against Gwen’s lashes until her eyes flutter close and she sighs into Blake’s palm. 

“ You’re not gonna find passion by tying yourself to a person who’s too childish to show you what it means. You gotta  _ chase _ passion. It’s all around you, Gwen.”

“Where?” She whispers.

Blake could stare at her like this- trusting and open for hours. Chances are he still wouldn’t know exactly what he feels for her but at least he’s willing to admit there’s  _ something _ to feel.

“Right here.” His hand slides down to her chest, pressing over her heart. “And here.” Further down to her hands, pressing her palm tighter against the guitar. “And here.” His hand slides up once more, back to her face and pressing over the fullness of her glossy lips. 

He wants to kiss her more badly than he can ever recall wanting to kiss someone, but for now it’s only his thumb that gets the pleasure of touching her there.

“Go up there Gwen.” He whispers. “Show us who you are without him.”

He wants to push her out of her comfort zone and show her she’ s so much more than she even realizes. He wants to show her what real passion is.

Getting her to sing a song she’s only ever played for her ex boyfriend might be the first step in to  doing so.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In reality, the song Gwen wrote on the guitar is called Simple Kind of Life. For story purposes I changed that to being “Cellophane Boy”.

She sounds absolutely beautiful. Her hair is glowing underneath the stage light and her blinding smile almost distracts you from her trembling hand. Blake can’t help but notice the quiet shiver of her fingers against the snares and the slight wrinkle in her forehead from focusing too hard. He can’t keep his eyes off her as she sings lyrics to a song he’s never heard  before and her  voice getting thick with emotion. He’s beaming with pride but he keeps his gaze lighthearted as he tends to different customers throughout her performance. 

He wishes he could take a break to lean against a wall somewhere and stare unbothered. He’s gotta settle for standing twenty feet away and making brief contact with other people while Gwen is up there pouring her little heart out. 

_ And I want your habit to be me. _

_ Your harbor and your refugee. _

The words cause him to spill the contents of his next cocktail over his fingers. He mutters a few cuss words and apologizes for the mess. 

It doesn’t even matter _who_ she’s singing about, it doesn’t make any of it any easier. If she’s singing about her ex-boyfriend he’s going crazy with envy and frustration. If there’s a chance she’s singing these lyrics  for him, he’s going out of his mind with fear and passion – threatening to  rip him apart at the seams.

He realizes there are no longer coming any sounds out of the guitar he’s handed her and when he dares to look at the woman upon the stage, he sees her desperate and helpless gaze.

He looks around and realizes Tony is still nowhere to be seen and he feels the panic spreading through his limbs like a sickness. He promised he’d help her if this scenario presented itself, but he didn’t anticipate having to accompany her on stage after being unravelled by her lyrics in the worst way. 

He’s a man of his word and he knows he should haul his ass up there right now. He feels dizzy with how he’s nailed to the spot and Gwen’s gaze feels like a slap  to  his face. 

He watches as she lowers the guitar and pulls the microphone closer to her mouth. 

“I’m afraid I only have one song for you guys tonight.” 

There are a bunch of disapproving sounds coming from the people still inside and if the circumstances were any different, he would beam with pride at that too. 

“Thanks for sharing all that love with me.” She says. “I feel it all around me. Thank you.” 

His head snaps up at her choice of words. 

_ You gotta chase passion. It’s all around you, Gwen. _

He’d spoken those words to her no less than a few minutes ago. His legs move painfully slow from his place behind the bar. He ignores the soft whispers of surprise and protest when he pushes his way through the crowd to get closer to the stage. Gwen is halfway down the podium when she spots him. 

“Going  somewhere already, honey?” 

There’s a wet glistening in her eyes at his presence and he can tell she’s no longer expecting him to go up there with her. He doesn’t want her to know he had no intention of following through on his promise after hearing her original song.

“Announce a change of plans.” He orders quietly. “We’ll do your original set.”

She swallows.

“You weren’t gonna come.” 

He hates how hurt she sounds.

“Talk later?”

She bites her lip and makes her way back up that stage.

He smiles at her. She loves music and it pours out of everything she does. He has no doubt in his mind she wants to pack her stuff and run out of there but the people deserve music. 

She will never deny them such art and he loves her for it. 

“Brought my friend up here. He wants to play some songs with me. Is that okay?”

The crowd erupts in a rumble of cheers when they spot Blake coming up behind her, sitting down on a crappy  bar stool and lifting the guitar on his lap. 

He nods once to acknowledge the audience and Gwen’s words and strums the instrument a few times to be sure of the tuning. 

She looks back to see if he’s ready and when he nods, she introduces her next song.

“This is a song I wrote about falling in love. Or thinking I did.”

She whispers the name of the song to him and he digs deep in his brain to let the first chords fly out. He’s taken on more than he can chew but he’s not about to have her notice. He  can do this. He’s dreamt about her songs and performances more than once and dissected every lyric and every melody in the privacy of his own mind. He just needs to focus and forget about the song she sang before.

His fingers begin to play the song without too much thought and Gwen’s silky voice dresses his chords confidently. It feels weirdly perfect to play with her like this. It makes him feel as if he was always meant to be up here with her. Perhaps Tony was never supposed to be part of her story the way he was. The way he still is.

She  sways her hips and feels the music until it rattles every bone in her body. He feels arousal an d admiration course through him  as he continues to strum and reminds himself to breathe through his nose and mouth. 

He’s scared by the magnitude of his feelings for her.

He wants to protect her from harm. He wants to hear all the music she’s too afraid to play. He wants to kiss her until she knows no name but his. 

He wants to _fuck_ her till she breaks and then put her back together again. 

The song ends and so do her movements until she orders him to start the next one. It goes like that for half an hour and by the end of her set, Blake feels rightfully drained. 

“Thank you so much.” She speaks to the crowd before leaving.

She doesn’t so much as glance back at him and he sighs deeply. 

One of these days, he will understand why he thrives  on breaking things. 

He brings his guitar back to his office before rushing out of there and trying to find her. He’s in luck because she’s still getting her things from the adjacent room and doesn’t even hear him come in. 

“There you are.”

She doesn’t turn around.

“You found me.”

“Gwen…” He says quietly. “I’m sorry about that.” 

“About what?” She asks. “Playing with me or almost bailing on me?”

He thinks he should be apologizing for both but he doesn’t want to make matters worse.

“For almost bailing on you.” 

She huffs.

“It’s fine. I’m used to expecting nothing from men. I don’t know why I thought you’d be different.”

His chest burns badly from her insult.

“I am different.”

She places the straps of her bag around her shoulder and turns to face him. Her features are sad and tired and nothing like the sight he saw earlier tonight. 

“You were the one who basically forced me to go up there without him tonight. I just played the damn guitar in front of people, Blake. I don’t even play the fucking instrument!”

“That didn’t’ sound like nothing to me, Gwen.” 

“Not the point.” She reprimands him. “I went up there tonight because I trusted you. There wasn’t even a doubt in my mind you’d come up there if Tony didn’t show.” 

“I  did come up there!” 

She shakes her head.

“I saw the look in your eyes before you did, Blake. I saw the way you looked at me from behind the bar. You hated it.”

“I had a choice. If I hated it, I wouldn’t have joined you up there.”

“You make me feel like I have to apologize for giving you that choice to begin with. I don’t know why you keep doing that.”

Blake’s heart grows heavy. 

“Do what?” 

“Make me feel bad  for enjoying your company. Giving me enough to think you might enjoy my company too before crushing that assumption into the ground.”

He can see the vulnerability in her eyes and he doesn’t like the responsibility that comes with it.  He steps closer without thinking about it and decides in that moment to be as open with her as she had been with him . 

“Gosh Gwen.” He says. “That’s not at all what I’m trying to do. I enjoy your company more than you know and I appreciate your presence in this bar with everything in me.”

“What is it then?” She asks. “Why do I get the feeling you sometimes don’t like being around  me?”

He doesn’t know how to tell her that he’s only afraid he’s too much for her. He doesn’t want to bring her down with him even when getting close to her is the only thing that feels right. 

“It was your song, Gwen. The lyrics hit me, gutted me. I didn’t know what to do in that moment so I froze. But I promise ya, I wasn’t plannin’ on hanging you out to dry.”

It’s the truth only filtered and made slightly prettier. 

“You can say that stuff to me.” Gwen nods. “I mean it, Blake. If something’s bothering you, I don’t need you to hide that from me. I’ m a good listener.”

“I feel like you are.” He admits. “I don’t like to unload my crap on others though, I rather figure things out on my own.”

“Well my parents used to call me the peacemaker of the family. I don’t like it when people feel bad.”

Blake smiles, her innocence  hitting him again.

“Who do you go to when you need someone?” Blake asks, stepping closer to her. 

“Friends. Tony – or at least I  _ used _ to.” 

He can see tears forming in her eyes at the mention of her ex and he uses his thumb to stroke her cheek. Her tears aren’t falling so there’s nothing for him to wipe away, but that doesn’t stop him from touching her soft skin. Maybe he’s going crazy but he thinks he can feel her blush beneath his fingertips. 

“ I used to be married. Seven years, high school sweethearts. Life was easy – boring, but easy. I lived out here cause of the bar and went back to Oklahoma every weekend. I had an anchor that kept me tied to both places and it felt safe and suffocating at the same time. When we got divorced, that anchor got lost and I feel like I’ve been freefalling through life ever since. It’s like standing at the edge of the world looking out at nothing but deep blue water and you have no idea where to go or what to do. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, I probably shouldn’t, but somehow I feel like you’ll be okay knowing this. You understand me, don’t you?”

“Nothing changes your perspective like someone you want leaving you.”

“ Leavin’ happens in so many different ways, I think she left me about a hundred times throughout our marriage without ever breaking up with me.”

“They do say there are fifty ways to leave your lover.”

Blake’s brow furrows.

“Did you just quote Paul Simon to me?”

Gwen bites her lip and she looks for a lack of a better term...embarrassed.

“Sorry. I couldn’t help it. ”

He lets out a full belly laugh .

“I’m glad you couldn’t.” He says. “I like the things you say, Gwen. The words you write. It draws me in and sometimes I can’t figure out whether that’s a good or bad thing.”

“You’re pretty awesome yourself.” She says. Her expression is soft and the look in her eyes makes him desperate to lower his lips on hers and make her cry out his name from now till the next sunrise.

“Come over tomorrow night.” Blake says, surprising them both. 

Her eyes widen and before fear can come in and change the course of this conversation, he continues to babble. 

“I can cook you some dinner, we can have drinks without customers sitting down and interrupting us.”

Gwen smiles. 

“That sounds really nice.”  


Blake nods his head in acknowledgement. 

“Is that a yes?”

A grin spreads out across her face and it only emphasizes his sealed fate. He is in a shit ton of trouble. 

And yet he doesn’t think he cares when she looks at him like that.

“That’s a yes.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The writing bug has officially hit me again. This is an important chapter into understanding Blake’s state of mind.

Blake leans heavily against the countertop while reaching for his wine glass.  Her small feet dangle off the edge as she sits perched up  on the  granite counter. He’s learning she’s a slow eater as she continues to dig her fork into the chilli bowl he made her. His has been devoured fifteen minutes ago but he could look at her for hours so he doesn’t mind. His fingers touch the flute of her glass and scoots it closer to her, the barman in him unable to see a drink go untouched. 

She smiles in appreciation and then takes a sip.

“How did you know I played  the  guitar?” 

They had been talking about random nonsense up until now and this was the first question that required a bit more brain capacity. 

“I didn’t.” He says. “I  figured there was a possibility.”

Gwen runs her fingers up and down her wine glass and Blake can’t help but imagine how those slim digits would feel skimming up his skin. It takes every ounce of his strength not to start shivering. 

“I wasn’t gonna do it.” She admits. “I wasn’t gonna play the guitar, not even when you put the instrument in my hands.”

“But you did.”

She nods and lets out a small sigh.

“You believed in me. That’s not something I’ve felt a lot of, so it disrupted me. I tried to convince myself of all the reasons this would suck and I would make a huge fool of myself. But then it hit me…”

“What’s that?” He asks.

“ Some things are more important than public perception.”

She cuts herself off by taking another sip of alcoholic goodness and he can tell she just ended that conversation. He wants to push and pry to get her to say more, but he doesn’t want to push his luck any further.

“For what it’s worth, I think you sounded amazing and so did every other person in there that night. I would love to see you play more often.”

She sits there quietly, staring at his ceiling. Blake could tell she was getting nervous by the way her feet start to draw patterns in the air and she looks every last bit juvenile. He has to actively remind himself she’s only twenty four sometimes. 

“We’ll see about that.” She responds. “I’m not any good.”

Blake smiles at her sadly.

“You can say that but it won’t make it any more true.”

She waits another minute before speaking up. 

“Are you calling me a liar?”

Her voice went from serious to playful in a matter of seconds. Her eyes get this mischievous spark in them that could bring him to his knees if she wanted to. 

“I’m sayin’ you don’t know everything yet and that’s alright. You’ll learn in time.”

“I’m guessing you’ll teach me?” She smirks.

He takes another sip of his drink. God she’s tempting.

“If you want me to.”

“You could start by telling me some things I don’t know yet.” 

He nods. “Like what?”   


“Like why did you get a divorce?”

Tension presses against his jaw like a sucker punch. 

He’s not sure if it was the wine or sitting this close to her but he finds that he _does_ want to tell her. He wants to tell her everything and then forget all about it by getting lost in her brilliance. He looks back at Gwen who has her brow raised and lets out a slow exhale.

“I wanted to make her happy but I started to understand that was an impossible task. I won’t sit here and tell you about all the ways she sucked because I wouldn’t wanna be around that guy either. All I’ll tell you is that we made each other promises, spoke vows and those weren’t kept. We got married really young and if I could change one thing about my past it would be that. We divorced last year and I haven’t spoken to her since. It’s weird to know someone for your entirety of high school and beginning of your adult life and then here you are, twenty eight and never to see or speak to that person again. That messes with you.”

“Do you miss her?”

“Not much. I think I miss the idea of her more than I miss the actual person.”

“Did you guys at least break up amicably?”

He scoffs. “I wouldn’t say that, no. Things just sorta blew up and then it was over. Told her to pack her shit and she did.”

“Would you have changed anything about that now?” She asks.

He looks at her brown eyes absorbing every piece of information he throws out there and something about it makes his mind spin. He doesn’t know why she’s so interested in him but if it’s for any of the same reasons he’s so drawn to her…it’s not just him who’s in big trouble.

“Go grab the whiskey. I’m gonna need something stronger than this if we’re really going there.” He gestures towards the  bar in the corner of the living room. Gwen stumbles to her feet and grabs one of the bottles.

“Glasses?”

“Top cupboard.”

She gets two and lifts herself back up the countertop, handing him her findings. 

He pours a generous amount of whiskey for both. 

He takes a big sip and starts talking again.

“Are you sure you wanna know what I would’ve done differently?”

Gwen nods. “Unless you really don’t want to talk about it.”

“We might as well now.” He chuckles. “Is it bad that I wish I would’ve fucked her before she left?”

He smiles when he hears Gwen choke on her  whiskey.

“Even after coming to blows with her right before?”

“ _Especially_ after that.”

“I don’t think I could do that.” She says. “Sex should be between two people who like each other, not two people who are about to break things off.”

Blake savours the taste of whiskey in his mouth and swallows. His eyes are devoted in staring her down.

  
“Sex should be about passion. You’ve never felt passion with someone you didn’t particularly like before?”

“I’ve only ever slept with Tony and though I didn’t always _love_ him, I’ve always liked him.”

“My ex and I had too much history for things to end like they did. I can’t say I hate her – even now. We decided to end things and just never saw each other again. Mailed the divorce papers to her new address and she sent them back signed and sealed, ready for our attorney’s. I think I would’ve liked getting to sleep with her one last time before we parted ways, some fucked up form of closure perhaps?”

Gwen’s bottom lip sticks out in a bit of a pout and Blake finds it obnoxiously adorable.

“I don’t know much about her, but I think you dodged a bullet if she made you feel like whatever happened was irreconcilable.”

Blake smiles. “That easy, huh?”

“ I don’t think you should stick around someone who makes you feel bad about all the love you have to give. You said you couldn’t make her happy, so why even put yourself through it? I just don’t believe love is supposed to hurt like that.”

“Then what makes you stick around for Tony?” 

Blake knocks back the rest of his drink and Gwen avoids his gaze when she takes his glass and refills it. 

“Tony and I aren’t together anymore.”

“But you wait around for that to change.”

“He and I are just friends but we want the same thing for our music. I’m not gonna walk away from that because our personal relationship is messy. That’s the price you pay for good music I s’pose.”

“I just don’t want you to miss out on other great opportunities.” Blake quips.

“I’m not.” She shrugs. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

She pushes herself off the counter and twirls around his living room. He’s gotta keep in mind she’s a lightweight the next time he thinks of having them sip whiskey. 

  
“I could hang around here all the time. You have a nice place.”

He follows her softly.

“You’re welcome here whenever you want.” He says without thinking.

“That’s good because I don’t have that many friends and I go crazy inside my tiny apartment on my own.”

“And here I was thinking that maybe you wanted to hang around here because of _me_ .”   


He looks at her with a smirk when she comes crashing towards him. He’s surprised she didn’t knock into him and looks up at him through her long lashes. 

“Yesterday….” She starts on a whisper. “Why didn’t you do it?”

“I don’t think I’m following – “ 

“Why didn’t you kiss me?”

This was not supposed to happen. She was not supposed to like him back. But he can’t keep the adrenaline from rushing through him. His throat dries when he realizes he has no answer for her. Not a good one at least.

His silence makes her nervous and she steps away from him diligently. Her light footsteps carry her back to the counter as she now leans against it to stare at him from a distance. 

“It looked like you wanted to kiss me  after our performance .” She adds quietly. As if she needed to explain her sudden question to him. As if that moment wasn’t burned into his brain for all his nights to come.

Blake locks eyes with her and walks towards the kitchen slowly but with purpose. Gwen blushes when understanding dawns on her. She just made it so she has no room to move or back away and is completely at the mercy of whatever it is he wants to do. Blake puts his hands flat on either side of her against the counter top so that he cages her in. Gwen looks extremely small as he towers over her like this and his heart beats wildly.

“I _did_ want to.” Blake admits softly. “I want lot’sa things, doesn’t mean I get to have ‘em.”

“You can.” 

Her soft words are perfect and Blake smiles sadly at it.  He leans forward as their noses are practically touching and one of her small hands clench his shirt just lightly. 

“No.” Blake whispers. “I can’t.”

“Blake, what are you hiding from me? What are you trying to protect me from?”

_Me_. He wants to yell. _Me, me me _ _. Just me._

He kisses her forehead and steps away from her, walking to the kitchen island and pouring himself another glass, refilling her glass as he goes.

“Let’s have one more drink before we call it a night.”

He doesn’t look back at her right away and when he does he regrets it immediately. Her face is scrunched up, her lips almost pouting. Her breathing is labored and he can read her disappointment like a book that’s laid out for him. 

“Gwen...” He sighs before rolling around the scotch in his glass. “Will you just sit with me and have a drink? Please.”

She nods and pours herself another one. Her small body sits in front of him on the matching kitchen chair. 

He misses her body sitting comfortably on the countertop. As if she couldn’t possibly feel more at home. If her choice in seating reflects anything, it’s that she no longer feels as comfortable as she did minutes ago.

“I have a question for you, Blake.”

Even with the volume of her words being largely subdued, he’s glad to see she’s at least still talking to him. 

“What’s that?”

“When someone is obsessed with chasing passion but is terrified of actually obtaining it, what is there left to do?”

He takes it back. He wishes nothing more than for her to stop talking.

“I don’t know. I haven’t ever been presented with such a dilemma before.”

“That so?” She asks. “Would you say you’re an honest man, Blake?”

He sends his glass sliding across the countertop before standing up. 

“Enough with the word games. You wanna know how I’m feeling or _what_ I’m feeling, you’ll have to ask me like a normal person.”

“I did. I asked you plenty of times and I don’t get an answer.”

“Perhaps you’ve gotten your answer already, Gwen. Maybe you just don’t like the sound of it.”

When she stands up too he’s reminded of their height difference again. Her eyes stare straight ahead at his chest as if she can see his heart beating through his shirt.

She reaches out for his shirt the exact moment he reaches for her arm and it’s that synchrony that scares him. 

“I don’t want you to be angry with me.” She whispers. Her hand stills against his shirt.

“I’m not angry with you.” He says, his hand running up her arm until he reaches her shoulder. “But you can’t push me like this.”

“Okay.”

Her voice sounds small and the way she looks up at him reminds him of all the times he’s been on the receiving hand of a cold shoulder. 

“I think you’re brilliant, Gwen.” He says softly, not wanting her to leave his place thinking all he said to her before had been a lie. “You’re way too good for me. I know you’ll try and fight me on that if I let you, so I won’t. I’m gonna tell you right now that you are and I need you to just accept that.”

It’s borderline insulting of him to even entertain the thought she might. 

“I can’t do that.” Her words surprise no one. “But I promised you I wouldn’t push, so I won’t.”

He can’t help but smile at that. 

His hand brushes back her hair and clears her shoulder from any distractions. His index finger traces the soft skin where her neck meets collarbone and relishes in the goosebumps that break out there. 

“Blake...” 

“Don’t push?” 

She nods at his request and presses her lips together firmly. He knows it’s selfish but he needs this in order to not run away. As soon as she acknowledges his advances _too_ much, he’ll shut down. 

He shouldn’t drink around her anymore. That should also be his first admission to her. The worst part is that honesty comes the most easy to him when he’s drunk. 

“I’ve never had real beauty underneath my fingertips without ruining it.” He mutters. “And not the superficial kind of beauty you can find in magazines either, but the tragic and earth shattering beauty that fills your soul and leaves you empty when it leaves you.”

She says nothing. Just stares at him through her big lashes. Her tempting lips continuing to press together tightly, only slightly parting to take soft breaths.

“You’re not wrong in your observation that I wanna touch you. Be around you. But I don’t wanna ruin you and though you can’t see it yet, I know I will.”

“Why?” She whispers.

His hand cups her cheek diligently and savors in the moment when she leans into his palm. 

“Because I drink too much and care too little. Because I feel everything and show nothing. Because the person I was in my marriage has yet to come back to me and all that’s left right now is a fucked up version that I can’t put you through.”

Understanding finally dawns on her and she pulls away from his soft touches all together.

“I see.” She bites her lip and avoids eye contact. “I don’t know what to say to that, Blake. I still think you’re wrong. I think you’re much kinder, much more available than you make yourself out to be. But if you won’t let me push a little and you just keep rejecting me, I think you will hurt me. And with the music finally becoming a big part of my life and trying to juggle my friendship with Tony, I just don’t think I can....”

“I get it.” Blake says. Suddenly finding himself to be rejected instead of doing the rejecting.

“I should probably call a car now.”

“I’ll do it.” Blake says, shifting out of the kitchen and gesturing to her glass on the counter. “You just finish that drink for the both of us.”


	7. Chapter 7

The afternoon breeze fizzles his hair while he leans on his elbows and drinks from his cup. Adam and Jameson came over for a few hours before his shift starts and they’re gathered around the fire pit (that isn’t burning) as usual.

“ How’s everything been going?” Adam asks.

Blake is aware and honest enough to know what he’s asking and he’s never been one to beat around the bush unlike his  polar opposite friend. To the untrained eye, Adam looks positively bored and checked out while asking but Blake recognizes that to be just a tactic. Blake has no desire to lie.

“ Two out of seven nights, but I never blacked out. I still do the scheduled phone call thingy with Dr. Shields. Does that ease your worries?”

“Don’t be an ass.” Adam responds pointedly. “Do you think it’s a good idea for you to still work at the bar when you’re- “

“I worked my ass off for that place, Adam.” Blake interrupts. “If there’s one thing in my life that has been a constant source of stability and joy its Ole Red. I’ve got it under control. Jake deals with the rowdiest nights and I make sure I’m no where to be found when he does. It will continue to be like that until it doesn’t have to be.” 

Blake takes another sip of the sprite in his cup and sighs.

“Adam, I can  _ hear _ you thinkin’.” 

“Hey man, if you say it’s under control I believe you. I just had to ask.”

If Adam hadn’t been his friend for over five years he might’ve gotten annoyed. But Blake knows his concerns aren’t unfounded and Adam has been persistent in getting Blake back on his feet. 

“I’ve come to find out there are many more  ways to get drunk and it doesn’t entail a single drop of alcohol.”

He wonders if Adam’s eyes will fall all the way back into his head with the way he rolls them but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t expect Adam to understand or even be remotely excited about Blake’s tendency to find new ways to self destruct. 

“As long as you don’t drink yourself into oblivion, I’ll pretend to support whatever vice you’ve found yourself this time.”

* * *

He is five minutes early when he gets up on stage tonight. He fine tunes his guitar before making small talk with the audience. Right about now, that consisted of either piss poor drunk or clumsy bodies pressing against each other. It’s always nice to find out his appeal with the crowd no matter how wasted. Regular acts sometimes get greeted with an above average applause, but it’s never quite like when he takes the stage. 

People know him. People connect to him and he has still to figure out why. Perhaps it’s his human allure that draws people in. He’s not putting up a front or pretending to be any better than he is. He plays decent covers and plays decent guitar but he would never brag about his artistry to anyone. An artist pulls from personal experiences and creates art for people to connect with. Like Gwen. 

He enjoys singing covers and in the privacy of his house, might indulge in writing some lyrics.

But even he wouldn’t be able to deny the electric pull he seems to have on any crowd. There was an enticing air around him whenever he played his set and people often disserted the beers they were nursing to focus on his performance. 

Some people might have bigger dreams than that, but for him that was enough. Getting someone to put their drink down to take in whatever he is doing upon that stage is enough. 

He does it again. And again and again. There’s applause and cheap shouting that probably feels way too validating to him. There are people who pass requests to him through notes and scribbles on the back of  a thin coaster. 

He’s well through the half of his set when his eyes lock with the most gorgeous set of hazel ones. He recognizes them immediately. It’s impossible not to.

She has on tight jeans and small black top and he’s convinced there should be laws against stealing someone’s breath away so easily. She’s wearing a bright red shade of lip stick and he wonders if she gets any of it smudged on her teeth by the way she can’t stop biting them. 

He’s the last one to play a set tonight. Darius and Becky played before him. Gwen and Tony weren’t even on the schedule for today. There’s no logical reason for her to be here tonight.

Then again, neither is there for anybody else. Everyone who comes in here and stays long enough to watch his set probably has something they’re running from. He’s the last person to judge anyone for their  transgressions made in the dark.

He strums the final chords of his last song and bows in humidity when it ends. 

It was a good show, he can tell by the enthusiastic chatter going around. He hands his guitar to Bobby and instructs him to bring it back to his office. He offers his gratitude when the younger guy nods and even promises to buy him a round when he gets back. 

Blake makes his way to the bar but not to order himself anything. His eyes had found Gwen again when he stepped off stage and spotted her leaning against the bar. She was nursing a drink of her own and in contradiction to almost everybody else- she did  _not_ put her drink down even once while watching him. 

“You look absolutely gorgeous.” He says, leaning his back against the bar top much like she is. He didn’t mean for the words to be presumed as flirtatious because he’s genuinely unable to keep his grand admiration for her under the wraps. Whether that’s admiring her talents or her beauty.

She doesn’t look at him but he can see a soft smile hiding behind the rim of her glass.

“Thanks.” She quips. “You played a good show.”

Blake smiles. “Thanks. Did you recognize any of the songs I did?”

He knows she didn’t but he desperately wants the conversation to last a bit longer. 

“I didn’t. But whatever you played sounded great.”

“Garth Brooks and Alan Jackson remain to be go-to’s.” He drawls. He can’t help it – watching her absorb information she knows absolutely nothing about continues to be endearing to him. “ I actually played this song called Only Love tonight. I think you should check it out. It actually reminds me of you.” 

Gwen’s brow raises but she still won’t look at him. 

“I doubt there’s any country song that will remind you of me.” She chuckles.

“Oh, you couldn’t be more wrong.” He says. “Country music is all about storytelling. About describing the wonders and tragedies of this world.”

“Are you calling me a tragedy?”

He chuckles. “Not at all. Just…. the song has a comforting quality about it. Makes you feel like you’re sailing free and all the melancholy in the world means nothing as long as you have that one thing in life you can put your trust in.”

Gwen hums and finishes the last of her drink. 

“Sounds awesome. I’ll check it out.”

“Something wrong, Gwen?” He asks. It’s so obvious and on the nose that it makes the question downright stupid and he feels every last bit deflated by it.

She puts her glass on the bar top and pays her tap quickly. When she turns around to face him, it’s for the first time that night and she’s equally stunning, even when frustrated.

“This is just a bar and I am just a girl. You can’t tell me stories about how I remind you of comforting qualities and trust or anything else that’s _brilliant_ in the world. I am not any of those things and even if I were, you are not allowed to tell me.” 

The words hurt as much as one would expect them to. Still while taking in her stoic expression and tight lipped face, he can’t get passed his fondness for her.

“But you are all of those things, Gwen. I can keep it to myself from now on if that’s what you want but I will never let you insinuate that any of the things I said just now were false.”

Gwen stares at him angrily. Lost. Longing.

“You can’t say these things to me.” She repeats lowly and the way she pauses between every word establishes both anger and a bit of childishness on her part. 

“Then who can?” He asks, lowering his voice to a slow and steady whisper. “Tony? Does he tell you any of those things Gwen? Better yet,  _can_ he?”

She winces.

She takes one step into his direction, then lowers her voice to the exact decibel of his and attempts to kill him with her words. 

“Yes, he can. He can do many things. He can hold me, he can kiss me, he can do whatever he likes whenever I tell him I want it. I let him feel me and touch me and sometimes- “

He wanted to think he was better than this but her words are enough to finally send him over the edge. He cuts her off by grabbing the sides of her face and swallows her whimper by pushing his lips on hers. He’s thought about it enough to imagine what it would feel like, but nothing compares to the real thing. 

The kiss feels every bit like coming home. It’s too easy to sink and melt into it. He pries her lips open with his tongue and smirks at the small gasp he hears. It’s almost too tempting to cause her to make that sound again but he can’t do that here and they both know it. 

He kisses her one last time before letting go as her lips remain pouted. 

He leans down  again  a few inches and Gwen leans up like she’s meeting a kiss that  they both know won’t happen again, at least not here . Her hands curl into Blake ’s shirt and he drops a kiss on  her temple. Gwen lets out a soft grunt that disguises as a hum. 

Cradling her face in his big palm, he stares into her searching eyes.  “You make me a selfish man, Gwen. Or maybe I always have been and you’re just great at pointing it out.” 

Her stare is full of heat and longing. 

“I wish you wouldn’t kiss me like that and then said something to make it feel wrong.”

“I don’t want you to kiss him.” Blake says instead to prove his point. “I don’t want him kissin’ you, I don’t want him touchin’ you and I don’t wanna hear about all the times he did.” 

Gwen bites her lip and then surprises him. 

“Okay.” Her one word reply stuns him and leaves her with enough room to get another comment in. “But I don’t want to be your mistake or your dirty little secret, so make up your mind.”

He licks his lips as they’ve actively gone dry. 

“Okay.”

“One more thing.” 

He’s scared to ask. “What?”

“You kiss me like that again and I promise it won’t end there.”

A warning, a threat and a blissful promise all wrapped in one. 

He watches her walk away while falling victim to the tailspin inside his mind.

Which one is it gonna be?


	8. Chapter 8

“You bailed on your performance without  notice, showing not only how unreliable you are, but your lack of appreciation for the gig.”

Gwen’s eyes shift from his frame to Tony’s nervously and he can tell she’s torn between saving her ex boyfriend’s dignity and letting Blake’s frustrations rage on.

“I’ve missed  _ one _ performance.” Tony rebuttals weakly.

“And you haven’t been on time ever since we hired you.” Blake shoots back. 

“Wait a second.” Tony says. “I’ve been here every time, three times a week. I show up and we get the job done just like we said we would when you hired us. People like what we do.”

“They like what _she_ does.” Blake corrects him. His eyes look over at Gwen who looks rightfully uncomfortable. “People come here to see what Gwen does best and that’s the only reason she didn’t tank up there when you were a no-show. She doesn’t need you and therefore I’m really struggling to see why I should keep you on the bill.” 

“You can’t fire me.” 

Tony’s voice sounds confident to anyone who doesn’t know better, but Blake does. He knows what it looks like when a struggling artist becomes desperate. Better yet, he knows what it looks like when a hurt man lashes out and tries holding on to the one good thing in his life. 

“Blake…” Gwen says finally, voice subdued. “He’s right. We’re a team, you can’t fire him and keep me.” 

He doesn’t know what he expected from her but there’s hot anger rising to his head. He feels a bit faint on his feet, having absolutely no desire to keep Tony a part of his club’s line-up.

“I’ve given you multiple chances…” Blake grits his teeth. “We’ve talked, I tried to make sure you felt comfortable going up there each night...”

“Yeah, how did you do that?” Tony asks sarcastically. “By fucking my girlfriend?”

There’s a crackle of silence that falls heavily between the three adults. Blake’s suddenly feeling less guilty for having this conversation without his partner Jake. Hot red flashes fly before his eyes and it takes every single ounce of restraint to keep from throwing some punches.

“You’re an unprofessional piece of shit.” Blake  spats angrily, ignoring Gwen’s soft protest. “You don’t know a thing about hard work and you think you can walk in anywhere and people will just automatically accommodate you. I got news for you buddy…” He shakes his head bitterly. “You can forget about that here. I’m not handing you shit and I for damn sure won’t stand here and let you disrespect me. I want you to be  _ real _ careful about what you say to me next.”

Tony looks a bit deflated at Blake’s rant, but that quickly changes when he catches wind of Gwen’s nervous face.

“ I told you we would be a team as long as we have each other’s backs. I gotta know Gwen, do you still have mine?” 

Blake almost feels like this is a conversation they should be having in private, but he can’t get his legs to work. He stands nailed to the ground while he waits for Gwen’s words to set both men free.

“You know I have your back.” She whispers.

“Then let’s leave this place.”

Her eyes widen and Blake can almost feel her mortification. She looks like she just got the wind knocked out of her. 

“What?” She croaks out. “Tony, this is the best gig we’ve ever had. People ask for us now, they’re interested in our own music instead of just covers. We have a steady gig almost three times a week. You wanna throw that all away for- “

“For _us_.” He cuts her off. “I wanna throw that away so we can remain a team. We can’t be  _ us _ in this place and I’m sick and tired of sitting around and watching you make terrible decisions.” 

Blake chuckles.

“Tony, please don’t…” She pleads, but it’s futile and they all know it.

“The only reason you’re still playing here is because he fancies you, Gwen. He wants to get in your pants if he hasn’t already and that’s not you, you’ve never been that girl.”

Blake steps forward one step, his jaw locking so hard he feels it all the way in his throat.

“One more word.”

“Are you fucking her, yes or no?”

His hands move with an unfamiliar speed, pushing the smaller guy up against the wall by his collar. He can feel Gwen’s hands tugging on his arm but he dismisses it right along with her panicked pleas.

Had he been drinking, things probably would’ve turned out uglier but all he wants now is for the younger man to leave his establishment and never come back.

“You’re gonna pack your shit.” Blake grits his teeth. “You’re gonna pack your shit and leave, your deal with us terminated effective immediately.”

Tony pushes back, trying to get free from Blake’s tight grip but the tall Oklahoman doesn’t budge. 

“Tell me you understand what I’m tellin’ you.” Blake tightens his grip, establishing his control over him. 

“Blake please.” Gwen tries again but Blake shakes his head.

“I wanna hear him say it.” 

He’s never been a truly vindictive man and he never got off on anyone’s downfall, but Tony’s face filled with dread and surprise is truly the best thing he’s seen in weeks. 

“Fine, yeah...” Tony murmurs. “Jesus Christ, I understand.  Now get the fuck off me.”

Blake lets him go harshly, causing the man to tumble back against the wall and grab at his throat. He smooths out the collar of his shirt and stares out aggressively at the taller man. 

Blake’s pretty sure that if he didn’t have his seize working in his favor, Tony would’ve tried to get at him but that’s not happening.

“I’m done here, Gwen.” Tony says pointedly, as if he didn’t just get the boot and instead walked off entirely on his own accord. “This is not what I signed up for and you can’t tell me you did either.”

He doesn’t know where Tony goes next but he leaves them standing alone in the empty hallway, Gwen’s eyes wide and filled with tears. 

Blake holds back his tongue for the first time that night.

“How could you do that?” Gwen whispers softly. 

“It’s not the first time he disrespected me, Gwen.”

“So you  _ attack _ him?” 

“I pushed him, I didn’t hurt him.”

“What the hell is going on with you, Blake? It’s like ever since you invited me over to your place, everything has just gone to shit. This was the best thing I got going for me and you just ruined that over some petty jealousy that’s completely uncalled for by the way!”

“You can still perform here, Gwen. Nothing has to change for you.” Blake says naively. 

“You just fire my partner.” She presses. “My guitarist.”

Blake rubs at his temple. “We’ll figure something out, find you a new guitarist…” 

“ _We_ won’t do anything.” She says. “There is no  we . You made that really clear just now.”

He sighs and wraps his hand around her wrist, keeping her from walking away. She turns briskly at his touch but he doesn’t cower at it. “I didn’t mean for all that to happen, I just had to make it clear to him that he couldn’t treat this gig like some of after school hobby. There are people asking for a job here all the time. We have you two on three out seven nights. That’s not nothing.”

“You’re gonna keep pretending like any of what you just did had anything to do with business?” She spits back.

He bites the inside of his cheek. “I did what I had to do.”

“You did what you  _ wanted _ to do ever since we came in as a package deal.”

He blinks at her as if he didn’t quite hear her words. He sees a glint of hurt and frustration in her eyes and it’s a stark contrast to the kindness and bit of passiveness she usually harbors there. He finally understands how the eyes are the window to someone’s soul. He can surely make out hers. 

She’s so gorgeous it makes him want to punch a wall. But even his overwhelming infatuation with her can’t hide the anger welling up inside. He’s always cared about her career more than his own selfish desires and he’ s fought too hard to make her artistic choices happen for her to accuse him of the opposite now. 

His eyes fall on his office door and grab her arm more firmly. She fights his hold but surrenders when it becomes clear it’s a futile effort. He pulls her into the empty room and slams the door shut.

“What the hell, Blake?”

“Sit your ass down.”

He pushes the office chair towards her and she stops the stool from crashing to the ground just in time. Her eyes are wide and he can tell she’s growing nervous with an undertone of anticipation.

“Just to be clear, I’m sitting down cause I’m tired. Not cause you told me to.” She states before sitting.

He leans against his desk, hands gripping the edge. 

“ You can walk away because I fired him or you can continue to do what you’re so incredibly good at, that’s your choice. I promised you I would give you a safe place to play your music and I stayed true to that promise from the beginning. Tony did not, so I made him go. You wanna blame someone for fucking up your fantasy, blame him.”

“Why are you so angry?” She asks instead.

Stepping back from the desk and looking out the window, Blake finds himself feeling a little lost. She completely dismissed everything he just said and goes straight for the obvious. 

He turns to her. “I’m angry because you drive me crazy, Gwen. What do you want from me honestly? Damned if I do, damned if I don’t, right? I show you too little I’m an asshole, show you too much and I’m the angry and jealous asshole with anger issues.”

“You think firing Tony and pushing him up against a wall is being honest with yourself, but it’s not. You’re not facing your feelings at all Blake. You’re just pushing them away and pretending like your anger comes from somewhere else.”

“Where does it come from then?”

“ _Me_.” Her reply is barely audible as she stands up. “You asked me what the hell I want from you, but you know what I want from you. It hasn’t changed from what I’ve wanted from the start and you’re too scared to admit to yourself what that is.”

His jaw clenches.

He licks his lips and can’t bring himself to look at Gwen’s face when she starts talking again. “ I might be younger than you, but I’m not stupid. And you promised you wouldn’t treat me like that either.”

“I’m not.” He says. His eyes land on her face as she closes some of the distance between them. He can see her visibly drawing in a deep breath and he can’t tear his eyes away from her while her irises darken and change these brown pools into a shade of black. 

“ Do you want me?” Gwen asks, point blank, looking him dead in the eyes.

He feels like all the oxygen has suddenly been sucked out of the room by those four words. He’s suddenly aching for a drink he didn’t have today. His hands tremble like he’s already out of his mind drunk. He’s terrified.

He scrubs his hand roughly over his face. “I don’t think I can answer that question. I don’t think I _should_.”

“Yes you can. It’s just a yes or no answer.”

“It’s not that fucking simple.” He snaps and he’s slightly surprised by his irritation towards her bland regard for the complexity of their situation. He’s a drunk who’s only recently got a handle on things, he just fired her ex-boyfriend from entering his bar again and he’s so scarred by love the thought of having any type of intimacy with this girl leaves him breathless and aching. 

“I don’t know what you’re hiding from me but I’m gonna find out.” She says. “You might as well just answer my question.”

“ _ Yes _ .” He breathes.

Their gazes lock for a few seconds before she’s crashing her lips on his in a burning kiss. They fall into the wall behind  him and he can’t get enough of her body between his hands. She groans into their kiss, deep and heartfelt and its music to his ears. His fingers dig into her hips hard enough to bruise in the hopes he can pull that sound from her again. 

She breaks the kiss eventually with a gasp, eyes blown and skin flushed. She’s a damn masterpiece but he is not yet done raving her. Not when he’s given the green light to do so. 

Blake groans this time and pulls her into him again, stealing another kiss. It’s hot and demanding and he’s quickly reversing their positions and pushing her against the wall. Blake’s mouth trails along her jaw, down the side of her neck, sucking at her pulse point. There’s a steady and rapid thump beneath his tongue and he can’t get enough of the torturous sound that leave her full lips. He feels Gwen’s hands in his hair and he’s almost far enough gone to sink to his knees and pleasure her right here in his office.

They kiss until they’re both breathless and dizzy, her head snapping back against the wall when he pulls away. He’s full of frustration and impatience, a wire pulled tight and ready. He’s covered in a thin layer of sweat and their lips are slick with each other’s saliva. 

Gwen licks her lips as if she can read his mind and smirks. 

“Come over to my place?”

He shudders at the pure temptation, but shakes his head.

“I shouldn’t just yet.”

“I disagree.”

His hand reaches for hers and pulls it down to his crotch. “Feel that? That’s what you do to me.”

“Then come back to my place and let me help you out with that.” She teases boldly.

“Another time.” He replies.

“Blake?” He hums. “You need to rehire Tony.”

Blake grunts, stepping away from her. “Are you really bringing that up now with your hand on my dick?”

“I’m bringing it up now so we can get it out of the way and we can focus on what  _ really _ matters.” She squeezes him underneath her hand and he bucks up into the touch. 

He hisses and pulls her hand off him. 

“I need him for the music, Blake. Please. You’re an artist yourself, you understand what that means.”

Tipping his head back a little, Blake looks down at her through hooded eyes. She gives him a smile but nervous smile before he’s leaning in for her lip again. He presses a kiss to her mouth and lingers for just a moment before pulling back. “ You can ask him to come back, but I don’t want him hanging around here when he doesn’t need to be and I definitely don’t want any more comments from him directed to me. I swear to God he’ll be out of here so soon if he continues to do so.” 

Gwen nods fiercely. “I get that. Thank you, Blake, thank you so much.”

“Now, can we please drop the subject of Tony?”

Gwen laughs and shifts against him. “What would you like to talk about?” 

She bites her lip in anticipation and Blake absolutely adores that look on her. He loves to see her hooded by playfulness and arousal and he can barely stand his own thoughts. 

“ About how you’re playing with fire and if you keep it up, you’re gonna get burned.”

She trails a finger down his chest, youthful passion staring right into him. “That’s very tempting. Maybe you should enlighten me about that some more.”

She’s about to kill him. But out of all the ways he could go, he’ll enjoy this one the most. 

“Tomorrow.” He whispers against her l ips. “Invite me to your place tomorrow and I’ll do you one better. I won’t just enlighten you. I’ll show you.”


	9. Chapter 9

Her apartment is as small as it is tasteful.  There’s a plush couch and numerous retro music magazines and Hollywood glam posters lying around. It’s not quite as neat as he expected it to be and instead it’s actually  _ better _ . It’s messier, more chaotic and screams personality. Aside from his large frame trying to find comfortable footing around the tiny studio home, it feels incredibly safe to be here.

It’s a cruel trick if he’s ever known one because it’s more dangerous for him to be here than anything else. He’s drawing in closer to her instead of letting her go and he’s falling for her charms instead of holding her off. He’s doing everything he’s told his heart not to do and Gwen’s still for the most part oblivious to his daily struggles.

“Sorry I couldn’t cook you something fancy, the microwave is kind of the only thing that works right now.” She mumbles shyly, bringing back two plates of heated up lasagne. 

He takes the plate from her hands and sits back on the small couch. 

“Not a problem honey, thank you.” Despite the low-quality equipment in the kitchen, there’s a nice aroma of pasta and cheese that radiates from his plate as he digs his fork around. “Your oven doesn’t work?”

Gwen’s gaze follows his to the kitchen and smiles.

“I gotta get it fixed. The stove and microwave are the only things that work right now.” She says, shrugging her small body next to him. “Renting a studio home in LA is hard enough when the only steady income you have is playing Old Red three times a week.  Like, I  _ love _ it, but sometimes that means going without an oven.”   


She starts giggling while digging into her lasagne and he can tell she feels slightly embarrassed to have told him all this. 

He knew she wasn’t living lavish  and so her admission doesn’t completely stun him. 

“When did you move here?” He asks, only halfway paying attention to the food he’s eating. 

“Right after I graduated college, so…” She pauses for a few seconds to do the math. “About a year ago. I moved here with Tony initially, I had a job as a waitress for a while and he worked for his dad’s  marketing company. All the while we still tried to make our music happen.”

“What happened to your waitressing job?” Blake pushes, not interested in hearing anything else about Tony or how he’s apparently lived here with Gwen for a while.

“It was a horrible job.” She says, pausing. “But it paid the bills and kept the lights on. After Tony and I broke up, I asked for more hours and they said they couldn’t give that to me. We got into a little dispute about it and they decided to let me go.”

Blake scratches the back of his head, suddenly filled with empathy for the younger woman.   


He is quick to complain about the crowdedness of the city and his often turbulent work schedule, but he makes an earnest living with the success of his bar. He can’t imagine living out here with her uncertainty. Though he’s aware of the life struggling musician’s live, he isn’t quite prepared for what it feels like to know Gwen is living like that too. 

“How do you manage to pay for this place?”

“Savings, money from the bar and before that, money from whatever place would let us play a few songs for some bucks.”

Blake looks less than satisfied with her answer and she laughs quietly.

“I know it sounds crazy, but it’s honestly not that bad.” She says. “I get by.  Finding your bar has been the biggest blessing so far. The first night we played up on that stage, was the first performance we did since I was let go from my job. It was like a sign, you know?”

Blake hums. “ Is that why you’re so hell bend on keeping Tony a part of your set? You feel like that was a sign that you were supposed to be a duo with him?”

“I want to keep Tony around because we started the music together and that’s how I want it to be when we make it.”

He finishes the last of his lasagne and draws in a deep breath.

“Did you talk to him?” 

Blake doesn’t want to hear about her ex at all, but he knows that after the blow up they had at his bar, there’s absolutely no way around this conversation. 

“He says he needs time to think about it.” She replies, looking at him through hooded eyes. “You physically assaulted him, Blake. He’s not exactly  _ thrilled _ about coming back to work for you.”

“Works for me.” Blake huffs.

“It doesn’t work for me.” She counters, taking his empty plate from him and bringing it to the kitchen. He can tell by her demeanor that she’s upset and of course he already messed this up. 

“I’m sorry.” He sighs. “Look, if you want I can talk to Jake for you. We’re always looking to hire new staff and maybe you’d like working at a music bar more than you enjoyed your previous waitressing job.”

She’s just gotten back from putting the dishes in the sink as she processes his words. It’s the first time since being here that he’s able to take in her entire presence standing before him. She’s still wearing these criminally tight skinny jeans and a black see-through top with holes in it. She’s seduction on legs, even when she doesn’t try to be.

“Blake, no I can’t let you do that.” She says softly. 

“Why not? It would help us both.”   


“I would literally be working for you.” 

“You shouldn’t see it like that. You’d be working for the bar.”

“That you own.”   


Blake throws his hands up. “Just think about it. Please?”

She draws her lip into her mouth, wetting it. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel obligated to help me out, I can figure something out on my own.”

“I know you can.” Blake says, standing up and closing some of the distance between them. “But just let me do this for you. You help us out every night you’re up there on that stage, just let me do something for you in return.”

The gorgeous blonde looks up at him, brushing her hair out of her eyes with one finger. “ Thank you.”

He smiles back at her, seeing her eyes glint and her lips curl slightly. It’s overwhelming how truly beautiful and sexy she is, paired with an incredibly soft edge. He feels some part of him break as another part of him swells while taking her in.

“You’re welcome.” He rasps.

He turns around to sit back down on the couch, rubbing a hand down his face. He is in so much fucking trouble and he’s not entirely sure he can handle it yet. 

Her soft whistle causes him to turn around before he could sit his ass back down on her couch. 

His breath catches as she stands there in nothing but her jeans and bra, her ratty tank top discarded on the kitchen floor. She keeps her gaze focused on him while making a show of licking her lips. He knows exactly what she’s doing and yet...

“What are you doing?” He asks, staring at her transfixed.

She saunters closer to him, looking so damn sure of herself it almost angers him. 

He’s not good enough for her yet she doesn’t seem to notice that. His whole resolve leaned on Gwen’s ability to push him away and apparently she’s just as bad at that as he is.

“Yesterday you said I was playing with fire…” She whispers, her hands sliding up his clothed chest. “And you would show me what that meant.”

He groans. “I was gonna wait till you were ready.”

“It looks like I’m ready now, what do you think?” She asks flirtatiously, biting her lip and grinning when she catches his eyes running down her partially exposed body.

All his thoughts about doing this right and making sure he’s gentle when he finally submits to his worst desires are useless as he grabs her arm and pushes her against the wall soundly. He swallows her little shocked sound with his mouth, vaguely comprehending her tiny hand in his hair as she kisses him back. The kiss simultaneously feels like it lasts for both centuries and nanoseconds. She pulls away when she needs to breathe, her lips wet from his mouth.

“Have you ever had someone go down on you, Gwen?”

He knows she probably had sex with Tony before and this was a logical part of it, but he couldn’t refrain himself from asking. Not when she lets out the tiniest little gasp when he works himself down her body and kneels in front of her. 

Her eyes widen and a gorgeous blush forms on her cheeks.

“Yes.” She whispers, her hands gripping the wall. “But not very often.”

Blake tugs at her zipper maddeningly slow, gripping her jeans at their waistline and shrugging them down her toned legs. She steps out of her pants and looks down at him nervously when she stands in nothing but her feminine undergarments.

“That’s a shame.” Blake whispers, his hand trailing down her thighs as if he’s familiarizing himself with a woman for the first time. “I can already tell you’re gonna taste so sweet, Gwen.”

She whimpers a shrill sound before her head hits the wall behind it. Her eyes close and her breath stutters out brokenly when he starts kissing her through the thin fabric of her panties. Her leg is already trembling and he didn’t even get his tongue on her for real. His mouth waters as he kisses so close to where he wants to be, but he enjoys the way he’s got her so incredibly wound up. 

He smirks when she pushes her hips into him, hoping to indicate she wants more. He takes off her panties, revealing herself to him for the first time and she groans when he kisses her on top of her center, breathing against her most sensitive parts.

“ Blake stop teasing.” She whispers. “I can’t handle it.”

It’s all he needs to hear before swiping his tongue gently through her folds. She gasps and jerks, his hands holding her still while he starts circling her clit. He can tell she’s not used to being pleasured quite like this and her soft pleas and moans are enough to send him into a sexual overdrive. Never before has he been this high on someone else’s pleasure and every soft reaction he gets from her ignites the fireworks inside his own body. He presses his face deeper into her, massaging until she gets even wetter and sucking gently at her sensitive skin. 

He coaxes her closer to the edge as if they’ve been doing this forever and one of her hands land in his hair, pressing him into her desperately. 

“Blake, I’m – “

She gasps loudly when his tongue dives into her while his finger massages her clit gently. Her hips buck up and her moans become louder. She seems to be in more pleasure than she can handle and Blake is determined to see her break. He wants to watch her fall over that edge with his name on her lips. He applies a bit more pleasure and quickens the rhythm of his tongue inside her.

One of her hands remains in his hair while the other finds stability on his shoulder. Her legs shake and her body breaks out in goosebumps. He can tell by the increased wetness and tightening of her inner muscles that she’s close to that edge now and he changes nothing about his speed to get her to fall off it. 

She squeals highly and moans his name when she comes, stuttering against him and pleading for him to go on or to stop. He’s not quite sure. He figures it’s too much for her when she nearly sobs with her aftershocks and makes his way up her body slowly. His hand rakes through her hair softly as she tries to regain her breath. She opens her eyes to look at him and smiles weakly.

“Oh my god, I’ve never…” She stops herself and blushes, eyes falling closed again. 

He holds her close, torn between all he wants to do with her – and  _to_ her- and the rational part of his brain that’s telling him to leave before things get even more out of hand. 

  
“You’re staying right?” She whispers and her ability to see right through him is really fucking terrifying. 

He nods, trying to forget about the raging hard on in his own pants and the smitten and naïve look in Gwen’s gorgeous brown eyes.

Just like the most expensive bottle of whiskey, he just can’t leave her alone.   
  


“I’m stayin’.”


	10. Chapter 10

The way she looks at him has his heart climbing up his throat.  The heat in her stare coupled with the intense longing and care, has him feeling a chill all the way into his bones. 

This isn’t what he planned to do after meeting her for the first time. He didn’t plan to fall hopelessly for this younger girl, infiltrate her mind, invite himself to her place and make her pant and gasp with pleasure as his name rolls off her lips. But here they are. 

Her lip is caught between her teeth as she looks up at him, her hands hold on to his biceps and her brown eyes are so wide and bright as they ripple with the softness and hunger of her gaze. 

He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the breathlessness on her face when she came for him or the way she sounded when she let him take her there. 

“Do you want me to-” She looks a bit unsure of herself and his heart swells because of it. He doesn’t want her to be nervous around him, but it’s good to know he’s not the only one who’s going without any air in his lungs or stability in his frame. 

“Not right now.” He says. 

It might be one of the biggest lies he’s ever told. He couldn’t possibly be more ready and willing to have her pleasure him, feel her hands on his body, her mouth on his dick. He just doesn’t think  she’s ready and that will always remain his main driving force.

“Are you sure?” She winks at him while looking at the obvious erection tenting in his jeans. 

Gwen appears caught up in her own arousal, ready to take the incentive to stop wasting any more time. He can only hope she will remain so willing to go there with him after she learns who he really is – besides the guy who gave her a shot at music and intrigued her most primal instincts.

Blake traces his thumb along the line of her lips, leaving electricity in his wake. He lets it rest at the corner of her mouth as he leans in again. He dusts another kiss there and it has her body rising into him like a marionette. Her lips part to draw him in deeper.

She walks him backwards towards her couch and waits for him to sit back down on it. She pushes at his chest to try and get him to lie down before realizing her furniture holds no such space. He thinks quickly and sits up against the backrest, pulling her into his lap to straddle him. 

The solution appears to be an appreciated one if he goes off by her smirk alone. He closes his eyes at the sight of it, feeling a storm brewing inside of him much like the dark weather outside.

“ _Gwen_.” The husk of her name is like a lightning bolt between them. “We don’t have to- “

“Yes, we do.” She says, splaying her palms at his chest, up to the wings of his shoulder blades. “God Blake, do you have any idea how hot you make me?”

Blake grunts. “Don’t tell me.”

She swallows his protest by tilting his head up and catching the edge of his mouth. She nips at his lip with her teeth and then quickly teases it with her tongue. He should’ve known that being with her like this would be one big tease fest, the girl is a walking temptation. Her fingers tangle in the fabric of his t-shirt and scale his sides to find the hem. 

She begins to draw it up when he stops her hands with one swift move.

“We’re not having sex tonight.” He says, eyes flickering with trepidation. “ There’s so much more I can show you before we ever get to that.”

He can tell she’s still unabashedly eager to rip his clothes off, but she seems to half understand what he’s offering her. 

She sways slowly on his lap before leaning down to brush her lips to his clavicle. Her palm drapes over the resounding beat of his heart even whilst still fully dressed. His deep exhale flutters between them while her soft touches infuse warmth throughout his system. 

Peace, he thinks, this is what it must feel like. To be embraced in the only safe haven he’s ever known.

“I want to make you come again.” He murmurs, cradling her face between his palms. She looks up at him and laces her hands around his neck as if by instinct. 

“Really?” She whispers, visibly surprised. 

He nods before twining his fingers in her hair and stroking at the base of her skull. He flips them over on the couch so she’s laying down and he’s awkwardly in between her legs. She laughs against his lips as they stumble a little, her arms tightening around his neck. 

He tries kissing her again but her grin is too big and causes them to clash, the kiss inevitably falling apart. It’s dangerous how much he enjoys watching her smile almost as much as he enjoys everything else about her. 

“What are you gonna do to me?” She questions seductively, nuzzling at his jaw. 

The pounding of his heart makes him dizzy. He doesn’t think he’s ever had this many answers to that question swirling around in his mind. Never has his heart felt this much for a woman he barely even knows. 

Watching Gwen lay beneath him with only her bra on, activates his most primal desires. It’s not an easy thing to  deny her the thing she seemingly wants most, but it’s certainly the most rational one. 

“Close your eyes.” He orders softly, waiting for her lids to cover those gorgeous brown eyes. “Don’t open them until I say so. Don’t come until I say so.”

He smirks at the small stutter in her body as she bites her lip. She moans softly when his hand starts the tantalizing slow descend down her stomach to in between her thighs. He covers her body with the press of his chest and stops moving when his hand has reached its desired destination. Her eyes remain closed but he can tell she’s bursting at the seams to get him to do more. 

A low growl escapes him when he touches her wet folds, still recovering from the orgasm he brought her with his mouth. Her jaw drops when he gently rubs over her clit, dipping into the lubrication that’s only ever increasing by his deliberate touches. 

She arches up into him and whimpers, a soft and breathy sound. 

“Blake, please.” 

“I’m not a perfect man, Gwen.” He says while working two fingers into her slowly, kissing her on the mouth as he gently bends his digits inside of her. “Will you remember this?” He asks against her lips, working his thumb into position over her clit. “Remember this feeling when you think of me. God you’re so gorgeous, so sexy when you’re laid out like this.”

“ _Yes_ ….” She whimpers. “Yeah.”

Her back curves up from the couch and into the stable cushion of his hand. She’s breathing heavier and he can see the slight trembling of her eyelids as they fight to remain closed. 

“Do you wanna watch me?” He asks.

“Please?”

“Open your eyes.” He softly allows her, cursing under his breath when he feels new wetness pooling at his fingers. He brings his head down to hers and meets her hazy and glossy gaze. He grinds himself against her and loses himself in the amazing visual of Gwen so lost in pleasure. 

He works his fingers inside her faster, watching her eyes roll back into her head. She’s buckling and trembling and he knows he’s got her. Her eyes pop open and she stares at him when it happens, causing his dick to stir in his pants. 

He’s relentless, and for the second time in less than an hour, he’s proven that he knows exactly how to make her body bend to his will and how to not only make her come fast and hard but more than once. 

She slums back against the couch completely wrung out and boneless, her chest heaving dramatically. He watches her let out a shrill breath when he retracts his fingers from her and licks them clean just because. He kisses her softly just because he can’t help that either.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna have sex?” She pouts.

He chuckles, his brain having trouble keeping up with his logic. 

“I’m sure.” He says. “I’m not staying the night, honey.”

She looks up at him glassily. 

“You said you _were_ staying.”

“I said I was staying for the moment. I didn’t say the whole night.”

She bites her lip and lets her hand cover the side of his face. 

“Why not?”

He looks down at the hard on in his pants and back up at her. He knows for a fact that her line of vision followed his and if it didn’t, she’d be able to feel him pressed up against her hip. 

“Because I don’t trust myself around you.” He says honestly, his heart stuttering loudly at how true that is. 

“I don’t want you to leave.”

He kisses her again and he should really stop doing that if he wants to make any of this any easier. 

“You’ll see me again tomorrow at the bar.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.” 

He glances down again to meet her eyes.

“Let’s not rush this, okay?” He tries softly. “I want to be around you and make you feel good. I can promise you that. Everything else will happen in time  if you continue to feel the same about me.”

She  looks at him sideways.

“Why wouldn’t I continue to feel the same about you?” She asks, her hand toying with the hairs in his neck. “You’re not gonna scare me.” She whispers.

It’s then that he almost blurts out his past to her, feeling like she’d understand him and listen. It’s then that he realizes that when she finds out about everything that he tries so hard to keep from her, nothing could ever be the same. He fights back tears at how badly he wishes her statement to be true. It could never be but he admires her confidence just the same. 

He traces her lip with his finger and refrains from kissing them again. 

“You could make a good man sin, Gwen.”

She inhales deeply an d kisses the tip of his finger.

“You  _ are _ a good man.”   


He sits back down and pulls her naked frame on top of his. She goes to say something but he presses a finger to her lips to silence her. She wraps her arms around the back of his neck and settles against him. 

“I’m going home in a minute.” He says heavily, letting his mind wander to all the  _ what ifs _ and  _ could have been-s  _ as he holds her. “Just give me five more minutes just like this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know, are people still into this?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the sweet comments on the last chapter. Here’s a slightly longer one!

Blake looks around him as Gwen saunters between tables.  The bar owner notices her pure charisma spilling along with the drinks she serves. Her smile makes people feel just that extra bit at home and Blake can only agree with that notion. 

“I owe you twenty bucks.” Jake says, nursing a drink of his own behind the bar.

Blake smiles but remains silent. He can’t dignify that with a cocky or snarky comeback. Not when his eyes are still taking in Gwen’s gorgeous form and his blood buzzing with alcohol and the smooth taste of victory on his tongue.

“You said she’d be a hit with people and I thought it was a flimsy idea that would fall through the cracks as soon as she realized she wasn’t gonna be Gwen the artist, but Gwen the waitress.”

He listens to the low timbre of the man on the stage singing behind his guitar, a silky song ringing in his ears alongside the soft burn of his scotch.

“You’re too negative.” Blake says.

He lifts the drink to his lips and takes a deep and drawn-out sip. He can’t conceal the smirk on his face when Gwen walks up to the bar and takes a deep breath.

She finds Blake’s eyes and smiles.

“Are Wednesday nights always this busy?” She asks, lowering an empty shot glass on the bar top.

“Only when you’re there.”

She scoffs. “I’m so serious. I never even noticed how crowded it was in here when all I did was perform. Maybe it’s a bit of that artist’s narcissism they always talk about, but I saw nothing but the performance ahead.”

Finally, he tears his gaze away from her and signals at Jake to get her a Martini. 

“Take a break.” He says, tilting his head towards the stool next to him. “Have a drink with me.”

Her eyes widen.

“I’m working, I can’t just take a break.”

“I own this place.” Blake smirks, nodding towards the bar stool again. “And I just told you to take a break. See, problem solved.”

Gwen looks at Jake apologetically but his friend just shrugs once and sighs.

“ I’ve got you covered for a few minutes.” He replies, sliding down the Martini in front of her. “Remember those twenty bucks I told you about?” Jake pats Blake’s shoulder twice. “I’m keeping that.”

Blake chuckles, a prickly sensation crawling up his arms when Gwen sits down next to him and puts her lips against the rim of her glass. He thought that blowing off some steam with her last week would put his overheating mind at ease a little bit but it did only the opposite. 

He can’t stop thinking about the way her lips feel against his or the way her body shakes when he makes her come. 

“I missed you.” Gwen says softly, but loud enough for him to hear. “It’s been hell only getting to make out with you yesterday. Why won’t you come back to my place again?”

He feels the droplets from the condensation on his glass chilling his fingers, his body on high alert. They’re not supposed to talk about this here or at all. 

“Sweetheart, I’ve told you- “

“We’re taking it slow.” She cuts in. “Blake, taking it slow means at least doing  _ something. _We’re doing nothing.”

“We’ve done a lot.” He says, feeling his throat go dry as he remembers her soft and pliant body going boneless beneath his.

“I want to do more.” 

He raises his glass back to his lips and relishes as the drink sears down his chest. The golden liquid coats his lips and glistens slightly under the lights of the bar. 

“ After your shift, meet me in my office.”

Her eyes glisten with hope and anticipation, her fingers tightening around her glass. “My shift ends in an hour.”

Blake nods, closing his eyes to enjoy the rich taste of alcohol on his tongue. “You know where to find me.”

He can see the wheels turning in her head and he’s not surprised when she changes the subject away from her pending arousal.   
  


“Does it ever weird you out to know you’re only twenty seven and you’re already this... “ She searches for the right word and smirks. “Accomplished?”  
  


Blake snorts, taking another sip of his drink, realizing how ironic that motion is. 

“If with accomplished you mean jaded, I guess you’re right.”  
  


Her brow crooks. “Why would you say that?”  
  


Her dark brown eyes are like a golden haze blinding the darkest depths of him. 

“I shouldn’t have said that. Just forget it.”

She bites her lip and squints her eyes. “You just forced me to take a break and made your colleague fill in for me. You better make it worth my while.”

He sees the hint of a smirk on her lips which makes the words only a little less painful. 

“How would I do that?” He asks.

“By telling me the truth.”

He hopes she can’t see the stutter in his body and aching in his heart. He yearns for the opportunity to be honest with her more than he longs for his next drink. That’s exactly why he knows he’ll be more inclined to indulge in the latter. He replaces things he wants with substitute vices and fights his disappointment with a mind numbing addiction. 

“You think I’m accomplished because you see a guy who owns a bar and pays his rent on time.” Blake says lowly. “I see a guy who’s twenty seven and already got divorced once. I see a guy who’s lived too much life to be as young as he is and somehow that makes me feel like I’m living on borrowed time. That’s the truth.”  
  


Or at least a part of it.

He’s not gonna lie, it feels good to reveal that piece of the truth to her, even when she looks at him with glossy eyes.

“I can’t tell you how much it hurts me to hear you say that.”

His mouth goes dry and he can’t think of any other question than... “Why?”

“Because I don’t know why it are always the purest souls who appear to be the most tormented.” She says. “I would like for you to see yourself the way I see you. I think it would change your perspective on your jadedness greatly.”

He smiles. “I think I’d like to see the world the way you see it.”

Now it’s her turn to ask... “Why?”

“The way you talk, the way you _write_ , it makes me feel like you’re not afraid to look at life through a romantic lens. I like the way you look at things because it reminds me gentleness hasn’t left the world yet. I admire who you are.”

His words leave her blushing and speechless and he’s overcome with the urge to kiss her.

“You have to write songs.” She says. 

He chuckles. “I rather say these words to you and watch you get all flustered.”

“Why can’t you do both?” She winks. “Seriously, no more cover songs by old country dudes. Play your own songs from now on.”

“Old country dudes?” Blake’s eyes widen before taking another sip of his drink. “I’m tempted to take all my words back after that barbaric commentary about these _legends_.”

“Don’t take them back.” She giggles.

“Then educate yourself.” He smirks.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers, biting her lip. “Maybe you should _educate_ me.”

He looks at her darkly.

“Maybe I should.”  
  


She finishes the last of her drink and winces softly.  


  
  
“I think my break is up.” She says. “Thanks for the drink, Blake. I should get back to work.”

”See you in an hour?”

She nods suggestively.

He watches her pick up where she left off and his friend trades places behind the bar once more. The bar is indeed crowded and he feels a bit of sweat breaking out on his forehead.

He taps the bar top and smiles at Jake. 

“Another one.”

His friend scoffs and chuckles.

“Yeah, you wish.” He takes the glass from him and puts it next to the rest of the dirty dishes. “One glass of Sprite coming right up.”

* * *

He’s been waiting for less than five minutes when the door creaks open carefully. Her head pops in first until she makes sure there’s no one but him in the room. She closes the door behind her and rests her back against it.

“What if someone notices?” She whispers.

Blake pushes himself out of the office chair and walks closer to her. 

“Notice you coming into my office?” He drawls. “You work here. It’s normal for you to be in here sometimes.”

“Not after work hours it’s not.”

He smirks. “You nervous?”

It takes only two full strides for him to be standing in front of her. He leans down a little but doesn’t kiss her. He wants to hear her ask for everything that might transpire here tonight.

“I’m just making you aware of the facts.” She murmurs softly and affected.

Blake traces his hand down the center of her blouse, fumbling with her buttons but not actually trying to open them. 

“All I see is a beautiful girl standing against my office door, really wanting me to touch her.”

She hums and it’s a teasing sound that scares him as much as it ignites fire within his guts. Her chuckle doesn’t sound much better as it settles in the pit of his stomach. Her hand  slides down to his chest and the buttons of his shirt before yanking just the once. 

His shirt crashes open and hangs awkwardly around his shoulders. His body stutters for a moment, unsure of how to proceed, not expecting her rough movement at all. Before he gets any time to think it through, she jumps and locks her legs around his waist, trusting he would catch her. 

He holds her up against the door, his chest exposed and her legs tightening around him so tightly he’s sure it will leave a bruise. 

“Fuck Gwen.”

“I figured since you know all about what I want, I wouldn’t have to tell you.” She whispers against his neck. “I could just…do it.”

Her hot breath against his neck makes him bite down hard on his bottom lip. He pulls at the flimsy fabric of her blouse and this time opens it with ease, wa tching her lacy bra come into view. 

“You figured wrong.” He says lowly. “I wanna hear everything you  want, I  need you to tell me.”

“You already know.” 

He shakes his head and grinds into her once, making his erection known to her by rubbing it against her clothed center.

“ I wanna hear you say it anyway.”

This is going to hurt later and he’s going to feel it for days but he doesn’t care. He wants it too much to care. It’s been too long since he’s  been able to let go like this, to give himself up to the passion and pure unadulterated lust. He can’t worry about the unimportant things like bruises and pain in his joints when all he wants is for Gwen to take him apart with her mouth and wandering hands.

She slides her hands down his exposed chest and stops right above the waistline of his pants. “I wanna feel you. All of you.”

“I’m not fucking you here in my office.”

“You don’t have to…” She whimpers, head falling back against the door. “Just grind into me like this. Make me feel it.”

He grins down at her, the words feeling like pure alcohol. Rich and savoury, tasteful and dangerous, familiar and gorgeous.

He shifts his position against her so he rubs her just right, her soft moans causing him to be ridiculously hard for her in no time. She moves against him, opening her legs wider for him and meeting every single one of his thrusts. It’s almost too easy to fall in a rhythm that works for them and he feels himself crashing towards that high with unfamiliar speed.

Blake eyes are dark as he sweeps his thumb across her lips and watches  her work the appendage into her mouth. The way her lips look wrapped around his finger make him think of the way it would feel for his erection to slide past her lips. The way her cheeks slightly hollow as she sucks his digit rhythmically into her mouth is unprecedented torture. 

His member is aching and so are his hips, but the pain does nothing to extinguish the pleasure curling low in his belly. His whole world narrows to nothing but the hot slick of Gwen’s mouth on his finger and his erection grinding into her center. He watches her jaw go slack next, his finger slipping out of her mouth as she whimpers and comes. Her whole bIsy stutters and seizes in his arms and it takes nothing more for him to follow soon after. He feels like he’s been punched in the stomach when he reaches his own high, losing his breath for a long moment as he rides out the waves. 

“Jesus Christ.” 

“You good?” She asks with a smirk, hauling him in for a kiss.

He nips at her mouth and breathes into her, finding his bearings. 

“ I’m starting to think that maybe I  _ can _ be.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of this chapter will be a two-part. Thanks for still being interested.

It’s foolish how much he can enjoy the simple gesture of watching her run around and be her vibrant and beautiful self.  It’s easy to get lost in her dynamics and watch the admiration she gets from other people than himself. It would almost be easier if she wasn’t this force of nature. He wouldn’t feel so compelled to look at her all the time. 

She’s overly happy as they set up the stage and it shows in her over affectionate and enthusiastically flirtatious demeanour. She looks overjoyed to be playing her set soon and he can’t help but wonder if it has something to do with her relief over Tony  _ finally _ deciding to show up. 

Blake stays back on purpose even though he wants to go over there and wish her luck, press a firm kiss on her lips for everyone to see right before she goes up there and kills it. But he won’t spend any more time around her ex-boyfriend than he has to, so he settles for watching her from a distance and nursing a single drink.

Somewhere during her seemingly over caffeinated state, she pries away from the people surrounding her and saunters over to Blake. She has gleeful amusement in her eyes when she leans her side against the bar to face him. 

“Weren’t you gonna wish me luck?” She asks, her lip caught between her teeth. 

Blake smiles.

“I don’t think you need it.” He answers, touching her hand briefly. “But have fun. I can’t wait to watch you mesmerize every single person in this room.”

“You’re sweet.” She says before clapping her hands as if she just remembered something. “Guess what I did last night?”

Blake crooks his brow and she slaps him softly against the shoulder. “Nothing dirty, cowboy. Take a guess.”

“Uh...” He stammers while in thought. “I don’t know.”

“I educated myself and listened to some George Jones.” She smiles. “You kept talking about him and I wanted to know what kind of music inspires you and I gotta say I’m impressed. ‘He stopped loving her today’ may or may not had me shedding a few tears.”

“I might turn you into a proper cowgirl after all.” Blake jokes, though he would never want her to change.

“Not a chance.” She sticks her tongue out at him and smiles. “But I do love his music. Will you make me a list of your favorite country songs?” 

He knows it’s way too soon to talk about love, but he can see himself loving her until the end of his days when she looks at him like that.

“Sure, I’d be glad to.”

“Thank you so much.” She squeals before placing a kiss on his cheek. “Oh, that’s Tony, I gotta go cowboy. Watch me?”

He smiles. “Always.”

“Here we go.” She whispers excitedly before rushing towards the stage at the front. 

Blake leans against the bar,  shoving his free hand into his jean pocket .  Her voice is much like whiskey,  brutal and hot and feels exceptional in his hands. 

He’s not even fazed by Tony’s appearance when he shows up next to her, whispering in her ear and  visibly agreeing on their song selection. The crowd always goes up for the duo and maybe Gwen wasn’t all wrong when she fought for Tony’s place next to her. There is magic in what they do together and the bar owner wasn’t too far gone to see that. He could only credit her for standing her ground and doing what was best for the music. 

Her voice is the most refreshing thing in the world, transporting him to a place that is just a little less brutal to be in. He likes the way he feels about himself when he hears her sing, he likes the fact that she makes him _feel_ in general. It’s the ongoing pull within himself, it’s what he admires and loathes her for. 

“Want another one?” Eric asks from behind the bar. 

Jake’s got a night off and it shows.

“I’ll go with a Sprite. Thanks.” 

The song she’s singing doesn’t ring familiar to him which is odd considering he’s been here for every show she’s done. He knows her repertoire. 

It’s a new song.

She’s all smiles, white teeth and pink lips, and  with  the sexiest sway of her hips. She glances back at Tony who barely keeps up playing the guitar but manages somehow. He can see the joy in her eyes even from this far away and it feels like his heart is being thrown around in acid. 

He looks back at Eric, lifting his finger.

“On second thought, make it a vodka Sprite.”

_ I love you completely _

_ I guess I’m kinda mad about you _

_ Love overcomes all of my senses _

_ Lowers all my defences _

_ I couldn’t be madder about you _

The vodka doesn’t quite burn the way his whiskey does but it feels numbing enough as it glides down his throat. He thinks of all the other places he’d rather be than sit here and watch her pour her heart out to an ex-boyfriend, but he’s still mesmerized by the smoothness of her voice and the eroticism of her moves. It’s quite ridiculous how easy it is for her to turn people into putty in her hands. All this time he was hoping for a resemblance of control with her,  but it  turned out to be  nothing but  a façade. She always held all the cards to make or break him. He was merely playing pretend.

_ The lights are shining down upon you and I  _

_ My world is stricken by love _

Her words might’ve been hard to handle but the look in her eyes is w hat positively destroys him. She  doesn’t look like a girl getting over an ex. She looked like a girl  _ remembering _ her ex. She looks like a girl who’s being reminded while singing, of everything she missed, everything she wants. 

He hates her in that moment. There’s nothing but pure hate raging through his body and he chases it down with the gentle burn of vodka. 

_ Kiss me over and over forever and ever my love _

_ Kiss me over and over forever and ever my love _

He knows what she feels like, knows what she tastes like, but it will never be enough to keep her from Tony. 

The song ends and transitions into another one but he’s checked out already. He hears the lyrics faintly in the background, hears her voice ringing through the packed room hazily, but nothing seems to hit except for the twinge in his chest. 

Blake carries himself behind the counter, grabbing a whiskey bottle from the shelf and turning briskly around. He needs to get out of here, go home and have a drink before he’s too far gone to drive.

“You alright man?” Eric asks, a tinge of worry in his voice.

This wasn’t like before and the younger man’s eyes go to the bottle in his hands. 

“Everything’s fine. I’m heading out.” Blake says, digging into his pocket to retrieve his wallet and slams down three ten dollar bills. “That’s for the bottle.”

“You sure you want the whole thing, man?” The bartender tries carefully. “Let me just pour you a glass.”

Blake smiles. “Have a good night, Eric.”

* * *

The door slams behind him and he immediately disregards his phone on the counter. As soon as it hits the surface it begins ringing. 

Blake runs a hand through his curly hair as he wanders into his kitchen. He grabs the whis key glass from the counter that’s  always there when he  needs it and  pours a generous amount from the bottle he took from the bar. 

The whiskey burns as it goes down, numbing his heart just enough to make breathing a little easier. He shouldn’t be drinking alone as he’ll have bigger problems than Gwen rejecting him but there is no putting a lid on it when he gets started.

  
He should probably call Adam and let his friend talk him out of his self destructing tendencies. But it’s not enough this time.   
  


He needs more than a few pretty words to soothe the ache inside his heart. So he won’t be opening up to anything but the bottom of a bottle.

His phone continues to ring, whoever is calling desperately wanting to talk to him but he lets it  go.

Flashes of Gwen torment his brain while he forces one drink down after the next. He keeps it going until the image of her becomes fuzzy and unclear.

His tolerance had quickly started to get poorer and he feels the shakiness of his body already. The shivers that remind him of his fuck up make him tired and hopeless. He can already hear Jake’s voice reprimanding him, hear Adam’s disappointment and the infuriating patience of his therapist.

  
His tongue is getting numb in that way he knows too well and is getting stuck to the roof of his mouth. There’s an extra weight at his eyelids and he aches drowsily against the kitchen island.

He progresses from drinking from a glass to taking swigs from the bottle on the floor. His clothes feel like they’re getting fused with his skin from the way sweat and tears stick them together. He moves around a bit but moans and aches with the effort. He tries to let his inebriated state force him to fall asleep but his stomach feels like it could empty its content all over the floor at any time and the broken and hazy images of Gwen continue to keep him awake. 

  
He is squinting at the disorientation from having his cheek against the floor. A tear rolls down his cheek when he can’t stop thinking about the gorgeous singer.

He doesn’t understand why she would dangle hope in front of him like that and force him to watch her take it all away. He held on to her promises like a fucking life line and that’s on him. He can already hear his therapist tell him to take responsibility, take positive accountability for his own weaknesses. Gwen is his. 

He wants to drink it away. He doesn’t want to remember how she feels. Or how she tastes. He doesn’t want to think about her listening to George Jones because she heard him cover it. 

He drinks until he forgets about all the misguided hope. 

He wonders how it managed to end before it even began. He wonders why he’s even surprised.

He silently thanks the  bottle of whiskey in his hands for being the only thing to  never  slip too far out of his reach.


	13. Chapter 13

“Blake, Blake, BLAKE!” 

He gasps as he’s being woken up by a female voice, soft hands tugging at his face. His throat feels like he’s swallowed a bunch of razors and his head throbs in that familiar way that makes his body fill with regret and embarrassment. 

He sucks in a breath and is immediately greeted by the smell of whiskey. He feels cold and stiff and can barely think straight but those eyes he’d recognize from anywhere. 

_Her_ eyes.

He shoots up only to fall right back down, the voice of his friend joining in with the soft one of hers.

“Be careful, you’ve been on the floor for god knows how long.” Jake warns him softly. “I would say take a shower but you might fall and slip in this condition. Let’s get him on the couch.” 

Jake’s words feel far away to him even as his friend helps him to his feet and has Gwen hook her arm around his frame to usher him towards the couch. 

Eric must’ve called Jake after watching him leave with a bottle of whiskey last night and for some godforsaken reason, Jake had called Gwen. 

He tries reaching for the bottle of whiskey that’s lying on the floor next to his feet, but Gwen quickly kicks it out of reach before helping him up. He looks at her sorrowful eyes and regrets his pathetic move instantly. 

He lies down on his couch and closes his eyes, vaguely hearing the sound of their voices in the room.

“We can’t talk to him when he’s like this.” Jake tells Gwen. “We’ll have to wait.”

He thinks he hears her crying and stifle a sob in the distance, but it could also be his pathetic and regretful mind playing tricks on him. 

* * *

The first rays of morning light cast his battered body. He’s clutching the quilt they draped over him and feels the tension in his knuckles much like everywhere else. He groans something inaudible in the air when he tries to turn and then just gives up. The couch is too small for much movement anyway. He goes to stretch his legs some more when he hits a tender blockage that causes him to look up. Gwen’s beautiful legs are folded up underneath each other as she sits pressed against the far corner of the couch, a luminous glow falling over her. 

He wishes it was enough to overshadow the look of worry and disappointment from her entirely. But it never is.

Her eyes are puffy and red and some of her mascara has left stains on her cheeks. He feels like a world class asshole on top of feeling like he’s been hit by a bus. He wants to get up and hold her and apologize but he can’t even turn his sorry ass around, let alone comfort her in all the ways he should.

“Jake, he’s up.” 

Gwen’s voice sounds shrill and panicky and he hates how she sounds so afraid. Afraid of what’s happening or afraid of the person she just learned that he is. Whatever it is makes her too anxious to deal with him alone now he’s finally up. 

“ _Gwen_.” He groans.

She wipes at the newly formed tears in her eyes. 

“Sit up man, I’ve got  some Advil and water for you.” Jake’s voice interrupts his weak attempt at making contact with Gwen. He wants to groan and brush him off but the man is already helping him into an upright position. He moans with the effort and is pathetically out of breath by the time he’s sitting up. 

“Gwen.” He tries again while accepting the glass of water and swallowing two pain relievers. 

She looks at him with glassy eyes, taking in the sight of him. He doesn’t want to think about what it is she sees but he _does_ need her to talk to him. Give him anything to relieve him from this hammering anxiety that tells him he will never see her again after this.

She’ll probably quit her job at his bar and find another place to perform in. That is if he doesn’t lose the rest of his staff after another episode of ‘the shit Blake pulled’ and is forced to close the place down due to his unmanaged addiction. 

“ Blake, I’m gonna head out. Promise me you’ll take a shower and take two more of those in the afternoon.” Jake says. “I’ve got your shift covered tomorrow so don’t you dare show your face there.”

“Anything else?” Blake asks annoyed.

“Call Dr. Shields.”

Blake sets the glass down on the floor and nods, falling back into the couch. He knows his friend will never leave if he doesn’t promise him those things and Blake knows a call to his therapist is the regular procedure after he fucks up.

“Wait, you’re leaving right now?”

Gwen’s voice makes him look back up. He can hear her rapid breathing and the way her body tenses. 

“I have plans today, Gwen.” Jake nods ruefully. “This is not his first rodeo. He might not look like it but he will get himself together until the next time.”

Blake wants to argue with the pessimistic stance of his friend but he can’t get himself to do so.

“I’m fine, Gwen.” Blake says. “You don’t have to stay either.”

_But please do_ . He won’t say the pleading words but they fill his brain all the same.

_Or do. I don’t care_. His brain fills with juxtapositions. He is supposed to hate her.

“I’ll make sure he goes and takes that shower.” Gwen speaks to Jake. “Then I’ll leave.”

He nods. “Call me if you need anything.”

Blake lets the words flutter around in his head, sinking back further into the couch. He feels his body aching and pulling at so many places at once he can’t possibly focus on actual words being said. He used to be better at nursing these hangovers, back when they were much more frequent. His tolerance for the substance might be the one thing that did lessen over the months.

His house feels quiet when his friend leaves and he’s too much of a coward to face Gwen again. He’s still too angry to pretend like he’s upset about it.  


He listens to her quiet breathing and tries to slow his own down to the same steady rhythm. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Gwen shakes her head while staring straight ahead. Even her side profile looks distorted and broken and it’s that kind of pain he wanted so desperately to spare her. 

It doesn’t even look like she’s talking to him.

“I was right there.” She whispers, the sadness in her voice stabbing him viciously in the chest.

The silence in the room is deafening. Their future hangs uselessly between them, like a thin string ready to be cut loose.

“Why do you do it?” She asks.

Soft brown eyes finally meet his hard blue.

“I don’t know why.” He says hoarsely.

“We cleaned up the place while you were asleep. There was booze and glass all over the floor…” She says while breaking their gaze again. He must’ve dropped the glass when he lowered himself to the floor last night to continue drinking from the bottle. He doesn’t even remember. “Jake told me I could sleep in your bed for a few hours but I couldn’t get the image of you passed out on the floor out of my head, so that didn’t work out. I just sat here and watched you sleep, asking Jake every few minutes to check if you weren’t dead. I couldn’t even see or hear you breathe.”

“ Gwen .” He whispers, her name rolling off his lips with so much regret and sorrow.

“Jake told me this happened a lot last year but you got better. You got help and sobered up enough to get your life back on track. He said you can only have one drink when you’re at the bar and then you’re cut off. He said the only time you ever do drink these days is when you’re at Ole Red. That’s how you manage, that’s how you cope.”

Blake feels nauseous. His secret is no longer a secret anymore and his friend took the liberty to tell her everything he kept from her.

“He’s right.”

“But something made you grab that bottle again last night, Blake. You didn’t stop yourself after one glass at Ole Red.”

“I had a moment of weakness.”

“You had a moment of weakness but you don’t know _why_?” She recaps. “That’s the reason you give me after making such a selfish fucking decision?”

Her profanity catches him off guard  and causes him to shake. The sweat that acquires his chest and hairline glistens against the morning sun. 

His deep voice sounds pained and tormented. “I don’t have an explanation for you that will make this any better.”

Blake watches as her eyes narrow and her mouth forms a thin line. If looks could kill, he wouldn’t need his alcohol any longer.

“That’s just not good enough.”

“Luckily for you I’m not your problem. I’m not your boyfriend Gwen, I don’t need you looking out for me.”

She looks rightfully stunned. 

“I care about you.”

Blake scoffs sarcastically. “That’s just great.”

He’s saw hearts break only twice before, but Gwen’s appears to be shattering in front of him. 

“You should listen to Jake and take a shower. It can’t be good for you to stay in these sticky and stinky clothes.”

Blake feels the deep sting in his chest even through his anger towards her. 

“Gwen...”

“I don’t need you to be nice to me, Blake. I just want you to get it together.” She picks up the blanket from the couch and folds it up into a neat square. 

“I didn’t mean for you to see me like this.” 

She’s back to facing him in a second. 

“This isn’t about me. I can take seeing you like this Blake, I’m not gonna break. You know who  _is_ gonna break if you keep this up?” 

Silence lingers between them even though he knows the answer to her question. He just has too much pride to say it.

“You.” She finishes for him. “You’re gonna break and you’re forcing people to watch you do it.”

Just as he thought he was starting to feel a bit more human, he remembers the magnitude of his fuck up to the point where it makes him feel like a limp rag doll.

“I’m sorry.” Gwen says softly. He thinks she might feel bad after watching the blood drain from his face. “Why don’t you take that shower right now. We can talk when you’ve gotten yourself cleaned up.”

He’s not looking forward to more conversation but he wants out of these clothes. He no longer wants to be surrounded by the husky smell of booze and sweat on his body and breath. 

He watches her take a seat on the couch again and he knows asking her to leave would be completely useless. 

His hand rubs firmly over his mouth and he almost gags when he catches his own breathe there. Overnight scotch and the dehydration that comes from the lack of water he’s consumed this morning only emphasizes how badly he needs to clean up. 

Heading for the shower, his only wish is for the hot water to wash his anger down the drain. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A conversation between Blake and Gwen is up next >


	14. Chapter 14

His shower got rid of the smell clinging to his clothes but does nothing for the feeling of wanting to peel his own skin off with his nails. He feels like he lost 15 pounds in one night with the way he’s only now noticing how baggy and loose his new jeans are. 

He’s feeling fragile and doesn’t have the energy to worry about Gwen’s promise to stay. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel intense relief coursing through his body at seeing her sitting  on his couch staring  out into the distance. 

He’s about to clear his throat when his footsteps cause her to look up at him. 

It’s after such an intense night of failure that he realizes it’s not just a woman he misses or the belief of having someone by his side who  loves him for who  he is. He’s torn apart about how badly he wanted that person to be _her_.   


He needs patience and gentleness and he almost had that with Gwen. 

He has this horrible habit of being a little too much when he’s supposed to be less and being a little too little when he  has to be more.

Gwen walks up to him with steady strides and he sighs deep and long. 

“Gwen, I know you want – “ 

Blake has no time to finish as Gwen pushes up onto her tiptoes and crashes their lips together.  Blake stumbles backward and instinctively reaches out for something to steady himself. Gwen’s got their lips locked together, tugging harshly and the strangest part is that Blake doesn’t feel the need to pull away. Her skin flushes with a shade of red that’s got his hunger spiking out of control and he should  really be putting a stop to this. He recognizes her desperate attempts to cling to him and knows she’s making up for almost losing him last  night. He thinks images of him passed out on the floor are the ones she’s desperately trying to replace with images of his lips on her instead.

He finds her jawline throughout a string of hungry kisses and brushes his fingers there softly. The gesture parts their lips and he’s staring down into a set of hazel eyes, bright and afraid.

“ I wish you would’ve told me.” 

He holds her gaze even when he doesn’t think he’s strong enough to. She saw him drunk and out of his mind, the least he can do is watch her be sad about it.

“I didn’t know how.”

“Why did you do it?” She whispers. “I know addiction isn’t something you just recover from, but you were d oing good. What set you off last night ?”

He tries to kiss her again just because it’s so much easier to familiarize himself with her lips than it is to familiarize with her disappointment. 

  
“Why won’t you tell me?” She asks.

“Jesus Gwen. What is this, twenty questions?”

Snapping at her was out of line and he knows that before he even meets her tear-filled eyes. He’s a mess of feelings that are eating him up inside.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers while attempting to pull her close. 

She shakes her head, pushing out of his arms. “I want to help you but I need you trust me  in order to do that.”

“Are you leaving?” He asks bewildered, watching her move further away from him and closer towards the door. 

“I shouldn’t have kissed you just now.” She says softly. “I’m sorry about that. I’m trying to give you the space you need until you’re ready to come to me.”

“I am ready.” He says, taking a step forward. “I came to you already, didn’t I?”

“ Really come to me, Blake.” She says. “I know you have no problem kissing me but that’s not what I’m talking about. I want you to talk to me. I want you to see me as an equal and recognize that you can confide in me the same way you do with Jake. I know you think I won’t be able to handle you at your worst but all I can say to that is..stop selling me so short.”

Blake folds his arms over his chest to appear more casual, but  in reality he feels like he’s being slowly picked apart until there’s nothing left of his defences.

“I do confide in you.” He sighs. “I talk to you all the time Gwen. But you’re asking questions that don’t need answering. I did what I did because I’m an alcoholic . I can tell you all the reasons I  had in my head for doing what I did last night, but that won’t make any of us happier.”

“That doesn’t matter. I’m asking because I want to understand what went through your mind.”

“And I’m telling you, nothing important.”

She looks disappointed in his dishonest answer and deflates visibly.

“You don’t confide in me, Blake.” She says sadly. “You hide .”

“What do you want from me?”

“I want you to be honest with me and stop treating me like I’m some unaware idiot. If I wanted more of that I would’ve stayed with Tony.”

His eyes narrow as if he’s squinting under harsh sunlight and his jaw locks painfully tight. 

“Don’t go around sayin’ stupid shit to me now, Gwen.”

“It appears to me like  _ stupid shit _ is what you respond best to.”

He’s in front of her so fast she doesn’t seem to quite know what’s happening. He’s got one hand leaning against the door and effectively stops her from going anywhere.

“You sang that god damn song .” He drawls as images of that notorious  moment come back to him. “You were singing about loving the shit out of him while looking like he hung the damn moon and I was sat there watching ya.”

She looks at him so shocked he can’t help the bitter chuckle that escape him. “ _ Yeah _ . You wanted me to pretend like that didn’t rip my heart out? I’m sorry I couldn’t do that. I was too busy remembering what you taste like while you were singing about yearning for another man’s love.”

“Blake stop.”

But he didn’t want to stop. It felt too good to finally be talking and his heart was like an overflowing sink as it poured out and stumbled over his lips.

“I was drinking  cause I thought it would make me forget about you and him. It would make me forget about your voice, your body, that god forsaken song. I wanted to stop remembering it all. I did a pretty dang good job of that too until I woke up and stared right into your eyes. I  have to ask you Gwen, why did you come? Why didn’t you just take the love you fought so hard for and abandon the one you so  brutally broke?”

“The song wasn’t about Tony.” She whispers and he can hear her heart cracking in her voice. “I was singing that song for you.”

The house that usually provides him space and clarity makes him feel claustrophobic now. The blood pulsing in his ears disrupts any of his sanity left as he looks at her stunned into silence.

The tears that are resting unsteadily on his lower lids drop one by one, incapable of appearing stronger than he is. He feels dizzy by his surroundings and Gwen’s worried glance.

“Blake? ”

“I thought you changed your mind.” He breathes. “I thought you- “   


His voice is quiet and raspy but it’s all he can pull from his lungs. His breath shudders in his chest but he can’t get himself to finish his sentence.

“How could you think that?” She asks softly, tracing her thumb over his hand. “You knew how I felt about you.”

And then he remembers. “The things I said to you, I’m so sorry. I-” He chokes up again while flashes of him passing out on his  kitchen floor flood his memory and  the scared look in her eyes when he woke up  this morning. 

“Blake, you’re gonna be okay.”

The words ring hollow in his ears, repeating themselves over and over until he can no longer hear anything at all. He drank himself into oblivion, disappointed the people closest to him all because of his inability to see her love for him. He took his anger out on the bottle, on Gwen, and the reality of that finally sinks in. 

One moment he’s staring down at his floor and the next he’s falling to his knees right there in front of her. He lets out a scream that he’s sure had to have been heard outside but he doesn’t give a flying fuck as he can’t hold it in any more. He feels his chest heaving as he becomes breathless and the ceiling starts closing in on him. 

He’s had bad crashes after a relapse before , but this feels like a guttural heartbreak coming deep from his depths. He’s not only mourning the loss of another  failure; he’s mourning the loss of a relationship that never got to be.

He feels two small arms pulling him down until his head is laying on her lap and he didn’t even notice she’d crouched down beside him. Her soft shushing noises aren’t enough to stop his tears but they do bring back some air in his lungs. His hand wraps around her small knee as he tries to hold on to whatever piece of her he can find. He just needs to know she won’t drift away from him again. 

His stomach is clenching itself into painful knots but he bites back the feeling of nausea as he doesn’t want to move from his spot on her lap. Her hand is softly raking through his hair and massages at his scalp soothingly. She holds him almost maternally and he can’t help but cry harder at that. 

“You’re okay.” She whispers against his hair. “You’re okay.”

The lump in his throat tightens but he doesn’t want her to stop talking.

“I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” She repeats. “We’ll be okay.”   


His breathing comes in shallow pulls and he wipes a hand across his face to dry some tears. “I would understand if you wanted nothing to do with me after this.”

Her soft sigh breaks the quietness. 

“I would never want that.” She grips him tighter by instinct. “I just want you to feel like you can share things with me. I want to be there for you so you don’t have to do all of this alone anymore. I think I met you for a reason, Blake. We don’t know each other for that long but it feels like I’ve known you all my life. It feels good to be around you.”

Blake nods his head softly against her lap. “I feel that too.”

“Then will you please let me be there for you? I’m not asking you to be perfect, Blake. I’m asking you to  share your flaws with me and let me care for you  in spite of them.”

His face lines with pain at her soft and gentle request. He knows it’s gonna be hell on Earth trying to convince his heart that he deserves this woman caring for him so deeply, but he can’t imagine ever not trying , knowing what he knows now. 

“I will disappoint you.” He says weakly. “I don’t want to, but it’s what I do  Gwen. I want you to stick around I do, but I don’t want you to feel like you can save me.”

“It’s not about that.” She whispers. “You won’t disappoint me because I know who you are. I want all of you, not just the parts that are pretty and easy.”

All this time he’s been sure of her youthful and young outlook on certain things that she wouldn’t be ready for him, that his demons were too ugly for her angel like self to surround herself with, but with his heart spilling out on her lap on his floor, her maturity is his biggest comfort. 

“I  want to be around you too, Gwen.” He says softly.

His vision is still fuzzy but he feels himself coming to his senses slowly. Gwen is still rubbing slow circles on his back and slides a hand satisfyingly through his curls. 

“Can I stay here tonight?”

All he can do is nod.

“I’m not leaving you.”

They sit there in silence and he feels it all around his heart. That familiar feeling that he swore off after his divorce and usually tries to find at the bottom of a bottle. 

He finds his eyelids becoming heavy and his body getting tired, the obvious admission on the tip of his tongue.

He doesn’t say it out loud but when she presses a soft kiss right behind his ear, he thinks she heard him anyway.


	15. Chapter 15

He rinses out his coffee mug in the sink, his motions still a bit slower than usual. It  happens every time when he’s recovering from a binge, affecting the trajectory of his day tremendously. He’s tired of being home for the last few days, missing the familiar routine of working at Ole Red. 

Not being at his bar is torture.  He built the place from the ground up and the only reason he should ever _not_ be present is because he’s either sick out of his mind or physically out of town. Not because he’s recovering from a fucking relapse. 

He lays down on the couch to try and forget about his current situation when his friend calls. He groans and picks up with rightful reluctance. 

“You’ve called me six times in the last 24 hours, you realize that right?”

“Hello to you too.” Adam says, making the tall man chuckle just slightly.

“What’s up?”

“You still at home?”

Blake snorts. “Right where you want me to be. Adam, if you called to see if I was following the rules, I’m gonna hang up on you.”

“I called because I’m your best friend and I wanted to know how you’re doing.” It’s quiet for a few solid beats. “ Are you finally gonna tell me why you didn’t call me right after it happened?”

Blake scratches the back of his neck. “Really man?  _ That’s _ what you wanna talk about?”

“I had to hear it two days after it happened. For someone who’s known you for ten years and been around for some of your darkest moments, I’d say that’s pretty shitty.”

“Shit Adam, I didn’t really….” Blake closes his eyes and sighs. “I didn’t want to bother anyone but someone at the bar saw me leave with a bottle and called Jake. He and Gwen showed up and I just forgot. It’s not like I was in my right mind exactly...” 

“Gwen?” Adam asks. 

In his spur of the moment spill, he completely forgot about his discretion. Adam had known of Gwen generally but hadn’t been aware of the two getting significantly closer. 

  
“You’re talking about the girl that performs at your bar?” His friend continues to press. 

“Yeah, that’s her.” Blake swallows roughly. “Jake thought it would be good to bring her.”

“Why?”

Blake’s hands get clammy quickly and he dries them off by rubbing at his jeans. 

“We’ve been hanging out some.” God, he can’t remember the last time he’s been this nervous. “Turns out we have quite some things in common and she’s just a real nice girl.”

“Are you sleeping with her?”

Blake nearly chokes on air.

“The fuck Adam?”

“I know you. I know how you try to get lost in something, whether that’s booze or girls.”

“You’re making it sound like I’ve been whoring myself out my whole life. I settled down right after high school and literally just became a single man.” 

“You used that marriage to get lost, just like you use your alcohol. The only difference is you can always fall back on the latter. Your ex-wife never extended you the same courtesy.”

Blake’s glad he’s having this conversation over the phone, as he’s sure he would’ve tried to strangle his friend if he had been here. 

“ You’re _this_ close to me hanging up on ya. I’m serious.”

“I don’t want to fight with you, Blake.” Adam sighs deeply. “I’m just trying to keep you from doing anything else stupid.”

“It’s not like that with Gwen.” He feels himself calm down a little as he thinks of the pretty blonde. “She’s not a distraction or something for me to escape in. She’s giving me something I haven’t felt in a long time.”

“This is a horrible time for you to start anything serious.” Adam continues. 

“I know that too. Jesus Adam, can you please just be supportive of this? I can’t deal with this right now. I get that you’re worried but I’m not gonna drop her because you can’t get with it. I also don’t appreciate you painting her out to be some random bed warmer. I like her.”

Blake swallows hard, feeling dizzy. He hadn’t talked about Gwen to anyone close to him yet, being scared of jumping the gun. But all his secrets were now coming to light. 

“How did she react to finding you…” Adam trails off and Blake’s glad.

“She was terrified.” Blake answers.

“Kinda unsurprising.”

“Yeah.” Blake nods. “She’s supportive though. I’m telling you man, she’s different. I’ve never had anyone  _ get _ me the way she does.”

“I know I’m on your case a lot and I hope you realize it’s only because I care about you.” Adam says slowly. “But if you’re happy with her, I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“So when am I meeting her?”

Blake chuckles sarcastically. “Not anytime soon, I hope.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that she and I have enough to deal with and figure out without your prying presence.”

“I don’t pry!” Blake can’t help but laugh at the way his friend sounds absolutely insulted.

“You literally  chased my date away with your questions, right after my divorce.”

“She owned a studio for high intensity _dog_ _yoga_ classes.”

Blake snorts. “We’re in LA, buddy. You gotta open your mind up a little.”

“There are limits to my  acceptance.”

Feeling another yawn tear at his jaw, he closes his eyes and gives into the quick warning of his body that tells him he’s in need of some rest. 

“Man, I’m dead tired. Can I call you back tomorrow?”

He is glad to have talked to his friend, even when the conversation wasn’t at all times comfortable. It was a good feeling to know there were a bunch of people in his life that still had his back.

“Sure. I’m free of work for a few days next week, I can swing by and we can grab a cup of coffee or something. You can tell me more about that new lady of yours.”

Blake huffs. “Oh, how exciting.”

“Don’t be a dickhead.” Adam teases. “Knowing the romantic you are? You’re jumping at the chance to ramble on about her.”

Blake closes his eyes with a smile. “Can I go to sleep now?”

“See ya when I see ya.”   


“Bye man.” He feels undeniably lighter after hanging up the phone.  Sleep comes quite easy for the first time in a long time. So much even that he sleeps all through the rest of the day.

* * *

_I’m outside_.

Blake just stares it confused,  convinced that he’s dreaming. 

It’s 2:30 in the morning and he  just woke up . He thought about texting her but he didn’t want to be a bother, especially since he already took up so much of her time when she was taking care of him after his incident. It’s like his body is still getting used to being sober again and is rebelling against the sudden rest it’s getting. 

He hasn’t seen her in a few days and part of him was hoping he could still convince himself to change his mind. Love is a marvellous but treacherous thing; he’s learned this the hard way. It can give you everything but also take it away in an instant. Seeing how he tends to deal with disappointments, he’s not fully convinced he could survive her leaving. 

He pads as slowly as he can towards his front door, phone clutched tightly in his left hand. He has no idea why she decided to show up at this time a night, but he’s not about to leave her standing on his porch. 

She looks sweet as ever when he flicks open his front door.  He watches as her light hair tussles back and forth in the night air, as she’s otherworldly and breathtakingly beautiful. 

“Hi.” She greets him sheepishly. “I’m sorry for showing up like this. I couldn’t sleep and I hadn’t seen you in a few days. I thought I’d check up on you.”

Blake notices the rosy blush on her cheek and neck even in the darkness outside. Her brown eyes shine with comfort and it hurts almost as much as it does him good. 

“At 2:30 am?” He asks with a grin. “Are you sure you’re not here for a booty call?”

“I’m sure, even though…” She rubs her nose with her small hand and looks at him a tad embarrassed.

“Gwen, you’re scaring me.” He admits.

She shakes her head quickly. 

“No, please don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not here because of anything bad.” She states frantically, taking a deep breath. “I just…I wanted to ask if it’s okay to…. well, I want to sleep with you.”

Blake blinks at the implication. 

“I thought you said you weren’t here for that?”

“ I don’t mean have sex.  I can’t sleep and I keep thinking about that night. I was working at the bar tonight and I couldn’t stop thinking about you and what you were doing. I just think I’d sleep better if I were next to you right now.”

Blake can’t even process all the love he feels raging through him as she stands so vulnerably before him. His voice proves to be clogged when he finally speaks up. 

“Get in here.” He says softly, taking her hand and leading her into the house. He closes the door behind her and pulls her in for a hug. Her hair smells like the fruity shampoo he’s gotten to love over the weeks and he inhales deeply. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

“It’s okay.” She mumbles against his chest. 

She looks up at him through her lashes and he’s hit with the deep lines underneath her eyes and tired expression. He tugs at her hand and leads her up the stairs. 

“You want one of my shirts?”

She nods and wraps her arms around her chest when stepping into his bedroom. 

“Yes, please.” 

A soft smile tugs at the corner of his lips as he searches his closet for a shirt that would semi-fit her. His dimples pop when he hands her an old college t-shirt and she studies it with great admiration. She’s promptly taking off her clothes in the middle of his room and if he hadn’t been aware of her great exhaustion, he probably would’ve acted on that.

In nothing but his shirt and her panties, she bites her lip at the edge of the bed. He chuckles when he realizes she’s waiting for him to pull the duvet back and watches as she settles into his bed. 

It’s crazy how for years Blake had felt like he was being dragged around in the endless spin of the Earth around its orbit, while everything he wanted got further and further out of reach. But lying next to Gwen right now makes him feel like he can finally relax and fill up those empty holes the world had left behind. 

He turns to his side and touches his fingertips to her chin. He shudders when she looks up at him and bites her lip.

“This better?” He asks. 

“Much.” She holds his gaze with as much vigor as him. “I’m sorry for just barging in here and making my problem yours. I just missed you.”

His fingers start caressing her cheek as he watches her shut her eyes against his touch.

“You’re not making anything my problem.” He insists. “You went through a scary thing because of me, I know that. I wanna do whatever I can to make it better.”

Gwen bites her lip again, only this time she looks close to tears. The conversation coupled with the look in her eyes jars him all the way down in his bones. 

“I know you do.” She states, tears falling now. “I just don’t want you to feel guilty and I know that you do. I just never had this type of connection with anyone before and it hurts me to know you were struggling and I had no idea. When Jake called me and we found you passed out on the floor, I thought we’d lost you. We could’ve lost you and it would’ve been my fault.”

“Gwen, what are you – “ 

“It was _my_ song that pushed you over the edge.” She cries. “I’m the reason you felt like giving up.”

“Baby…” He croaks while cupping her cheeks, his thumbs gathering the tears that are falling from her eyes. “Please listen to me. I fucked up real bad and I hurt you in the process. But what I did had _nothing_ to do with you. If I were sane, I would’ve waited for you to come off that stage to talk to you about what I thought I saw, but I reached for a bottle instead. You didn’t make me do that Gwen. My addiction did. Sweetheart, I will have to live with the fact that you saw me like that, and I will. But I can’t live with you thinking  you carry  any responsibility for that night whatsoever.”

There’s a small whimper coming from the back of her throat and it traps his heart like a vice.

“I was so scared…” She whispers, gripping his wrist tightly.

Blake kisses the tip of her nose and her protective armour crumbles like a row of dominos. She snuggles into his chest and tucks her head under his chin. Her rushed breathing hits the older man’s neck while her hands grasp at his shirt. 

“I know you were.” Blake whispers, holding her close. “Just relax baby. We’re okay, you’re okay.”

His big palms slot on her back as if they belong there. Gwen’s body fitting in his embrace like she was made for it.

“I’m so tired.” She says softly against his neck. 

“Then go to sleep. I got you now.”

She nuzzles his neck once more before he feels her completely relaxing against him. 

She finally loses the battle against her fatigue a few minutes later and Blake breathes softly. She feels like coming home. 


	16. Chapter 16

Gwen had thought about what it would be like to wake up in a bed with him, but never actually figured it would happen anytime soon. She  told herself she would give him all the space necessary after finding out about his addiction, but she just couldn’t ignore the gnarling guilt and sadness from creeping into her body. She was relieved to find out Blake was ready to handle her emotional outburst with patience and understanding and she found sleep to come rather easily after she climbed in bed with him. 

As she glances over at the bedside clock, she realizes she didn’t suddenly wake up and was woken by the pestering alarm of her phone. Her mind adjusted to waking up in his room and it takes her a while to pry herself out of his bed and his arms. Somehow he slept through the wailing of her phone and continues to hold on to his pillow now she snuck out of his embrace. It’s an endearing sight to see the tall man so peacefully asleep and holding on to what he thinks is her. 

She smiles to herself as she throws her legs over the side of the bed, sinking her toes into the carpet and walking towards the window. The sun is just setting through the trees now and it dawns on her what kind of nice view he has. Much better than the crappy apartment she lives in though she won’t complain. 

It takes her a while to get familiarized with his bathroom as she gets dressed and ready, slipping into her jeans and t-shirt quietly. She desperately wants to say goodbye to Blake, but he looks too deep in slumber for her to rouse him out of it. She reaches for a singular piece of paper on his desk and scrambles a quick message on it. As she goes to leave it on the nightstand, he turns and groans but nevertheless doesn’t wake up. She can’t help herself as she lowers herself down enough to press a soft kiss on his lips, just because she can. 

He will call her when he wakes up, of that she’s sure now. It had taken great trust for her to be as transparent with him as she had been last night and she felt confident about having reached a personal milestone in their relationship. Even though they’ve agreed on not calling it that. 

_ I couldn’t bear to wake you up while you were so adorably hogging the pillow. Thanks for last night. Call me when you wake up. _

  
  


Not too clingy and straight to the point was what she was going for. She knows he’s dealing with more feelings than any human being would be comfortable with and the last thing she wants to do is crowd him and make him feel trapped. She wanted him in more ways than she ever knew she could want a person, but she wanted him to come to her because he was ready. Not because he felt like he owed it to her. 

Slipping out of his large apartment pained her but filled her with a deep sense of belonging too. She hadn’t stayed the night at anyone’s place but her own ever since her and Tony broke up. Even then, most of their relationship had played out in her apartment. She can’t remember the last time she felt this giddy while leaving her lovers place. And that’s saying something because her and Blake technically hadn’t even had sex yet. 

It was another thing that was different about him. He wanted to take his time with her, even when it was obvious he wanted her. There was a slight tinge of worry that filled her at the thought of him thinking she wasn’t ready. What if she was just too clueless, too inexperienced? What if taking it slow with her wasn’t something he did because he was patient, but rather something he did because she didn’t seem capable. She doesn’t know much about his previous relationship and everytime she asks, he shuts it down after the bare minimum of exchanging information. From  what she’s experienced with him though, he knows his way around the bedroom and seemed to miss that the most whenever he did talk about his ex. She didn’t know if their relationship was just so bad, sex was the only thing they had left. Or if he harbours some intense fantasy about his ex-wife coming back and she was just merely something to pass the time. 

No, that couldn’t be it. He wouldn’t have held her the way he did last night. With so much care and tenderness. He wouldn’t do that to her. Her trust issues seem to be in full effect as she makes her way to her own place but she won’t let them win. She and Blake have built something beautiful, something special. He confided in her and completely broke down. She was able to do the same last night. She just has to trust in the strength of that connection.

The day went by fairly slowly and by the time 8 o’clock came around, she was back on bar duty. She couldn’t wait for Blake to come back to work but she was also nervous about his inevitable return. How smart was it for a recovering alcoholic to work in a bar, surrounded by booze? She knew this place was his heart and soul, his great life’s work, but she couldn’t help but feel a little suffocated at the thought of Blake coming back here.

She pushes all of that out of her mind as she forces a wide smile on her face and gives the people the best service she can possibly provide them. The opportunity to work here had seriously saved her ass, making it much less stressful whenever the monthly bills come in. That coupled with the performances she still gave twice a week was especially nice. Tony visibly felt a bit better about performing here whenever the handsome Oklahoman wasn’t around and as much as she missed Blake, it was good for their set. Tony was on time and seemed more eager to be his best self. As childish as it was, Gwen learned to count her blessings.

Gwen dries her hands on the towel she got from underneath the bar top when a luminous figure casts a shadow in front of her. She looks up to find a stunning looking blonde standing there, her frame rather short but her physique somehow makes up for it. She looks at Gwen questionably before straightening her back and tapping the counter. 

“One Whiskey Sour please.”

Gwen swallows roughly. Her accent sounds almost authentic to Blake’s and the way she carries herself reminds her of his confidence. 

“Coming right up.” Gwen redeems herself, smiling brightly. 

She’s about to turn around when the female voice stops her in her tracks again. 

“Is Blake working tonight?”

Her suspicions are confirmed; the lady knows about Blake.  Gwen still isn’t trained on all the drinks or how to make them and even though she gets better and quicker every day, it still takes her a minute to slide the glass smoothly down to the lady. 

“Sorry, Blake isn’t working right now.” 

“Do you know when he’ll be back here?” The woman asks. 

Gwen bites her lip, not knowing the extent of their relationship and how much she should share. It’s clear that they’re not friendly enough for her to know about Blake’s situation and Gwen deep down has no clue  _ when _ Blake will be back to work. 

“I’m not sure. He’s currently taking a few personal days.” 

The woman eyes her intensely and Gwen feels beats of sweat form on the back of her neck. 

“Did he fall off the wagon?”

The woman presents the question as if she just asked about the weather prediction for tomorrow and Gwen’s breath staggers in her throat. This woman is someone who knows Blake intimately enough to know about his problems and Gwen’s chest tightens at the possibilities of who this could be.

She stands nailed to the spot. 

“Who are you?”

The woman smiles pained. “I’m Miranda. His ex-wife.”

Hearing the words almost feels like an out of body experience. Gwen can feel the anxiety radiating off her in waves at being face to face with the only woman who’s ever rendered Blake to nothingness. This was the woman who brought love, lust, sadness and betrayal to his life so fiercely, he didn’t think he’d ever come back from it. 

Looking at the woman now, she can see why Blake would be drawn to her type. She looks tough enough to confront her ex-husband’s new lover and looks confident enough to shut this whole place down. Gwen feels like a little kid standing in front of her and that makes her incredibly uneasy. 

“Like I said…” Gwen clears her throat. “Blake isn’t here. I don’t know when he will be.” 

His ex-wife nods. 

“He still lives  on  Harvard Street ?”

Her brown eyes fill with worry. She doesn’t want this woman to visit Blake at his home. And she wishes she didn’t feel so damn selfish about it. 

“I don’t know if he’s up for company right now.” Gwen says startled. “Can I give him a message for you?”

The words are out of her mouth so fast, she didn’t even think of the repercussions. She should not be telling his ex-wife that she will take a message for her and she shouldn’t be making decisions in Blake’s name either. 

Miranda laughs quietly. 

“No, that’s alright. What’s your name?”

Gwen swallows. 

“Gwen.”

“Well Gwen, it was nice to meet you.” The slightly older woman throws back the last of her drink and slams it back on the counter with vigor. “Some words of advice, don’t chase him.  The more you try, the harder he runs. ” 

  
Her throat feels like it’s filled with razors and every intake of breath hurts. Gwen isn’t nearly as sophisticated as the woman standing before her, but she wants to be. 

She shouldn’t believe a word that’s coming out of his ex-wife’s mouth. They’re exes for a reason and the way Blake described the marriage made it seem pretty miserable. 

Then again, Miranda had said not to push too hard. Gwen had left a note earlier this morning telling Blake to call her, which he did not do. 

In her silent musings, Gwen hadn’t noticed his ex-wife digging around in her purse and slamming two dollar bills on the counter. 

Her smile is kind. “Keep the change.”

She watches as Miranda turns on her heels and heads for the exit. Gwen feels stuck between a rock and a hard place, unsure of where to go from here, but knowing she needs to thread carefully. Blake would be super disappointed if he could look inside her head right now, but her heart is a tender place and had seen many more heartbreaks than Blake was aware of. There’s only so much she can take. She wants Blake so much it’s almost criminal, but she needs to know what she’s up against. Her own fears overtake the rational side of her brain and before she knows what’s happening, she’s chasing after the woman who destroyed his heart and balances hers on a tight rope.

“Miranda!” Gwen says fluttered, slightly out of breath. 

The woman turns around as if she expected nothing less. 

“Yes?”   


“Is it possible….” She shakes her head, trying again. “Do you have time to, uh, can we talk?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh..


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of you have been asking for longer chapters so here it is!

She can’t believe the woman actually waited for her shift to end.  It feels strange to clock out, pull her hair out of her ponytail and walk towards the vacant table in the back. Gwen rakes her hand through her hair and lets the strands of blonde fall around her head messily. 

Miranda is nursing another drink she got herself and Gwen thinks over her options. She knows nothing good could come from this but her curiosity is greater than anything she’s felt in a while. There’s so much she doesn’t know about him yet and so much Blake isn’t comfortable with sharing. It feels like a breach in trust to talk to his ex-wife without him knowing, but she also knows she can’t push Blake right now. Asking him for information he’s not ready to give up yet will destroy him. 

Her mind is made up. 

She approaches Miranda’s table slowly and curves her lips up into a timid smile. 

“Right on time.” The woman says. “Come. Sit.”

She shuffles on the spot before nodding. Sitting down in front of his ex-wife makes her feel insignificantly transparent and immature. She can only hope Miranda doesn’t see the anxiety in her eyes or hears the strain in her voice. Damnit, the way her heart hammers at this woman’s presence makes her feel close to adolescent. Like meeting with the high school cheerleader and hoping you won’t get picked on.

“Thanks for taking the time to talk to me.” 

Miranda smiles. “I’m surprised you asked.”

Gwen draws in a breath and eyes the confident woman. 

“ I’m surprised you showed up here in the first place. Blake has told me a little bit about you, why would you come back for him now?” 

Her voice cuts through the chatty bar and she winces at the sound of it. She doesn’t know where the sudden courage to ask that came from. 

Gwen’s surprised to hear a soft and breathy laugh coming from the other woman. 

“ How long have you been dating him?”

Her eyes lock with his ex-wife as she ponders over the relevance or correlation of that question. “We’re not.”

“Does his alcoholism scare you?”

Every single word that comes out of this woman’s mouth is sharp enough to cut Gwen to pieces and she feels her resolve slipping with the minute. Perhaps setting up a conversation with Miranda truly was the worst decision she could’ve made.

“I don’t see how – “ 

“How that’s relevant?” The woman cuts her off. “How that’s any of my business? Let me just make one thing clear. I’m not here to be interrogated by you or let me get ripped a new one by a girl  who’s what,  _ twenty-one, twenty-two _ years old? I’ll share information with you because that’s exactly the kind of courtesy I would want someone to extend me. Just don’t bullshit me. Let’s spend our time wisely, what do you say?”

Gwen swallows roughly, her hands going white with the pressure of her nails digging into her skin. 

“You haven’t answered my question yet. Shouldn’t this work two ways?”

Miranda nods. “That’s fair. You wanna know why I came back?”

Gwen nods.

“Because he asked me to.”

Gwen feels the words like a punch to the throat, knocking the breath out of her. Her mind swims with possible explanations, but none of them make her feel any better. She’s confused and scared, her mind a jumbled mess.   


Was she not enough for him? He said he needed support, but maybe he never meant _hers_.

Gwen shudders. “I don’t believe that.”

“Are you sure you’re not dating him, sweetheart?” The woman smiles. “The truth is, Blake is a fickle person. He might appear all tough on the exterior, but he’s just as confused and lost as the rest of us. Perhaps more. It takes a special type of person to know how to handle that.”

“Someone like you.” Gwen guesses sceptically. 

“Oh no, not me.” Miranda says, surprising Gwen. “We didn’t work out for a reason. We both made mistakes but Blake couldn’t get past them. He’s always getting stuck in the things that went wrong, seeking some absolution from all of it in the bottle instead of turning to a human. Not many can compete with his love for a drink.” 

Gwen observes how Miranda  bites the inside of her cheek, her eyes resolute in staring her down. It’s as if she wants to miss nothing about Gwen’s facial expressions and it has her tense and wired.

“If he asked you to come back, why didn’t he tell you to meet him at his home? Why are you here tonight ?”

“He asked me when we were still married.” Miranda clarifies. “He was always going off the deep end in one way or the other. He feels like I betrayed him, which in the technical sense I did. But when we reconciled, he  begged me not to leave him alone. Have you ever had a man _beg_ you for anything, Gwen?”

Gwen’s eyes fill with tears but her heart feels something else. 

“I wanna look out for his best interests. I don’t think that you showing up here is gonna do him much good. He needs to feel in control right now.”

“Blake is never in control.”

“Stop talking about him like you still know him.” Gwen snaps,  her  heart stuttering in her chest.

Miranda looks at her with a pitiful glance.

“I admire your determination and loyalty, Gwen. But I _do_ know him. It might’ve been a while since we last spoke but I know what he needs.”

“I don’t think you do.” 

“He needs more, sweetheart.” Gwen’s chest fills with rage every time the woman regards to her with a pet name. “He always wants more. That’s what he wants right now, it’s what he’s going to want tomorrow, next week, in thirty years, always.”

Gwen shakes her head. “I made a mistake talking to you. It’s clear you’re here to paint him in a bad light and I should not have given you the opportunity.” 

She makes a move to stand when Miranda delivers the words that make her sit back down.

“I cheated on him. Many times. I couldn’t handle coming second to the bottle so I decided to feel prioritized by someone else. That’s why he divorced me.”

The younger girl swallows harshly. “He said vows were broken.” 

“He was right. I made some bad decisions.” The woman mutters. “ But I also brushed his teeth when he was too limp to do so and his breath reeked with alcohol and puke. I also fought like hell to get him to the hospital when he slipped during one of his drunken nights and cut himself on a broken bottle on the floor. I washed his hair when he fell asleep in his own sick and forgave him when he punched my brother in a drunken rage.”

Gwen could only dream about being drunk right now. Her heart aches painfully in her chest. 

“He has a problem.” Gwen whispers, sounding awfully bleak in his defence.

“He does.”   


Gwen has only ever been in a relationship with Tony before. It was bad most times but she never found herself aching for him in the way she suspected Miranda and Blake did for each other. She wants desperately to be selfish and keep him to herself, but she’s not sure of anything anymore. Perhaps trying to be enough for Blake will only result in disappointment. 

“He still lives on Harvard Street.” Gwen whispers faintly. 

Miranda’s eyes glisten in recognition and then she surprises her again. 

“I changed my mind.” The woman speaks. “I think you’re right about my presence not being a good thing for him right now. I know you’ll take care of him the best you can.”

Gwen closes her eyes before opening them again. 

“I don’t understand, you came back because – “ 

“I came back because I wanted to see how he was doing. I got my answer.”

Gwen huffs. 

Miranda continues. “You can’t blame yourself, Gwen. And you can’t push. I know you don’t want to hear it from me, but I beg you to listen. Do it for yourself.”

It’s the first time she feels a genuine warmth from the woman. Miranda stands up and smiles down at her gently. “Take care Gwen.”

Gwen studies the woman for a moment before she walks off. Leaving Gwen feeling hopeless and deflated.

* * *

His hand covers hers softly while stroking the skin on her pinky. She lets out a sigh that comes deep from her gut and closes her eyes. This is what she fought to have with Tony. That connection that goes so well beyond the physical.  Only tonight she can’t quite enjoy it.

She’s back at his place for a second night and even though she is serious about giving him the space he needs, she can’t say no to his invitations. She doesn’t think she has to, as long as he is the one initiating the contact. She knows these are trying times and she needs to be patient with him. 

Blake pulls her closer to him on the couch, kissing her temple. It’s a completely selfless and intimate act and it’s one she didn’t expect from him right now. She takes a deep breath and forces a smile on her face. 

He forces her head up with two fingers on her chin. “You alright, sweetheart?”

Gwen tenses. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Please don’t lie to me.”   


Blake’s prickly voice startles her. He’s still on edge and that’s why the thought of telling him about her encounter with his ex-wife yesterday ranks very low on the list of things she wants to do.

“Okay, I’m not.” She relents. “I would really appreciate it if you could let it go.”

“Let what go?” He asks. “Gwen, you’re upset. You can’t ask me to disregard that.”

“I can and I will.”

Gwen looks right at his confused and shocked face. His features harden and she can tell he’s unwilling to grant her request.

“What’s going on? Did something happen at the bar?” 

She bites her lip and hopes he can’t see the blood leave her head, paling. 

“Gwen?” He pushes. “If something is wrong there you gotta tell me. That place is my responsibility, if anything isn’t going right I should be there to fix it.”

“It’s nothing like that.” She whispers.

“Than what? God damn it Gwen...”

Gwen pulls herself out of his grasp and off of the couch. Her fingers are wiping at the moisture beneath her eyes as tears start to unexpectedly fall down her cheeks. 

Blake rises on his feet only a few seconds later, a look of worry displayed on his face. She never wants to see those gorgeous blue eyes blurry with fear.

“I need you to promise you won’t get mad.” Gwen says softly, gnawing at the inside of her cheek. 

“Gwen, what- “

“ _Promise me.”_

She can’t breathe as she can’t remember the last time she’s been this afraid. Less than a week ago she found him passed out on the floor, drunk. He’s more fragile than he’s ever been and she cannot risk another relapse. She wants so badly to keep him strong, the thought of disrupting some of his newfound peace rips her to absolute shreds.

“I promise. Baby, talk to me.”

Blake’s sweet voice brings her back to Earth.

“Your ex-wife…” Gwen begins. 

Blake’s face turns sour. “What about her?”

“She came by the bar last night.”

His eyebrow shoots up violently and she can see the vein in his neck starting to throb. He’s either furious she showed up or furious he missed it, either way it doesn’t look promising. 

“What the hell was she doing there?”

She bites her lip. “She was looking for you. I told her you were taking some personal days and…we ended up talking for a bit.”

He heaves a heavy breath and turns away from her. He looks skyward and says nothing and she feels all the hope drain out of her body. 

“Blake?”   


“She had no right to talk to you.” Blake says sternly. “No fucking right at all. I’m sorry.”

She licks her lips and exhales deeply. 

“I was the one who asked if she had some time to talk. She was about to leave when she realized you weren’t there.” She inhales to brace herself. “It was _me_ who pushed for that conversation to happen.”

He turns back to face her and clenches his jaw. She can tell he feels sick by the new information and she wishes she could disregard his anger and slide her hands up his chest in assurance. It’s something she’s currently very low on though.

“Why?”

“Because you told me so very little about her. I just wanted to know more about you, Blake.”

“You could’ve asked me.” He hisses.

“I know you’re not currently in the right mindset to discuss it and I thought it would  make me understand you better.”

Blake shakes his head, scoffing.

“Unbelievable.”

Her heart drops at the way he curls up his fingers into tight fists. He’s harboring so much, bottling it all up and she knows that eventually he’s going to explode. She opens her mouth but before she can speak he’s cutting her off.

“You begged me to trust you. You told me I needed to confide in you and I _did_. I’m letting you in, trying my damn hardest not to shut you out and what do  _ you _ do?”

“I think she really cares about you, Blake.”

He takes a step towards her, the storm brewing in his eyes knocking the wind out of her. 

“You know absolutely nothing, Gwen. Whatever she told you, it doesn’t matter. You don’t know anything.”

  
  
“What are you talking about?” She breathes.

“ _ Fuck _ .” He curses, wiping a rough hand over his face. “I trusted you Gwen. I thought this communication thing was supposed to work two-ways?”

Gwen gulps. 

“I asked you to call me and you didn’t. You basically ignored me all day yesterday.”

Blake scoffs. “I needed to be alone for a while. That doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to conspire with my ex behind my back.”

“You make it seem like I planned this.” Gwen cries. “She just showed up.”

“Why did you do it?” He asks pointedly, staring at her hard. “Why the fuck did you feel the need to talk to her so much, huh?”

“I wanted to know what she did that broke your heart. I wanted to know what made you feel so broken you felt like nothing you did could ever be good enough. That’s what you told me when we first started hanging out. I just wanted to see for myself what kind of person she was.” Gwen breathes loudly and whisks another tear away with her index finger. “I just wanted to understand you better, Blake. To help you.”

“That’s the problem with you, Gwen.” Blake murmurs. “You feel like you need to  help me. I don’t need your damn help.”

“I think you do.”

She follows his gaze even when it’s intimidating and watches him stiffen. 

He cracks a bitter smile. 

“Did she tell you about how much _she_ helped me?” He asks, stepping even closer and giving Gwen very little space to breathe. “Because I bet she did. I can’t lie, she was there to witness a lot of bullshit Gwen. I did a lot of things wrong and made a mess of myself countless of times. Those stories must’ve really got you good.”

Gwen can barely stand up straight anymore, his words firing hotly through her heart. 

“What- “

“It’s your sweet spot, Gwen. Anyone with eyes can see that.” He continues. “She figured out what your weakness was and played into it like a pro.”

“That’s not true.” She breathes shallowly.

“Oh, it’s true alright.” Blake pushes firmly, shaking his head at her again. “She told you everything that would make you fall for her and left everything out that would’ve made you get up and run.”

Gwen swallows loudly.

“Why don’t you tell me the real story then?” Her eyes are heavy with tears.

“I don’t….” His voice is low, like coarse-grade sandpaper. He shakes his head and lets out a frustrated grunt. His chest heaves with every painful breath he takes and Gwen wishes she had the answers to make him feel better about whatever it was he kept so violently inside. “I can’t do this.”

Her eyes widen as he steps away from her and slams his hand on the wall behind him. By the time she convinces her body to move, Blake is already stepping outside. 

She heads out to follow him, knowing this is something she can no longer ignore. She needs to full story. Not only to give her some peace of mind, but to desperately restore his.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is heavy and deals with sensitive subject matters. I think it’s crucial to understand Blake’s headspace. With that said, this is my mild trigger warning.

His muscular back stares her in the face as he re mains turned away from her. His fingers itch against the side of his jeans  as if he flexes them to hold a glass later. She feels bad for him but she won’t l et him off the hook so easily. F ear will do her no favors in this situation. Even with frustration boiling at her surface, she’s still filled with the utmost compassion for the bar owner. 

“I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.” She says, standing next to him while overlooking his humble patio.

They lock eyes for a split second and something flickers within her.

“You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into with me.” He chuckles bitterly.

“Stop saying that and just tell me what’s going on.” 

Her heart thuds in her chest.

“I can’t believe you asked to talk to her.” He muses, shaking his head. “After all I told you, after that night we had. I thought you trusted me.”

“I know I should’ve talked to you about it, but it all happened so fast. I didn’t talk to her because I didn’t trust you. I just wanted to know more about your story.”

He clears his throat. “You ever stopped to think that maybe there was a reason I didn’t share that part of my story with you?”

He calls her out with fiery eyes. A look she has difficulty with understanding.

“ Why do you feel like you have to deal with everything alone, Blake? Why can’t you just accept my help and share some of those burdens with me?”

“Because dealing with it by myself has proven to work best.”

Gwen purses her lips and scoffs. “Is that why you drink yourself into oblivion?”

He faces her and she feels unprepared for what he’s about to say. It’s the second time she’s called him out today and both times had filled her with uncertainty and fear. But she’ll take any reaction over none. 

“You should  _ not _ have talked to her.” 

“She didn’t say anything horrible about you, Blake.” Gwen says softly, unsurely. “She was actually quite nice, she admitted she did wrong too.”

Blake chuckles. “Right.”

“She just told me she took care of you a lot after you’d drink too much and she wished you would’ve showed her a bit more forgiveness after she stepped out on you. She thought it would be something you could get over eventually because of what you two had.”

He’s looking at her strangely and maybe it’s the exhaustion or the fear still coursing through her body but she doesn’t think too much about it. She steps forward and feels his sharp intake of breath as she pulls him  in for a hug. She wraps both arms around him, tugging his chest against hers.

She doesn’t know why she’s doing it but he embraces her back, a hand coming up and pressing between her shoulder blades. He’s holding her while her face sinks into the juncture of his chest. He feels warm, a sheen of sweat lining his hairline. 

“That’s what she told you?” He whispers, his breath hitting her neck as he speaks.

She nods against him. “Could be worse, right?”

She feels the stutter of his body. 

“It’s not the truth. At least not the full one.”

His voice cracks slightly as he tries to bite back the emotion. She registers the change in him immediately and starts to pull back slowly.

“What’s the truth then?” She whispers.

This is the moment she’s been waiting for .  It’s the reason she pushed and  why she followed him out here. She wonders if he’s finally about to let her in. 

Distant sounds from the road filter through the air as she stands waiting. 

“ She cheated on me with someone she met in one of her AA-meetings. ” He  breathes out heavily . “ Yeah Gwen, I wasn’t the only alcoholic in that relationship.”

Gwen pushes herself further out their embrace and looks up at him stunned.

“Misery loves company, right?  “He huffs. “ We had a toxic relationship that turned both of us to the bottle even more .  We sobered up for a while and…she got pregnant. I didn’t know if it was mine or the other guy’s, but after doing a test it turned out I was the father. That’s when I swore all that stuff off forever. I wanted to set an example for my kid and I knew it was time to grow up. I forgave her for stepping out on me because our child deserved to be born into a loving and complete  home .”

Gwen can’t move and just watches Blake pour his heart out to her.

“I thought it would work. We were both sobering up and I felt like we were on the right track but she never stopped, Gwen. I thought she did but she just couldn’t do it. And we alcoholics, after a while, we get great at hiding it.”

Her eyes widen when the heartbreaking news spreads through her limbs like a disease.

“ She was already seven months along when I found a bunch of empty bottles in the trash outside that she had forgotten to get rid of. I confronted her and she just broke down, telling me how sorry she was and how the stress of the pregnancy drove her to drink. I took her to the obstetrician who referred her to the millionth health care professional, but at the end it was too late. She went into labour two months later and had a stillbirth.  The doctors couldn’t resuscitate her, said  the alcohol caused a lack of nutrients to enter Miranda’s body and caused complications with the placenta. My daughter died before she was even born.””

Emotion begins to rapidly pour out of her, silently spilling down her cheeks. She won’t break  in front of him, knowing he needs her. But she will let herself have this moment, silent tears lining her face like streaks of rain after a paralysing drought.

No part of her wants to believe this  is his reality. 

“I held her hand through the entire delivery, knowing what she had done. I knew she needed someone to get her through this no matter how much I despised her. I was sober for the entire pregnancy, thinking it would motivate her to do the same. I tried, I tried so fucking hard Gwen.”

Looking at Blake’s face she can tell he’s remembering every little detail of that horrifying moment and she finally understands why she could quite possibly not be enough for him. Who _could_ , after what he had gone through?

She sat in front of the woman for almost an hour, listening to her talk about how she saved Blake from his demons but at the end fell short,  and Gwen  not once  questioned the truth of her words. 

“ We left the hospital and I slept on the couch for weeks. I felt horrible everytime I had to look at her, but somehow I felt even worse about the thought of leaving her. It wasn’t even a month after we lost her she started to black out while drinking again and I found myself almost wanting to…I could’ve hurt her everytime I saw her put that fucking bottle to her lips. I knew I needed to leave. That’s when I filed for divorce and she moved back in with her brother back in  Texas .”

She tries to will the tears back down but they’re only escalating. “I’m so sorry.” 

“You see why I didn’t want to share that with you?” He asks softly. “I come with a shitload of baggage that I can’t just shake off. It’s not fair of me to ask you to deal with all that.”

His eyes start to water as the residual anger and sadness seem to take a hold of him. He presses his eyes closed and she watches a stray tear seep into the material of his t-shirt, splaying outwards like an ink stain. 

She waits a few beats and drags her hands slowly down his muscular arms. He sinks his fingers into her waist and bends down to kiss her forehead. 

No one is pulling the other closer. They just lightly hold each other.

“I told you I wasn’t going anywhere.” Gwen says. “I’m not changing my mind.”

His finger brushes her cheek. “Why are you so damn stubborn?”

“I’m stubborn for not giving up on someone I love?”

He looks absolutely perfect while internalizing what she just said. His thumb presses intimately into the sensitive spot beneath her neck, causing ripples of relief to run down her spine.

“You love me?”

She squints her eyes. “Do you mind?”

When her eyes look back up at his she can see he’s giving her a look, helpless desire intermingled with grief. He shakes his head and moves forward to trail his lips down her jaw until he’s nipping and sucking at her skin. Her feminine scent teasing his lips while he’s consuming her.

She grasps his arms when his head lowers to right above her cleavage and presses kisses there firmly. She tries not to groan when he gives her the answer she’s been hoping for while completely abandoning all verbal clues. 

Her chest rises and falls and she wonders if he is staring at her of if he has his eyes closed too. She can hear him breathing heavily in front of her. They’re close enough for their foreheads to touch. 

She finally starts to feel him move, his fingers sliding down to her waist. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted, Gwen. I shouldn’t have gotten so angry with you, I just – “

“I understand.” She is breathless when she speaks, but she’s determined to not let him speak the apology. “I had no idea what was going on, you were right.”

“I thought I could keep you at arm’s length but I don’t think I…” He skims his lips over hers again. “I don’t think I can.”

“I don’t want you to.” She whispers desperately.

“I wanna be better for you. I wanna be better for  _ her _ . I just need you to be patient with me.” 

“I’m not good at hiding the way I feel for anyone, Blake. I always show my whole hands and lay my cards out flat. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I need to know if you can handle that without pushing me away.”

He smiles. “I know that about you, I do. I can handle that. What I can’t handle is you trying to fix me, I don’t want to feel like I’m a puzzle you need to solve.”

“I know you’re fighting certain demons and I won’t let that scare me off. I’ll be patient with you because I believe in you. Just talk to me? Please.”

He is moving a hand upward to cup the underside of her chin and tilts it up gently. His hot mouth presses onto her and his tongue darts out and trails the skin on her lips. It’s a heated kiss that floods her entire body with goosebumps. A sound escapes her as his hand slides down her jaw and graces her throat. 

“I love you too.” Her fingernails sink into the fabric on his shoulder as his soft-spoken words hit her sensitive neck. He nips at her skin right after speaking the confession and breaks away from her next.

She’s breathing heavily and has completely blocked out their surroundings. 

“Blake, I….” She bites her lip and hopes he gets the memo. 

“Yeah, I know.” He groans, grabbing her hand and tugging her back inside. “I can’t wait any longer either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emotional release might translate into another type of “release” in the next chapter ;-)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;-)

The door had been shut for less than a second before he took her upstairs.  He thought about holding it off longer but he couldn’t come up with a single excuse to do that. He had shared his darkest moment with her and she made absolutely no effort to leave. In the contrary, she made him believe she wanted to stay. He’s never felt that kind of love before and he’s torn between thinking this is what it’s supposed to be like and fearing that she’s too naïve for her own good. 

None of it matters as he watches her undress in his bedroom. He can see actual stars in her eyes and he curses out loud when she drops to her knees in front of him. 

Her nimble fingers slide off his jeans before hooking under the waistband of his boxers. His hand slides over hers softly. “Gwen, are you sure?”

She nods and smirks at him like there’s nowhere she’d rather be and he can’t even begin to explain how hot that is. She moves with such a slowness it’s killing him, but he knows better than to rush her. Her hands are like strands against his skin, one on his hip, the other on his thigh. He can tell she’s fighting to stay in control, keep up her leisurely pace because she wants to drive him as crazy as humanly possible. 

Her eyes are dark as her thumb sweeps over the head of his cock before taking him in her mouth. The heat and slickness is impeccable, causing his legs to tremble. It’s the perfect sight, seeing her with her lips stretched around him and her eyes looking up at him. She hollows her lips around him and everything becomes perfectly tight. His limbs feel like they’re being charged with more energy than any person could take and he’s already nearing the point where he has no choice but to release all that pent-up tension. 

She bobs her head while taking more of him in and it’s the most erotic and sensual thing he’s ever been a part of. He can’t take his eyes off her even though it doesn’t help him at all to see her blow him. He’s crashing towards that magical high with unforeseeable speed and his hands grab her hair as a lifeline. She hums around him when she feels his fingers in her strands and Blake can’t do anything but watch his world narrow to nothing but the hot slick of Gwen’s mouth on him. 

When he comes, it feels like he’s being punched in the stomach. He rides it out like waves and tries not to die when she goes down his overly sensitive member once more, to make sure she gets every single drop of release off him. 

He’s quick to pull her up afterwards, walking her backwards to his bed and flipping her on it. She smiles while waiting for him to join her which he does right away. He moves over her, removing her panties and bra with quick precision. Watching Gwen lay underneath him in all her naked glory takes his breath away much like he envisioned it. She’ s a moving work of art in the flesh and he wants to admire and worship her until the fucking world ends.

He can practically see her heart skip a beat in her chest when he slides a solid finger into her. The wetness that coats his hand brings a sly grin to his mouth. He groans when he forces another one in gently as her muscles start to relax around him. It’s a slow and torturous twist as they sink in from fingertip to knuckle. Her sweet moans let him know he’s on the right track. 

He knows her sexual experiences are limited and he’s determined to make this the best encounter she’s ever had. His thumb applies pressure to her clit and she gasps prettily in the air between them. He lowers his mouth onto hers, wanting to feel the next inevitable moan right there against his lips. He works her for a few minutes and catches every gasp he retracts from her until her body slightly spasms and she lets go for him.

She grinds back against his hand, her head falling into the crook of his neck. Watching her shatter into a million pieces had been his favorite thing for a while but knowing what’s gonna happen next just kicks that into a whole other gear. He holds her close until she’s ridden out the entire wave. 

“I’m ready now.” She whispers, bucking her hips. “Make love to me, Blake.”

Blake literally growls at the words coming out of her mouth. He dreamed about hearing her say that ever since meeting her and to hear them now feels surreal. He slides a gentle hand between their bodies and parts her legs some more. 

“ I’m gonna go slow, baby.” He kisses her deeply and moves so slow it’s almost  bordering  lazy. 

“Please Blake.” 

Her breathy plea sounds so beautiful it’s all it takes for him to look up and start to slowly ease himself into her. There aren’t enough words to describe the sound she makes against his neck, the choked off whimper she tries to muffle by biting down on his skin. He hikes her leg up around his waist and presses their hips together. 

“How does that feel?” He whispers against her ear. 

“Fuck.” She groans out, sweaty hands clutching at the sheets. “So good.” 

Blake gives an experimental little thrust and smirks at her words. He gets a nice little grip on her hips and finds a quicker but just as intimate of a rhythm. Weeks of pent up emotion spills out of them while his hand desperately cups her face and forces her gaze to meet his. He wants to see everything, especially since she’s so damn perfect like this. 

He thrusts a little bit harder at her soft encouragements being spoken against his ear and he feels his control slipping away. Her hands clutch at his chest when he hits her sweet spot and he laughs breathlessly against her cheek. 

“You good, baby girl?” 

She answers him in the form of a kiss while wrapping her arms around his neck. The position pulls him so impossibly close he rests his forehead against hers while moving his hips firmly into her. They’re sharing air and the slick slide of their skin pressing together makes him groan loudly. Nothing has ever felt this good. 

“I love you.” She whimpers in between kisses and thrusts of his hips. “You’re a good man Blake, _so fucking_ _ good _ …” He steals her breath with another sharp thrust. “No matter what.”

It’s too much. The fit around him that clings to him like a vice, the way her words sound so sincere. It’s all wrapping around him  and he hangs on to the tiny fraction of control he’s got left. This might not make any of his problems any less or his grief less intense, but it brings him a sense of comfort to have this level of intimacy with her. There’s hope where once was only doom and he feels wetness coating his eyes while hers coats his member that’s still deep inside her depths. 

“Fuck baby, yeah.” He murmurs, feeling the way she clamps down on him. The muscles in her stomach start twitching and when Blake moves his fingers down to rub over her bundle of nerves, she lets go again. He fucks her through the comedown, soft and shallow thrusts that send him spiralling over the edge as well. Their bodies flush together as he rides it out and her fingers toying with the hairs on the back of his head make him nuzzle against her shoulder. 

She holds him close as they catch their breathes and he chuckles when she protests at his slight movement, thinking he was gonna pull away. He reassures her and lays down on his back, using his arm to pull her half onto his chest. Their breathing slowly evens out and falls in sync. 

“I’m gonna be really cheesy for a moment.” Gwen whispers against his arm before pressing a soft kiss there.

“Go for it.” 

“This is the closest I’ve ever felt to a person. And I don’t just mean because you made love to me like the world was ending.” 

Blake laughs. “ I’m sorry, you’re just too damn irresistible.” 

“I mean it Blake, this is different from anything I’ve ever felt before. Thank you.” 

He bites his lip and refrains from rolling her underneath him again and start up round two.

“You’re welcome darling. As much as it scares me, the feeling is utterly mutual.” 

She tugs at the sheet, covering them up a little before pressing back against his side. It’s still fairly early yet time was completely lost on him. If it weren’t for her timid voice to cut the silence, he would’ve forgotten all about any further responsibilities for today. 

“ You think we should go back downstairs and fix some dinner?”

He lets out a weak groan. 

“Perhaps we should.” But instead of helping them out of bed, he pulls her even closer and slides his fingers through her hair, rubbing slow and gently at her scalp. “But I can’t think of one good reason to let go of you right now.”

There’s a deep and satisfying hum coming from Gwen’s throat. 

“I’m not hungry. I wouldn’t mind staying here.”

He lets out a heartfelt sigh and smiles. 

“I love you. We’re staying right here.”

How she managed to turn his day around like this he’ll never know. But he feels happiness for the first time in a long time, infiltrating his veins and pumping pure bliss through his entire being. He’s  only felt this way once before, when he found out he was going to be a father to a little girl. 

He presses a gentle kiss to Gwen’ s temple and lets out a breath that feels in a lot of ways, like the one his daughter never got to take.


	20. Chapter 20

He knows he’s irrational at times. He knows he’s prone to stupid decisions too. But he never thought he was crazy until he slipped out of Gwen’s hold and went to sit out on his porch in the middle of the night.

Her arm had been so warm in the way it laid across his torso and he learned that she tangles her legs with the person she’s laying with, unable to fall asleep otherwise. She literally clings like a kitten but he finds it nothing but adorable.

It makes no sense for him to go and seek freedom from her hold tonight but perhaps that’s why he does it.

He fucked plenty of times in his life but rarely had he been fortunate enough to experience love making in the way that he just had. Gwen loved him so wildly and without boundaries, he had no choice but to bare every ounce of pleasure to her. He had been stripped off his  defenses and made to worship his fear. He got lost inside her and the sounds she made for him and not once did he think of it as an escape. Instead he saw it as coming home.

They were just two hearts swimming in the dark and finding their way to each other.

They made it. He clung to her like the world was ending around him and she kissed him with intent every single time. He opened his wounds to her and watched her lick them, soothe them. It was too much and not enough, too sweet and too cruel, too foreign and too much like home. She’s sweetness and he’s bitter.

But he made her a promise and intends to keep it. He wants to be better.

There’s a soft sound that makes him look up from his position in the hard chair. The sound of his door pushing open carefully and a lithe figure standing in the doorway.

She’s standing there in nothing but his shirt that fits her like a dress.

“God Gwen you’re gonna suffer from hypothermia standing out here like that. ”

“ It’s California, I’ll survive. ”

“What are you doing out here?” He asks.

“Finding you.”

He takes in her gorgeous face, that face that could make men start and stop war, the face that could make or break him.

“I just needed to clear my head. I’ll be right back darling.”

“Anything you want to talk about?” She asks carefully. “Are you... do you regret what happened?”

“What?” Blake shakes his head. “No, please don’t go off thinking that.”

She bites her lip.

“Kinda hard not to when you sneak out of bed in the middle of the night to  _ think _ , right after we had sex for the first time.”

“Gwen.” He takes his face in his hands and then gets up, backing her up into the hallway and closing the door behind them. “You are perfect. There’s no reason for me to regret what happened.”

“Sometimes you don’t need a reason.” She whispers.

He caresses her cheek with the soft part of his thumb and watches her eyes  lift up to meet his. “I don’t regret sleeping with you.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

Underneath all that love he feels for her, there’s a layer of concern that hovers like a storm cloud.

“Nothing’s wrong, absolutely nothing and that’s why....” He talks quietly, trying to gather his thoughts like they’re paint brushes, waiting to paint her a picture she’ll understand. “I thought being with someone again who actually means something to me would go paired with this crazy bang, something that would have to tear me apart before it could start being good again. I thought I would have to bleed and drink and  _ die _ for this.” He continues with a shaky voice, his hand cupping her cheek now. “But here you are- soft, sweet, perfect. And I just don’t understand. I don’t understand why me.”

She takes a deep breath, leans against his hand and shows him the pure definition of trust.

“I’m not perfect, Blake. Far from it.” She whispers. “But I like who I am when I’m with you and I’m starting to believe that’s what love is. You don’t hide the parts of you that are flawed, but you start to accept them.”

“In what ways are you flawed, sweetheart?” He chuckles, almost in disbelief.

He has lived enough of life to know everyone comes with baggage, but Gwen might be the closest thing he’s ever seen to perfection and that scares him.

“I had my innocence stolen too. Maybe not in the way you have, but I’ve seen some things, been forced to grow up too fast. I’m not perfect.”

Blake holds his arms out like an offer and Gwen falls into them quickly.

He whispers against the side of her head. “I don’t know much about your history.”

She nods. “It’s not special. I grew up with parents who loved me but they didn’t show each other any. I know kids grow up with divorced parents all the time, but I was one of those kids that wished it happened sooner. That’s when I really started getting into music.”

By the time she finishes speaking, her hands are clinging to him so desperately her knuckles are turning white. He hasn’t seen her like this before. He continues to hold her.

“My mom has always been really supportive, but my dad only ever wanted it to be a hobby. When he  realized this wasn’t just a phase, he kinda cut me off. I spent my whole life being a daddy’s girl until I stopped doing what he had in mind for me. It’s the first time I knew what it felt like to be truly worthless.”

It’s hard for him to wrap his head around someone as brightly and warm as Gwen to ever be oblivious to her worth.

“Please don’t say that.” He says softly.

“I know now that I’m not.” She whispers, voice slightly quivering. “But I’m just saying that I have _felt_ that. I know what it’s like to feel disregarded and used. I know what’s it like to get rejected, to have someone tell me to my face that I’m not good enough, not  pretty enough . I’ve been left before, twice actually, and I’m scared of it happening again.”

His cheek is pressed against her hair, his arms holding her like  its his job.

“I’m not leaving you.” He says softly, feeling her move closer at his words. “Wait a minute... your parents, didn’t you say they help finance your place?”

“I figured you’d start asking questions if I told you it was just my mom pitching in sometimes. That’s why I’m so determined to make this work, I wanna pay her back every penny.”

“And your dad, he just -“

“I haven’t seen him since the day I graduated.” Gwen replies quickly. “The day I told them I was moving here with Tony to pursue music is the day he decided to cut me out entirely.”

“Oh Gwen.” He breathes, feeling like an asshole for not getting to her story sooner.

“It’s okay, I’m not broken.” She says, looking up at him to show him a small and tired smile. “I’m glad to be here, I know I made the right decision coming here and I know I made the right decision tonight.”

Blake bites his lip and leans down, leaving light kisses behind against her neck, like tiny snowflakes that are meant as a promise.

He moves upwards to kiss her mouth and finds her already waiting.

She’s open and trusting and warm, like she always is. Her brown eyes patient and kind and her lashes brush his cheek just slightly as she waits for his mouth to claim hers.

“Will you take me back to bed?” She whispers.

Blake laughs, his eyes crinkling up at the sides. He brushes his mouth against hers and nods.

“Gladly.”

* * *

God she looks so content just lying there, hair splayed out against the pillow, moist lips parted as she watches him drive in and out of her.  She whimpers every time their hips connect and he’s in pure agony trying to hold off his release. 

The bed creeks underneath them, a backdrop to their breathless gasps and moans. She is looking up at him, a myriad of emotions splaying across her face. In the absence of words, he simply thumbs her cheek before pressing his lip against hers. 

“I love you, Gwen.” He whispers against her temple. Her hands cup his cheeks and her mouth seeks his out instead of speaking the words back to him. 

She doesn’t have to. He feels it all around him, in the way she holds him, the way she fucks him. He never thought he would find that guttural wild desire with the sweet girl that walked into his bar two months ago, but damn did he hope so. 

“ _Please_.” She chokes against his lips, reminding him that he’s still hard inside her. He rocks into her firmly a few times before she’s whiting and arching into his thrusts. Her fingers dig into the back of his neck, each exhale coming out as a moan or a gasp. He finally hears a strained howl rip from the back of her throat as he slams into her, her walls clenching around him like a vice as she comes. 

He groans into her ear, her orgasm triggering his own as white heat spills inside her. 

Their jagged breaths are still intermingling when she looks up at him with shiny eyes. She wades through just enough oxygen to let those three gorgeous words fall from her lips. 

“I love you too.”

* * *

“We should sit.” 

Jake motions towards the couch while he leans against the office desk. Blake takes a seat on one of the office chairs right in front of him instead. Gwen favors the comfortable cushioned surface with plenty of sitting length over the crappy stools any day. With all adults sitting at an uncomfortable distance from each other, Blake’s co-owner and friend speaks up. 

“I made a new agreement for the time being and I think it’s a good idea for all of us to get familiar with it. Just in case.” 

Blake’s hand trails over the wooden surface of his desk, running his hands along there as he waits. 

“Just hand it over to me.” Blake sighs, desperate to get this over with. 

His friend slides the piece of paper across the smooth surface and Blake stills it with his hand. His mind runs back to a few hours prior, when he and Gwen snuck another round in before driving back here. He can’t stop thinking about what it would feel like to have that same smooth surface pressing into her back as he thrusts into her. 

Maybe he shouldn’t be this hyper focused on sex with her, but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t on his mind every single minute since their first night together.

He bans it from his mind in this moment, the rawness of the upcoming conversation not asking for his mind to go astray. 

Blake’s eyes glaze over the newly constructed list of rules. 

“Wait a fucking second.” The bar owner suddenly pipes up. “What is this rule? The third one.”

“You can’t be here after ten pm. I’ll cover these shifts or we’ll just hire some more people. There’s no reason you should be here when the bar gets the rowdiest.”

“This is my bar.” Blake counteracts. “There’s literally  _ all _ the reason for me to be here.” 

“Not when you’re a recovering alcoholic, Blake.” Jake challenges. “Did you take my advice, did you finally get a sponsor?”

Blake sighs deeply. “Yes, my therapist appointed me one.” 

“Good.” 

“Really good, that’s why I don’t see why I should follow this particular rule.”

His friend turns his gaze to Gwen, asking silently for help. Blake is about to cut them both off when Gwen’s subdued voice interrupts. 

“I think he’s right, Blake.” She says softly. “There’s enough time for you to be here without any rules when things aren’t still so fresh. For right now, you should probably get out of here when the drinking gets out of control. Why would you surround yourself with that much temptation if there are people capable enough to take over for you?”

“Exactly. You just need to trust me and the people you’ve hired. We’re more than able to keep this place running.”

“I’m supposed to be here.” 

“And you will be. Up until 10 pm that is.” Jake explains. “I think it speaks for itself that you won’t be having any drinks here anymore and that you’re officially off bar duties. You can still run this place from back here or at home and you’ll be in charge of scheduling and recruitment just like before.”

“This is ridiculous.” Blake scoffs, the room falling deathly silent.

Perhaps he shouldn’t be getting mad, but this is his life’s work and somehow it feels like he’s being stripped from that  with one shitty piece of paper. 

“We just want to look out for you.” Gwen explains softly, her eyes searching for his. 

“Please say you agree to these new terms.” Jake pleads.

He scrubs a hand over his face in frustration, giving them both a look of full exasperation. Then his tone drops into an unexpected state of calmness. 

“I want to make an exception to the rule for all the nights Gwen plays here.” He says. 

“What?” Gwen asks. 

“I want to be here for all your performances, like I have been so far. I don’t want to start missing out on those because of this damn  _ sickness _ .”

Gwen closes her eyes and he can tell she’s touched and overwhelmingly worried at the same time.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea…” Jake starts.

“This was not a suggestion.” Blake cuts in. “I’ll agree to these new terms, but only if you’ll agree to my one condition.”

“We can just schedule my sets a bit earlier. I don’t mind taking the earlier slot.” Gwen offers sweetly.

He wants to kiss her deeply and show her exactly how much he loves her care and dedication to him in this moment, but he knows the earlier slots are usually the crappiest and the crowds are undeniably better when they’ve gotten a few drinks in them. 

“There’s no need for that. I can keep it together one or two nights a week.” 

“Are you sure?” Jake asks, facial expressions hard. “Because I’m not convinced.” 

Blake’s jaw tenses. “I’m not missing her shows.” 

“Then we’ll schedule them earlier. If Gwen can get Tony on board with that too, you have yourself a deal.” 

His heart slams against his chest at the thought of _Tony_ being the deciding factor in his faith, but he nods once in silent acknowledgement. He knows when he’s cornered and truly has no choice. This is one of those times. 

“Fine.” 

“We have a deal?” Jake asks one more time to be sure. 

“We have a deal.” Blake says softly. 

“Let’s shake on it.” Blake tries his hardest not to scoff when he shakes his friend’s hand, a large part of him still trying to come to terms with the damage his addiction has caused and continues to do. 

Gwen takes a few steps closer to him and waits for him and Jake to have parted, before walking straight into his arms. She nuzzles her head against his chest and holds on to him tightly. 

“I love you.” She whispers. “I know this was hard for you, but it’s a good thing you did here.” 

He doesn’t think he can feel her words and perceive them as truth yet, but perhaps the only good thing he  _ can _ be sure of is the person clinging to him in this moment. And that will have to be enough for now.

And a lifetime. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is much heavier than anything I’ve ever written before so thank you if you’re still here reading. Chapter 20 already.. time to end it yet?


	21. Chapter 21

She’s been at work for less than an hour but he’s seen enough. He tried hard at keeping a respectable distance to let her do her thing but after the third time watching her clutch at her head and groan, it became clear she was no in state to be here, let alone work a full shift.   


She keeps a smile on her face the whole time while talking to people but loses the quick façade right after. The way she keeps scrunching her face and rubbing her temples makes him painfully aware of her unwell state. 

He waits until he’s about to head out to talk to her. 

“Gwen.” He says, whistling lowly to get her attention. “Follow me for a sec.”

She seems hesitant but follows him to the entrance and bites on her lip hard when she stands in front of him.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“I’m fine.”

Her fingers curl around the electronic order pad as each wave of pain hits and Blake cocks his head sarcastically.

“Really?” 

She hums. “Yes. I should get back out there, it’s busy and people are,  _ ugh fuck _ , waiting.”

Blake steps forward and ignores her words, his palm  lying flat against her forehead. 

“You’re getting sick?”

“It’s just a headache.”

“Just a headache?” Blake asks worriedly, grimacing when she twists out of his hold and rakes her hand through her ponytail. “You’re burning up.”

“I’m fine.” She counters determinedly. “Blake, I really need this.”

“No, what you _ need _ to do is go home.”

She looks around them and then closes the distance between them and looks at him fiery.

“I can’t just go home Blake.” She hisses. “I don’t know if you’ve seen where I live but I barely get by as it is. I need this job and I can’t afford to miss a paycheck.”

“We’ll take care of you here, you know that.”

She shakes her head. “I’m fine. Just go home Blake, really, don’t worry.”

Her words leave him less than convinced and despite her order to go home, he decides to stick around a few minutes longer and watches her do some  more  rounds. 

He normally wouldn’t get this protective but he knows she’s been under a lot of stress lately and she’s been overworking ever since he’s got to know her. Getting closer to her meant learning more about her and he quickly found out she had a real problem letting anyone take care of her. He wanted to show her a different way. A way where she didn’t have to deal with everything on her own. 

She disappears behind the bar and works herself up in a frustration when she hunches over the bar and takes a deep inhale of breath. Her eyes meet his where he’s standing near the back and he watches her talk to Jake before walking his way. 

He raises his brow. “I’m just looking out for you.”

“You’re babying me and I don’t like it.” She says, rubbing her forehead. “You’re right though, I think I’m getting sick. The noise in here... I can’t handle it.”

His hand softly kneads her lower back as he starts ushering her out. 

“Did you tell Jake you’re leaving?”

“Yeah.”

He nods. “Good. I’m taking you home.”

“Blake no, you don’t have to. You can just drive me back to my place.”

“Okay.” He concedes. “We can either stay at your place or go back to mine. The choice is all yours.”

She rolls her eyes at him. “You’re really gonna insist on coming with me, huh?”

“You’re sick.” He states pointedly. “I’m gonna take care of you. That’s what you do when you’re in a relationship.”

“We’re in a relationship?”

Blake laughs quietly and leads her outside to his car. 

“You can fuck me and tell me you love me but the word relationship trips you up?”

She scoffs and pulls herself into the  passenger’s seat. 

“It doesn’t trip me up. I just haven’t heard you say it yet.”

“I kinda thought it was obvious.” He rubs the back of his neck before starting the engine. “Do you not want to be in a relationship?” He asks nervously.

“I do. I like the sound of it a lot, Blake.” She says on a content sigh while her head leans against the headrest. “And I would like to go to your place if you don’t mind.”

He smiles. 

“I don’t mind at all.”

“Can you promise not to worry about me though?” 

“No, I can’t promise you that.” 

Gwen looks out of the window, her teeth sinking deeply into her lower lip.

“It’s weird.”

Blake hums. “What is?”

“You caring for me like that.”

If he could stop the car and park it alongside the road and get to the bottom of what’s going on, he would, but he can only do so much on the freeway. He turns his head to her briefly and watches every little change on her face.

“I don’t understand.” He admits softly. “Why is that weird to you?”

She shrugs. “No reason, I guess.”

“Come on.” He pushes. “What’s going on in that gorgeous head of yours?”

“I’m just not used to this.” She says. “I would’ve been fine going home by myself, you know? If you don’t want to check up on me or spend time with me when I’m like this, I wouldn’t suddenly think less of you.”

“You should.”

“That’s ridiculous.” She challenges.

“Gwen, anyone who wouldn’t want to spend time with you cause you’re sick is ridiculous. You’d have every right to be upset with me if that were the case.”

She shakes her head, keeping her gaze trained on the highway.

“I don’t think you can force people to take on that responsibility. They don’t have to take care of you or love you, those things are rare. You can be grateful when they happen, but you can’t just  _ expect _ it.”

Blake’s at a total loss for words. Gwen has been nothing but loving and caring ever since she walked into his bar that first night. Her words right now make as little sense as the shit that has happened in his life.

“You can expect love and care from the people closest to you.”

She exhales deeply. “I guess I just find it easier not to.”

“Gwen- “

“Can we drop it please?” She whispers. “My headache is getting really bad.”

He’s not planning on dropping it forever but he sees no reason to push her when she’s already feeling bad. He nods and slides his hand over the consoler to gently squeeze her thigh. 

“We’re almost home.”

* * *

  
“I’ve got you some painkillers.” Blake announces softly as he watches Gwen getting comfortable in his bed. 

She looks even worse than she did a few minutes ago, beats of sweat lining her forehead and her eyes watery and red. 

“Take two of those.” He says sweetly, sitting on the edge of her bed and handing her a glass of water from the kitchen. He waits until she’s sitting up with a bit of a struggle and takes the pills and water from her. She lays right back down as she swallowed it and groans with the effort. 

“I don’t understand.” She whines. “I never get sick like this.”

Blake takes the glass from her and sets it onto the nightstand in easy reach, in case she needs more. 

“Just take some proper time to rest and let me take care of ya. You’ll feel better in no time.”

“I don’t like to bother people when I’m all needy like this.”

“What do you like to do in times like these then?” He asks softly, brushing some strands of hair from her forehead. 

“Normally I would just go home and lay in bed, pray I feel better the next morning. I don’t like to ask for help.”

He gently rubs his thumb along her temple, her soft but satisfying groan telling him it’s an appreciated move. 

“Good thing I didn’t make you ask then.” He says. “I want you to be here Gwen. I want to take care of you. Will you let me?”

Her head drifts against his side, leaning into his body as her eyes get heavy. 

“I don’t have much of a choice, I feel like.” She yawns. “My body is betraying me.”

He chuckles. “Not exactly the perfect response but I’ll take it.”

Her eyes remain close and the only thing that tells him she’s still awake is the way her hand searches for his blindly. She grasps at the sheets and then slides down further to cover his fingers with his. 

Even her hand is sweaty and hot and it immediately spikes his concern. 

“Are you still in pain, sweetheart?”

Gwen blinks her eyes open as if she’s startled and keeping them from shutting again seems to take far more effort than it should. 

“No I’m awake.”

“I didn’t ask if you were awake, darling.” Blake chuckles. 

He’s still smiling when Gwen turns to look at him, his mouth tugging tight at the corner and his eyes shimmering with both concern and amusement.

“ Oh... ” She stumbles and then yawns. “But I’m not sleeping. I’m awake.”

“You feeling those pain meds?” He smiles, shifting so both his legs are vertically on the bed. 

She nods. “Are they legal ones?”

Blake laughs. “Yes honey, they’re legal. I use them to nurse my....” He trails off, not wanting to say the words. “I use them whenever I desperately need some relief too so I know they work.”

Gwen shifts on the bed and drapes one arm around Blake’s waist and presses her head to his chest.

“You sure you won’t get too hot like this?” Blake asks carefully, still not comfortable with how much she’s burning up. 

“Yes, like this please.” She murmurs.

“Just tell me when it stops being comfortable for you.”

Makes hand slides up to trail through her hair, the weight of his touch incredible gentle since he knows there’s still a dull headache that’s slowly fading with assurance of the pain relievers. 

“Your heartbeat is like a lullaby.” Gwen whispers from where her head is still on his chest.

He smiles. “I hope this fever isn’t so bad it’s making you actually delirious.”

“Stop making fun of me.” She says softly. “These are just things I say.”

“I like the things you say.” 

“It’s very soothing.” She continues.

“Then go to sleep.” He commands softly.

“Okay, I’ll try. Then I can go back to work tomorrow.”

Blake rolls his eyes. His fingers drag through her hair, thumb slipping behind Gwen’s ear to trail a path of warmth down her neck. 

“We’ll see.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got a little stuck, but I’m figuring out where to go from here. I think we could all use some fluff right now, so here it is.

He wakes in the middle of the night and immediately notices Gwen tossing and turning. Her soft groans sound painful and he uses his hand to gently rake through her hair.

“Gwen?” He asks softly. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

“ _Blake_?” Her groggy voice is scratchy and it makes him sit up straighter.

“Lay on your back for me.” He instructs her, gently helping her to roll over so she can look at him. His hand covers her forehead and he feels the incredible heat beneath his palm. “Jesus baby, you’ve got one hell of a fever.”

She whines and grunts something inaudible. He pulls the covers off and walks towards the bedroom door. 

“I’m gonna get you another aspirin and some water.”

He returns a few minutes later with a glass of water and some Tylenol. He helps her sit up against the headboard and waits as she swallows down two more painkillers. Her eyes are tired and blood-shot, her skin sweaty and warm.

“Thanks.” She offers weakly after he takes the glass out of her hands again and places it on the nightstand.

He’s about to ask if there’s anything else he can do for her, when she curls up against him, her head on his chest.

His hand automatically comes up and rakes through her hair again. He stops when she shifts and he’s afraid he took it too far by touching her. Not meaning to smother her with affection while she’s already burning up.

“Keep going please.” She whispers barely audible. “I liked it.”

Blake’s brow raises. “This?”

He resumes the quiet massaging through her hair and she groans softly.

“Yeah.”

Blake smiles when she relaxes against his chest, his fingers carefully massaging her scalp and carefully threading through her hair.

“God, you might actually be able to massage this fever out of me. I’m not kidding.”

He chuckles. “Try going to sleep.”

When her breathing evens out and quiets down to a soft exhale a few minutes later, he knows she succeeded.

* * *

“This is _not_ a good idea.” He groans, rubbing his temple.

“I’m feeling better, Blakey.”

“You were sick as a dog no less than two days ago.”

She smiles up at him sweetly before wrapping her arms around his midsection and resting her chin against his chest. “Which you so generously took care off. I’m telling you, these massages of yours cured me.”

He bites his lip, shaking his head. “Gwen, this is serious. You need to take it easy.”

“Which I am.” She replies, her stubbornness both adorable and frustrating. He doesn’t know why he wants to protect her so badly, but it’s becoming a nuisance. “I just want to do something fun. We haven’t even really hung out yet aside from the bar.”

It was still a touchy subject whenever one of them mentioned Ole Red. Though Blake had been able to be there again, it still wasn’t back to how it used to be.

He still only worked afternoons and was banned from bar duties. Gwen’s shows were being held earlier in the evening so Blake could still attend, but they both knew it wouldn’t always be that easy. Some nights were more crowded than others and some had more people on the bill. More people meant more egos and more egos always means someone must settle.

“You’re right.”

“I always am.” She quips.

His hands hold on to her hips, his thumb rubbing circles underneath the fabric of her loose t-shirt. He loves Gwen for many reasons, one of them includes her love for skimpy clothing. She’s always dressed appropriately, but he never fails to be able to cop a feel.

“Don’t be a smartass.” He jokes.

“Take me to the movies, cowboy. I’m ready.”

He chuckles at her words, not surprised to learn she’s got him wrapped around her finger entirely. He opens the passenger’s door for her and waits until she’s hoisted herself up in his large truck. It always fills him with joy to watch her small body sit in his large car. Something about it almost doesn’t fit, but she absolutely belongs there.

She’d led them to a movie theatre of her suggestion and he realizes he hasn’t been to the movies in ages. Not that it’s something he didn’t enjoy, but just simply because he stopped going out. The bar had quickly become his only source of occupation. Being with Gwen was appearing to turn that around again.

It surely was more productive to his health than the downtime activities he used to do engage in with his ex-wife.

Gwen had looked like a kid in a candy store when they entered the dark theatre. It was obvious she knew her way around the place and she quickly got them to the popcorn stand. They got one large one to share and Blake slapped a few quick bucks on the counter. She’d grabbed his hand and showed him to their assigned seats, leaning into him when they were seated.

“This is exciting. I can’t remember the last time I went to the movies with a boyfriend.”

His smile is wide. “I still can’t get used to you using that term.”

She looks at him nervously. “You still like when I say it, right?”

He kisses her briefly on the lips. “It’s the best damn feeling in the world.”

“It’s weird because I remember thinking I wanted you to become my boyfriend so bad but I knew I would never ask you. I was pretty convinced you just thought of me as some annoying aspiring artist who brought boyfriend troubles to your beloved bar.”

She chuckles softly to herself, but Blake’s eyes stay glued to her. She must feel his gaze because her head turns back to him while she bites her lip.

“You were the best thing to ever happen to that place.” He says honestly. “That’s the first thing I thought when I saw you and that’s always been what I believed.”

“I don’t understand why.”

Blake shrugs. “I’ve been working in that bar for quite some years now, I’ve seen artist of all genres and levels of talent come through that door. You kind of develop an eye for the ones who are legit. You left no doubt in my mind that you were the most important artist we’d ever put on the bill.”

He can tell her eyes are becoming glossy and one of his hands slides softly onto her leg.

“I shouldn’t have started this conversation because I should’ve known you’d make me cry.”

“The good kind, right?”

She nods. “The best kind. I’m serious, I’m so not used to any of this. Tony and I had been dating for two years before he ever took me out on a proper date. My parents weren’t big on romance either, so I just convinced myself that I didn’t need it. I think a part of me also didn’t feel like I deserved it.”

Everytime she’d reveal something about her past to him, he’d be reminded of how much she’s missed out on and how much she truly hasn’t been exposed to. He wants to show her everything and demolish any trace of insecurity left. He knows it’s an angry seed that’s been planted in her heart ever since she can remember, but he’s determined to eliminate it entirely.

He leans into her and uses his left hand to grip the back of her head. Her lips touch his softly and he revels in the softness of it all. He pulls back a little and speaks the words directly against her mouth.

“I’m gonna show you everything you’ve missed out on Gwen.”

“Only if you let me do the same for you.”

Blake lets out a silent groan as he tries his hardest not to pull her onto his lap and make out with her roughly. He’s lucky in that regard when the room darkens some more and the screen expands, indicating the movie is about to start. They pull away from each other, though he makes a quick grab for her hand.

He realizes it’s not just Gwen who missed out on a lot.

He had never been able to grab Miranda’s hand in public. He never made it a problem because he knew it made her feel suffocated. He might’ve been a lot of things but he had never been spiteful. He’d never been allowed to truly make love to her, they’d only fuck. He never experienced a movie date with her either, solely evenings of watching movies on the couch with at least an arm-length of space between them.

The movie seemed to relax both of them and distract from the emotional conversation they had before. By the time the credits started to roll, Gwen’s smile had taken over her entire face.

“Did you like it?”

Rom-coms were hardly Blake’s cup of tea but he didn’t have the heart to tell her anything other but a positive review. Besides, he did enjoy himself immensely. He just spent most of the ninety minutes looking at _her_ instead of the movie screen.

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought.”

She swats his arm playfully. “The story is so wholesome, though. It really teaches the fundamentals of love. Love is surrender and those who can’t stop judging will never find it. True love is a helpless state.”

Blake’s brow raises. “Don’t you think that makes love sound scarier than it sounds wholesome?”

He’ll admit it, there’s something about watching her get passionate about subjects that makes him fall in love with her even more. Even if that means teasing her a little.

Her reply is serious. “Not at all. People tend to think love is all about attachment and possession, but that’s not true. Love knows no bounds and has no attachment or expectations. It’s simply a state of innocence.”

“Who taught you that?”

“Life.” She replies simply, lifting his hand to her face and kissing his knuckles. “You did, as well.”

He chuckles. “I don’t think I can teach you something I don’t even know.”

“You taught me that the only way I can let love in, _truly_ let it in, is when I’m simply and humbly _being_. I can’t control love, like I thought I could with my ex-boyfriend. I can’t control how other people love. I can only surrender.”

“Maybe that’s why this is going to work.” Blake says, dropping the playfulness in his tone. “Because I trust you. I haven’t felt that often but I feel it now. You can’t surrender to anything without trust.”

“I’ve never felt like this either, as you know. It’s so weird but in a beautiful way. I finally feel like the balance is there, you know? That give and take…. it’s equal now.”

“ _The more you give, the more it grows_ …” Blake cites.

Her teeth dig into her bottom lip again, her finger making a come-hither motion. He doesn’t hesitate for a second and kisses her deeply. He hopes for her sake people have left the theatre by now but he truly can’t find it within himself to care.

He nips at her lip and revels in the realization that this woman loves him.

“Gwen, are you sure you’re feeling better?” He asks. “Completely?”

She looks at him confused, her hand still at the back of his neck and he can tell she wants him to stop talking and continue kissing.

“Yes, why?”

He smirks.

“Because I want to go home and fuck you till you forget your own name.”

* * *

  
“God.” He whispers with his mouth against her neck. “You’re so fucking tight.”

He pulls out with a seething hiss and slowly moves back in. He’s eager to kiss her when she moans for him breathily and she’s just as ready to kiss him back. He mumbles something against her lip she knows she can’t understand, but he says it anyway.

It’s another round of love-making after two rounds of fucking and he can tell she’s getting tired. He’s determined to get her off at least one last time before he pulls out.

“You feel so incredible, baby.” He tells her while running his tongue along her lip slowly.

Her eyes close tightly, her ankles latching together around his waist. She tightens and clenches, clawing at his shoulder blades as her soft whimpers move higher up the scale.

The tension from being sick for a few days before this and the overflowing love they exclaimed to each other in the movie theatre bubbles over like hot lava, destroying everything in its path until nothing is left but them.

“ _Fuck_.” He moans into her mouth while trying to pull back but she’s got him locked inside of her. His head is pressed against hers as she trembles and falls off that cliff for the third time this afternoon.

He growls her name over and over as he shoots into her. He slams into her harder with each slow and powerful thrust and eventually goes rigid and still.

He lets out a breathless, panting laugh and kisses her softly.

“I hope that wasn’t too much for you.”

She grins tiredly. “That was _amazing_ , but I do need about a four hour nap.”

“Luckily for you, there’s nowhere else you gotta be right now.”

She smiles as she kisses him again, snuggling up to him under the covers.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst coming next.


	23. Chapter 23

He’s expecting Gwen to come back to his place after she’s done with her shift. It’s a silent promise she made after she left his bed this morning. Some people might think he’s moving too fast, having this girl spend nearly all her nights here. She’d been over so  much, he’d even offered to help pay her rent for a while. Why would she have to be the only one paying for that place when she’s barely there anyway? At the courtesy of him.

He hadn’t been surprised when she turned that offer down. It’s one of the reasons he’s so madly in love with her. It’s also one of the reasons he finds himself greatly frustrated sometimes. She’s obsessed with her independence, terrified of her need for affection and confused about how to combine the two.

The doorbell rings twice and he smiles.  _ 11:16 pm _ . He does love her punctuality.

He opens the door only to find his heart dropping to his feet. He cannot even describe the many emotions that riddle him in less than a second. He feels like he’s been through hell and back and he hasn’t even spoken one word yet.

“I would’ve called but I know that wouldn’t have mattered.”

He hadn’t heard her voice in so long, hearing it now was like an acid trip he didn’t want to partake in. He can feel every ounce of pain from his past in that voice.

“Leave.”

There aren’t any more words that want to force their way out, he meant to speak only this one and goes to close the door when Miranda outstretches her hand and keeps it from closing.

“Just hear me out.” She says,  _ pleads _ .

“You’ve got some nerve coming’ here.”

She gives him a look full of sorrow, full of broken promises and regret.

“I tried to stay away.” She says. “I’ve been in the city for a few weeks now. I can’t leave before talking to you.”

He doesn’t understand anything about what’s happening right now, all he knows is that he desperately wants a drink.

“There’s nothing for us to talk about.”

“How are you doing?” She asks.

His eyebrows shoot into his hairline. “Goodbye Miranda.”

“I talked to Gwen the other day.” She says hurriedly, seeing he was seconds away from slamming the door on her.

There’s something inside him that twists at his ex-wife mentioning Gwen. As if it’s a sacred word she’s not allowed to utter. Not to him.

He takes one daring step forward.

“Don’t  _ ever _ talk to her again. I don’t care how messed up you feel or how much you want to get to me. You leave her alone.”

The words feel good to say out loud to her, only his body can barely stand the fact of being around this woman. All he can think of is loss and betrayal when he looks at her.

“I didn’t mean to upset her, or you.”

“You lied through your goddamn teeth. I know you, you have a lot of intentions but none of them are pure.”

Miranda swallows visibly.

“I don’t blame you for thinking that.”

Blake shakes his head, confused at what her  intentions are this time, for showing up at his doorstep close to midnight.

“What do you want?” He barks.

“To talk.” She says. “I miss you. And I miss _her_.”

“Don’t.”

Don’t speak her name. Don’t remind me of the life you jeopardized, the one you _took_.

“I know you blame me, but you’re not the only one who lost something that day.”

Blake scoffs. “I didn’t lose something, I lost  everything . I don’t know what you hoped to gain from coming here but I can tell you right now you won’t find it here.”

“Gwen told me you relapsed.”

His eyes glare at her, his jaw locking.

“That why you’re here? To rub it in, tell me how alike we are, how useless I am?”

She shakes her head and for the first time in forever, she appears to be truly empathic to him.

“I could never think that.” She whispers.

Blake smiles bitterly. “Is that why you did everything in your power to destroy me?”

“I gave you everything I had, even if it wasn’t much at times.” She shoots back.

“You cheated on me, left me, threw broken bottles at me, drank throughout your pregnancy, harmed  _ St _ -“ his heart sinks, his ability to speak her name after they lost her non-existent.

“Stella.” His ex-wife whispers before looking up at him. “I was in a horrible state of mind when I did those things, Blake. I’m different now.”

“Are you sober?”

He knows it’s slightly hypocritical to ask, especially with the amount of resentment and judgement in his voice. But coming on two months of sobriety, he finds it within him to ask it anyway.

“I’m not.” She admits. “But I’m getting help now, professional help.”

He wants to find it in his heart to forgive her, to root for her, but all he finds is genuine dismay.

“Miranda, I hope you get it together, I really do.” He says, her face dropping as soon as she hears his tone. “But I don’t want to see you again. I don’t want anything to do with you.  Everyday since I’ve met you I’ve been trying to pick the pieces back up and I don’t just blame you for that. I blame us both. I hate who I am when I’m around you. I have someone who makes me want to be better, who makes me want to change. I want nothing to do with the version of me that you know and I want even less to do with the version of you that  _ I _ know.”

She inhales sharply. “What can I do to make it better? I know you like Gwen, she seems like a nice girl, but can she really handle you?”

“You need to stop talking about her.” He responds. “I’ve said all I wanted to say to you, I want you off my property now.”

“She’s young and clueless.” Miranda ignores his wishes and reveals so perfectly the side that he’s come to know so vividly over the years. “Is that why you like her? She makes you feel good about your  fucked up ways because she just doesn’t know any better? She doesn’t know how  _ truly _ damaged you are.”

“Have a great fucking night, Ran.” His anger is close to boiling over when he forces the door shut in her face.

He stands in the hallway waiting until he hears her car drive off before he takes his next breath. His heart feels massively battered.

Fuck he needs a drink.

He looks around for a moment, biting his lip, making the decision. The emptiness of his house scares him more than his less than saintly thoughts about liquor.

He takes a deep breath, walks as fast as he can towards the door, grabs his keys  off of the hook, and leaves.

He slams the door, knowing no one on the other side would be startled by the noise.

He gets into car, turning off the blare of cool air rushing at him as he drives. He steps on the gas once he’s out of the driveway, revving the engine.

He checks the clock, the green numbers yelling at him as they change, telling him he doesn’t have enough time to get a bottle and be back in time for when Gwen comes knocking.

It’s a challenge that he replies to by simply pinching the gas again.

_ 20 minutes. _

That’s how much it took him to drive to the night store and make it back to his house. His heart sinks when he sees Gwen sitting on his porch waiting and he can tell hers does too when she spots the bottle in his hands.

“ _ Blake _ .”

“I’m sorry for being late.”

He pushes past her, letting them both in.

“Blake, stop.” She says, walking after him quickly when he strides towards the kitchen.

His eyes tear up at her voice, so fragile and hurt and he’s a coward for avoiding her gaze with everything in him.

He pours himself a glass of whiskey, amber liquid settling in and pooling at the bottom.

“Blake, talk to me.” She says forcefully, getting in his way when he tries to walk towards the kitchen island with his glass in one hand and the bottle in the other.

“Not now.”

“ _Yes now.”_

Her face is a mixture of pure confusion and sadness, laced with an uncomfortable anger.

“Miranda was here.” He says simply, watching her eyes widen.

“What?”

“Amazing, isn’t it?” He offers her sarcastically, trying again to bypass her.

She moves fast, snatching the bottle out of his hand and pouring out all the content in the sink.

His initial thought is to yell, to scrape up all the whiskey with his hands and assemble it back into a glass, but he refrains from absolutely losing it and takes the newfound space to sit himself at the kitchen counter. He doesn’t acknowledge her any longer, just focuses all his attention to the glass between his palms.

He  hears the sound of glass shattering, a bottle being dropped in the trash with such force it rings throughout the room.

“ _ Fucking hell. _ _”_ He hears her cry, but he doesn’t look up, just keeps staring at the one glass of whiskey she didn’t get her hands on.

It feels like hours before she finally sits down across from him.

“What did she say to you?” Gwen asks.

He contemplates lying but he’s too tired, his mind encircled by everything he didn’t want to hear tonight.

“That she’s sorry.” He rasps, closing his eyes and tightening his grip around the whiskey glass. “That I’m too damaged for you.”

He opens his eyes and finds hers still on him, fresh tears leaking out of her eyes.

“That’s not true.”

“It might be.” He shrugs, his eyes turning to the brown liquid, his mouth watering.

“It’s not. You’re not too damaged for me, but you promised you’d talk to me. You can’t shut me out.”

“She showed up at my fucking doorstep, Gwen and I deal with that by running to the closest liquor store. How is that not being too damaged?”

“You’re addicted, you’re battling an addiction Blake. And I already told you I will stay by your side, but I can’t do that if you’re not willing to talk to me.”

“I’m talking to you, aren’t I?”

She nods. “Keep going.”

Blake sighs, biting his lip.

“Her name was Stella.”

A deafening silence falls.

“Her name was Stella and I haven’t been able to say that out loud since the day we lost her.”

Gwen whisks away a tear.

“That’s a gorgeous name.” She whispers. “Who came up with it?”

“We both did.” 

Gwen bites her lip and Blake wraps his fingers tighter around his glass. It’s fucked up but he feels the urge to make her cry, just so she’ll leave and make relapsing easier on him.

“You should go home.” He adds. “I’m not in the mood to talk anymore.”

She swallows roughly. “We don’t have to talk, we can just sit here.”

“Jesus Gwen, I don’t  _ want _ to just sit here. Don’t you get it? I’m a mess. My fucking ex-wife just came here and pretty much shitted all over my progress. What the hell does any of it matter anyway? I can’t do this, I can’t be the man you want me to be.”

“I know that’s not true. I’ve seen you fight this more than once, I know what you’re capable of.”

“What I’m capable of?” He scoffs. “What I’m capable of is ruining love. What I’m capable of is driving someone so insane the thought of having a baby with me made her  _ sick _ .” 

Her eyes widen. 

“That’s what you believe? You think it’s your fault she couldn’t kick her addition?” Her voice breaks. “ _ Blake _ …”

“I’m so tired.” He croaks. 

“We can go to bed, we can just lay there in silence, whatever you want. I’m not going anywhere.”

He shakes his head. “I promised you I’d do better and look at me….”

“I didn’t expect you to never struggle again, you can’t blame yourself for having a hard time right now.” She whispers. “You don’t deserve this.”

He doesn’t miss a beat. “What if I do?”

She shakes her head. “What about Stella?” She asks carefully. “Does _she_ deserve this?”

He looks up at her with fire in his eyes, a bitter taste in his mouth. 

His jaw clenches. “Don’t.”

“I firmly believe that when we lose someone, they never truly leave us. I’m so sorry you lost her Blake, you know I am. But you can still choose to keep her memory alive, to honor it.”

“You don’t think I’ve been trying?”

“I know you have.” She says softly, fresh tears forming in her eyes. “That’s why I believe you can fight this.  If not now, then another time.”

He feels a burning heat cluster up his chest. Her words fill him with hope and dread at the same time, the room around him spinning and he hadn’t even had a drop yet.

“ _ I can’t _ …” His voice wavers, the shaky sound that escapes his lips making him wince.

“I’m not taking that glass away from you, Blake. ” She says finally. “ If you want to drink, I can’t stop you. But I’m gonna be here, I’m not going anywhere. S o if you want to drink you’ll have to do it with me watching. I won’t let you hide.”

“Why?” He whispers.

“I want you to get rid of that glass because  you _want_ to make that decision, not because I forced you to.”

“And if I don’t?”

He’s weak. For some reason she doesn’t share that same belief and he for the life of him can’t understand why not.

“Then that’s where we are, Blake.”

He stares at the amber coloured liquid in his glass and then back up to Gwen. 

His mind races. He’s got sweet relief in a glass. He’s got the love of his life sitting with him and his biggest loss watching over him.

Too many sources calling at him and too  little restraint. 

Or so he thinks.

It only takes one second.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay. This story is really difficult for me cause I started writing it without an ending mapped out. I’ve been going with the flow of things, but that proves to be hard. With the heavy subject matter, I also just need a break sometimes. With that said, I haven’t abandoned this story and I wanna thank everyone who’s still interested.

He sends the glass flying to the floor. The shattering of the glass pierces his heart like an actual cut, the content of whiskey poured out like a twisted life analogy. So close in reach, almost his, but never quite. 

Gwen is looking at him with glossy eyes, neither one saying a word.

He stares at the mess on the floor, trying to feel anything other than the blaring numbness that occupies his body. The only thing that makes him feel a shiver of reality is Gwen’s broken gaze. He can tell she’s struggling with what to do or what to say and he’s sad for her. 

He should be sad for himself, but instead he finds himself wishing she wasn’t here right now. That she didn’t have to see this, that she didn’t have to witness his demons coming out to play. 

But it’s too late for any of that now.

He gets a few minutes of making peace with that before his next wave of helplessness hits. The smell of whiskey still lingers around him, even stronger than before with it all staining the ground. The piercing and deeply penetrating smell makes his mouth water and his brain hurt. He feels the need to crouch down and lick it up until there’s nothing left or get a mop and get rid of it all, deny this whole night’s existence.

“Blake….” Her soft voice calls out for him, unable to handle the silence any longer. 

He’s not ready to talk about what happened though. He just keeps staring at the floor, licking his lips. He closes his eyes to shut everything out but the smell. He just needs a few minutes of imagining how it would’ve felt to drain that whole glass empty in his mouth. How the dark and heady liquid would’ve felt sliding down his throat. How much of his pain would have been temporarily fixed had he done it. 

“Will you please look at me?”

Again, it’s her soft voice that reaches his ears. A good man would’ve honoured that request immediately, but he’s in the middle of fighting his entire brain. He can’t look at her after his mishap, his brazen weakness. Even without drinking a sip, he’d managed to set himself back a hundred steps. He doesn’t want to see that realization reflected in her pools of hazel. 

The sound of her kitchen chair scraping across the floor is loud. He doesn’t open his eyes but he can hear her walking into the kitchen, the sound of water running down the sink filling his ears. 

He doesn’t know what to do, feels a million different things at once. He wants to go to sleep, he wants to walk out the door, he wants to call Miranda and tell her he hates her for ever showing up here, he wants to go to the liquor store and buy another bottle and not waste a drop, he wants to yell at Gwen for showing up tonight, he wants to make love to her and forget he’s a pathetic excuse of a man for a few hours. But he’s  mentally chained to his chair, not moving an inch. 

The sound of a glass sliding across the table, until it’s right in front of him makes him open his eyes. A glass of water stares back at him. 

“Drink it.” She says. 

Her voice doesn’t sound as soft or sweet as it did before.

He dares to look up at her only to find Gwen crouching down to the floor, like he had fantasies of doing only a few minutes earlier, while she starts determinedly wiping the alcohol content from his tiles. 

“You don’t have to— “ 

“Drink your goddamn water, Blake.”

He didn’t drink any of the liquor he bought, he doesn’t need to _water_ it down, but her voice is convincing enough for his hand to bring the glass to his lips and take a couple of sips. 

He wants to offer a hand and help her clean up, but something about her sudden change in posture and mood keeps him from doing so. He’s feeling mentally and physically drained from the night’s events anyway and tries to steady his hand as it starts shaking from adrenaline overload. 

The water glides down his throat easily, though the taste is nowhere near the one he craves. The missing burn is unmistakably missed, but something _does_ seem familiar. The instantly recognisable silhouette of the glass fits in his hand like it was made for him and the slightly curved bottom enhances the secure and comfortable grip. He looks down to confirm what he immediately recognizes. She gave him his water in one of his whiskey glasses. 

Hadn’t he known any better, he would’ve thought she was taunting him, but her intentions are clear as day. She’s showing him what his decision has done for him and everything he came close to losing tonight but didn’t. 

Gwen stands up and walks back to the sink, rinsing the cloth she’d used to tidy up his floor and he didn’t even notice she’d gotten up to get a dust pan and brush to sweep up the glass. 

His floor looks like nothing had happened earlier. 

“Are you ready to talk to me now?” She whispers after she’s done, walking around the table and standing right in front of him. “Look at me.” 

He finally does. Where he thought he would find disappointment and anger, he actually finds patience and resilience. She’s still here.

“I’m sorry Gwen.”

“You didn’t drink.”

“I wanted to.”

“I know.” She says, sighing. “You still do.”

“I always do.”

She brings her two hands to squeeze his shoulder, not initiating much more physical contact than that, but he’s appreciative of her hands steadying him and bringing him back to Earth. 

“It won’t always be this hard.” 

He grimaces a pained look. “I wish I could believe you.”

“Why did you decide against drinking?” She asks instead, cocking her head. “And don’t say _me_. I know there was something else that kept you from doing so.”

“If you hadn’t been here, I would have done it.” He says truthfully, that reality a determined one in his head. 

“You knew I was gonna show up tonight.”

He closes his eyes, silently begging for her to come a bit closer, which she does. He wants to smile but he’s too tired, even when her arms come around the back of his neck and press his face against her chest. 

“I couldn’t do it.” He whispers, his arm going around her back to keep her close. “I couldn’t disappoint you like that. I couldn’t disappoint  _ her _ .”

“You could never disappoint me.” Gwen says, combing her finger through his hairs at the back of his head. “But you can scare me, Blake. And this scared me, because I don’t know what to do when you get like this and you refuse to talk.”

“I know.” Blake admits softly, hating himself for the slight waver he detects in her voice, like she’s swallowing the largest part of her nerves.

“I don’t want you to get hurt. All I want is for you to be happy and healthy and I know an addiction is a continuous battle, but Blake please, please don’t shut me out.”   


“I’m trying, Gwen.” He sighs. “I don’t know how to do this either. I’ve never had to go through a withdrawal process with someone who actually cares. I never had someone in my life who I could talk to about this stuff, aside from my sponsor and therapist. This is all new for me too.”

“I understand.” She says, pulling away enough to look him in the eyes. “I’m not trying to rush you or make you feel bad for struggling. You’re allowed to have crappy days and you’re allowed to break on me. I can handle that. But when you get all quiet and refuse to talk to me about what’s really going on…” 

“It scares you.” 

She nods. “It does.” 

“I can’t talk about everything that happened tonight while she was here.” He says, closing his eyes while another surge of weakness floods his body. He’s just too damn drained to relive that entire mindfuck. “I’m sure by now you’re well aware it was bad.”

Her hands slide to his cheeks, lifting his head up in the process. The look in her eyes is gentle and appreciative and he knows she’s relieved the night didn’t end with him binging. 

He’s slightly surprised when she leans down to kiss him sweetly, but he’s not complaining. The one thing that he will always crave more than a drink, is Gwen’s touch. 

Blake moves to deepen it, only stopping when her soft whimper of protest hits his lips. 

“Perhaps we shouldn’t, not right now…” She holds his face between her two palms, her facial expressions a mixture between worried and regretful. 

“Do you not want— “

“It’s not about what _I_ want.” She says. “It’s about you. You’re tired and your emotions are heightened and I don’t- “

“Gwen.” He cuts her off, standing up and pressing himself against her quickly. “The only thing in the world I’m certain of right now is you. I need you.” He leans down to kiss her again and he nearly cries when she presses one of her hands against his heart and looks up at him eagerly. “I want to make love to you. You’re staying, right?”

She gasps while staring up at him, her voice coming out as one long breath. “God yes.”

He never knew two words could make his night this much better. Things move quickly then, he ushers them towards the bedroom, clothes get lost and the sounds of their lips smacking together takes over the room.

He moves with her, guiding her towards the bed.

He wraps his hands around her and throws himself onto the matrass, taking her with him.

“Baby…?”

“Do it.” She whispers gravelly.

It’s all he needs to hear to aim and fire. She presses her lips together hard when he thrusts forward, sheathing himself inside her completely.

It’s intense, the way he fills her, the way he loves her. “Fuck.”

He moves his left hand to her right breasts and squeezes hard while dropping his head to suck at it. His right hand curves behind her knee and pulls hard to open her wider. The smile on her face tells him she can handle the little bit of roughness coming from him. 

“God Blake.” She breathes, her fingers twisting the bedsheets as her back arches. 

He’s never been with a girl as responsive as her, nor has anyone ever been able to keep up with him the way she does. He keeps thrusting, keeps moving and she just takes it. 

His eyes are focused on their connection; he watches with dark eyes, amazed at the way he slides out of her and then disappears when bucking forward again. “So fucking hot.” He murmurs.

Tonight, is not about control or teasing, it’s about his need to send her to the moon and back and prove he’s not a selfish lover, or a selfish person. He growls as he bends her over and kisses her. 

“How do you want it?” 

“Harder.” She wh ispers to him. As soon as he starts slamming into her more forcefully, she moans and rolls her eyes as an erotic smile crosses her face. “Yes, baby.” 

It’s uncanny the way he knows what she needs and how to give it to her without hesitation. 

With every move of his hips, he pushes away the thought from this evening that are knocking at the back of his mind. The argument he had with his ex-wife, his addiction that revealed its ugly head, the glass he’d sent flying, the edge he keeps flirting with, the self-control he had to possess to come out of this night unscratched. He looks down and smiles at her. _She_ is the reason.

He grips her arms and presses them down into the mattress. 

“I love you.” He growls, his hips moving with more unforgiving speed. It hits him faster than he expected, but he feels her clenching and pulsing around him as the heat rises in him. He slows his thrusts knowing she’s riding out her orgasm but keeps them hard. He kisses her again, holding her down as she grunts into his mouth. 

He covers her lips with his and catches her cries, feeling her trash beneath him. His whole body tenses when he reaches the same heights and gives her a rumbling growl of her name. 

Her shaking doesn’t subside until he thrusts again and then goes limp on top of her, panting in her ear. Her weak arms pull themselves up slightly and her hands drape over his back. 

“Oh my god.” She breathes, her chest heaving.

He chuckles and nods, unable to stop kissing her. She doesn’t even know how much her presence just saved him from the worst enemy he’s ever known – his brain. 

He rolls them over, keeping her close to him. One of her legs is thrown over his thigh and her hand is smoothing down his stomach, just lazily drawing circles. The surge of fury he’d felt tonight is nothing but a memory when he looks in her eyes now, so content and satisfied. 

She must see the look in his eyes, the way he’s staring and her eyes water. 

“I love you so much, Blake. So,  so much.”

He pulls the sheets over them, nestling close to her.   


“You know I love you more than anything.”

Her hands briefly touch his stubble before kissing him again. 

“You made the right choice tonight. We’re both so proud of you.”


End file.
